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Daily Mail: Facebook Gives You (More) Cancer

posted by on Monday May 22 2017, @05:15PM   Printer-friendly
from the I-think-we-already-knew-that dept.

"cafebabe" writes:

In 2009, after undergoing the Daily Mail's rigorous investigation and fact-checking process, the Daily Mail reported that social networks (such as Facebook) reduce levels of interaction leading to reduced oxytocin and increased stress. In 2017, the Daily Mail reported that social networks (such as Facebook) encourage excessive tanning in an effort to improve appearance in selfies.

Soylentils are advised to avoid social networks, the Daily Mail, oxytocin, oxycontin, daylight, nightlight, selfies and the JavaScript which runs the Daily Mail headline generator.

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  • (Score: -1, Troll) by Anonymous Coward on Monday May 22 2017, @05:29PM (6 children)

    by Anonymous Coward on Monday May 22 2017, @05:29PM (#513614)

    Soylentils are advised to avoid [...] oxytocin

    Fuck you want me to be miserable! I troll your shit site of shit mother shitting son of an ass!

    Fuck yeah now I feel great. SN can suck it.

    Starting Score:    0  points
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    Extra 'Troll' Modifier   0  
    Total Score:   -1  

  • (Score: -1, Spam) by Anonymous Coward on Monday May 22 2017, @05:34PM (1 child)

    by Anonymous Coward on Monday May 22 2017, @05:34PM (#513616)

    Da. SN staff are Russian Albino Nigger Jews.

    • (Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Monday May 22 2017, @05:46PM

      by Anonymous Coward on Monday May 22 2017, @05:46PM (#513624)

      Exploding cancer bomb! JJJJJJIIIIHHHHAAAAAAAADDDDDDDDD!!!!!

  • (Score: 1, Informative) by Anonymous Coward on Monday May 22 2017, @05:47PM

    by Anonymous Coward on Monday May 22 2017, @05:47PM (#513625)

    Are the shills out today waiting for the facebook moderation story to break? Wonder [euobserver.com] why? [independent.co.uk]

  • (Score: 2) by The Mighty Buzzard on Monday May 22 2017, @05:56PM (1 child)

    by The Mighty Buzzard (18) Subscriber Badge <themightybuzzard@proton.me> on Monday May 22 2017, @05:56PM (#513629) Homepage Journal

    I troll your shit site of shit mother shitting son of an ass!

    Yes, poorly. You need some time spent at the feet of the resident masters. I can troll better than you drunk and typing with my dick and I'm not even the best around here.

    --
    My rights don't end where your fear begins.

    • (Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Monday May 22 2017, @06:03PM

      by Anonymous Coward on Monday May 22 2017, @06:03PM (#513634)

      You're missing the point the pet rock was a great idea because the troll who made it got an oxytocin rush just from making it and stop making fun of my jump to conclusions mat!

      Why is the oxytocin button labeled Submit? Whoa.

  • (Score: 2) by Gaaark on Tuesday May 23 2017, @02:44AM

    by Gaaark (41) on Tuesday May 23 2017, @02:44AM (#513931) Journal

    See! This is why i continue coming to this site: I. LOVE. HEMORRHOIDS!

    YOU remind me of hemorrhoids, and i LOVE THAT!

    Go YOU!

    --
    --- Please remind me if I haven't been civil to you: I'm channeling MDC. ---Gaaark 2.0 ---