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posted by Fnord666 on Monday January 15 2018, @09:35AM   Printer-friendly
from the who-knew dept.

Submitted via IRC for Teckla

There is increasing evidence linking Russia to the Shadow Brokers leaks, which is "one of the worst security debacles ever to befall American intelligence."

Source: https://finance.yahoo.com/news/experts-link-nsa-leaks-shadow-brokers-russia-kaspersky-144840962.html


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  • (Score: -1, Offtopic) by Anonymous Coward on Monday January 15 2018, @09:51AM (1 child)

    by Anonymous Coward on Monday January 15 2018, @09:51AM (#622504)

    Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! This future... I've never seen anything like it! Deeper, deeper! I can see into the deepest future! I can see the future of your ass. I'm the Assteller.

    You walk outside your home. Nothing seems to be out of the ordinary, but you feel as if something is watching you, as if something is... targeting you. You look around meticulously, and you see a small doll on the ground, about 10 feet away from you. Somehow, the knowledge that this doll is not only sentient, but pure evil, enters your brain. You feel a primal terror overcome you, and decide to escape back into your house. But it's too late to flee.

    Before you can move even a single cheek, the doll rushes at you faster than you can comprehend! The doll crawls up your pants leg and starts making its way towards a particular place on your body. You know where it's trying to go, so you decide to block the lump with your hand. But what's this!? It doesn't work at all! The lump just crawls right under your hand as though the obstruction doesn't even exist. Finally, the doll reaches your most important place... Your ass.

    Where did it go? You sense that the doll vanished right up your bootysnap. You ask, "Why are you even doing this to me...?" to the doll, even though you expect no reply. Then, while contemplating the various possibilities about what sort of fate will befall you, you become a mere perspective, as though you're having an out-of-body experience. What are you staring at? Your asshole. Your asshole opens like a circular door from a science fiction movie, revealing the same toy from before. "Because!" it screams, and your ass closes like a circular door from a science fiction movie. It tickles! Your ass tickled horribly when your asshole opened and closed! Just when you begin hoping the doll doesn't do anything else, your asshole opens once more and the doll again screams "Because!" A few milliseconds later, your snaphole closes. Tickle! It tickles, stop! But the doll does not care about your suffering, and that action is repeated again and again, with the tickle insensifying each time. All you hear is the same word monotonously repeated time and time again: "Because! Because! Because! Because! Because! Because! Because! Because! Because!" This tickle... fades away your cheeks...

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  • (Score: 3, Touché) by The Mighty Buzzard on Monday January 15 2018, @10:36AM

    by The Mighty Buzzard (18) Subscriber Badge <themightybuzzard@proton.me> on Monday January 15 2018, @10:36AM (#622515) Homepage Journal

    That's your misfortune. I was taking a shit when you posted that.

    --
    My rights don't end where your fear begins.