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Individuals in polyamorous relationships report more commitment and investment with their primary partners and report more time spent on sex with their secondary partners, a new study authored by Western researchers has found.
While previous research suggests that consensually non-monogamous relationships do not significantly differ from monogamous relationships on a number of relationship-quality indicators, this is one of the first studies to examine potential differences in the relationship dynamics between an individual's multiple partners, said lead author Rhonda Balzarini, a PhD candidate in the Psychology.
The authors asked 1,308 people in online questionnaires (drawn from polyamorous affinity groups on social media) about the dynamics of their polyamorous relationships.
"The study suggests people who are 'primary' partners – those who share a household and finances, for example – experience greater commitment and investment in the relationship. However, the secondary partnership experiences greater proportion of time spent on sex, and this remains a factor even when we account for relationship length and living arrangements," she said.
Does this explain why kings and sultans had harems?
(Score: 4, Insightful) by Aiwendil on Friday June 30 2017, @06:50AM (9 children)
Think back on the relationships you've had.
Remember the different things you liked the most with each - imagine not having to pick just one of those.
Remember the frustration and/or annoyance over all the things you couldn't/wouldn't do - imagine the load of this being distributed.
Remember the feeling of helplessness when your partner was in trouble or hurt and you couldn't be there - imagine if there was someone else that your partner and you trusted that could have been there.
You know that kinky desire you have that you partner doesn't enjoy - imagine still being able to experience it.
The mismatch in sexual urges - image it being met.
Imagine having someone you love and who loves you back to comfort you when your heart just has been ripped out by a bad breakup.
Imagine the comfort in knowing that your partner won't be alone if something bad happens to you.
Now see if you can imagine the appeal of poly relationships
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Friday June 30 2017, @07:56AM (2 children)
There's a need for a "Truly insightful" mod for this comment, imo.
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Friday June 30 2017, @08:03AM (1 child)
Like a gambler or drug user, he's just focusing on the upsides.
The downsides increase with each partner, linearly or worse. The upsides also increase with each partner, but far less than linearly. The first one is a huge upside and large downside. The next one is a moderate upside and a large downside. (already a bad deal) The next one is a small upside and a large downside. The next one is a tiny upside and a large downside.
(Score: 2) by Aiwendil on Friday June 30 2017, @08:52AM
What kind of horribly mismatched satellites have you experienced?
The upsides of each satellite (non-primary) in my group has greatly outweighed the downsides - but we pick the satellites very carefully and makes sure they all end up as friends (often close friends) with everyone in the group.
Quite frankly - so far I've experienced no downsides with my primary's others but only upsides (well, other than the normal ups and down I would have experienced with them in capacity of being friends).
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Friday June 30 2017, @07:58AM (1 child)
Think back on the relationships you've had.
Remember the different things you hated the most with each - imagine having to pick every one of those.
Remember the frustration and/or annoyance over all the things they insisted on doing - imagine the load of all of this.
Remember the feeling of helplessness when your partner was in trouble or hurt and you couldn't be there - imagine if you couldn't be there for multiple people at the same time.
You know that kinky desire your partner has that you don't enjoy - imagine having to experience it for multiple partners.
The mismatch in sexual urges - image it multiplied many times over.
Imagine having someone you hurt and who hurts you back for revenge when your heart just has been seized by a new relationship.
Imagine the discomfort in knowing that many partners will be alone if something bad happens to you.
Now see if you can imagine the appeal of mono relationships
(Score: 2) by Aiwendil on Friday June 30 2017, @08:27AM
Was waiting for that one - yes, that is what happens if either communication breaks down, or (occasionally) if only one is poly, or if you pick a partner that doesn't fit into the group. Which also is why poly is just as bad for mono-people as mono is for poly-people.
Basically it all comes down to your personality, willingness to think things through and careful planning.
(Score: 2) by Phoenix666 on Friday June 30 2017, @12:35PM (3 children)
My wife and i have discussed adding a partner who likes to do paperwork and manage household finances.
Washington DC delenda est.
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Friday June 30 2017, @02:59PM (2 children)
You guys made a bad match then! :) So happens my wife is total opposite of me, and she loves doing paperwork and managing all the things I find asinine. I have met quite a few women who I am attracted to because our personalities are so in-sync. But I realize that marriage with them would be pure hell, it would be like two of me flapping about blaming each-other for shit neither of us had an inkling to get done. So even though my wife and I spend a lot of time apart because we don't really share same interests (we don't like the same movies, she loves to read I hate reading books, etc), I feel it is a good match because the household runs very smoothly. And we spend a lot of time together when it comes to taking care of the kid.
If I could have two wives, I'd marry her twice.
Just to preempt the trolls: 17 years.
(Score: 2) by Grishnakh on Friday June 30 2017, @03:51PM (1 child)
So basically your marriage only really works because of the kids: they're the main thing you have in common. After the kids are all gone and grown up, you'll get tired of each other and get a divorce; this is actually very common these days with middle-aged people and seniors. They had some little initial attraction, dated a little, got married and started having kids (not necessarily quite in that order), and stayed together for 20+ years because it takes that long to raise a kid. After the kids were all in college and they were left at home alone, staring at each other, they realized they just didn't have anything in common any more and didn't really enjoy spending time together.
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Friday June 30 2017, @08:21PM
different AC here
Of course one wants everything. If you think you haven't settled for less, you're deluding yourself. Where should you compromise?
Most people just go for lust. That fails before the kids are even off to college. Is that any better?
People change. Maybe we'll be happy with these spouses when we are old, and maybe we won't be. There is also the fact that a spouse is useful even in old age, and the fact that one isn't likely to successfully run off and have a second family in old age. Splitting up is a pain in the ass.
Plus there is the matter of duty. Especially for conservative people, duty plays a role. A person doesn't break a promise. Commitments are to be taken seriously. This keeps families together when the feeling of love is gone, keeping things stable and secure and safe. The feeling of love may return; you would not get this chance if you gave up immediately.