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posted by martyb on Friday April 13 2018, @10:08AM   Printer-friendly
from the the-jokes-just-write-themselves dept.

Threatened: A Green-Haired Turtle That Can Breathe Through Its Genitals

In the debate over saving endangered species, it may be that some should get priority just because of how weird they are. Take the green-haired turtle. It breathes through its genitals. Not all the time — but after a long time underwater, an alternative way to get oxygen really helps.

The turtle is thirtieth on a new list of reptiles in trouble put out by the Zoological Society of London. The Edge of Existence program at the society looks at the evolutionary trees of animals that are endangered to determine which are most evolutionary distinctive. Previously, they put out lists for mammals and amphibians. The new list ranks reptiles on a combination of how distinctive and how endangered they are.

Rikki Gumbs and other researchers at the society who worked on the new list wrote a paper explaining how they arrive at the rankings, which was published in the journal PLOS One on Wednesday [open, DOI: 10.1371/journal.pone.0194680] [DX].

Mr. Gumbs, who is pursuing a Ph.D. jointly at Imperial College London and the zoological society, said that evolutionary distinctiveness is not exactly the same as weirdness, but not far off. It is a measure of "how alone you are on the tree of life," he said. Those species do "tend to be weird and wonderful in the way they live."


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  • (Score: 3, Informative) by RamiK on Friday April 13 2018, @10:40AM (13 children)

    by RamiK (1813) on Friday April 13 2018, @10:40AM (#666395)

    Mary River turtles use bimodal respiration, so are capable of absorbing oxygen via the cloaca whilst under water.

    In animal anatomy, a cloaca /kloʊˈeɪkə/ kloh-AY-kə (plural cloacae /kloʊˈeɪsi/ kloh-AY-see or /kloʊˈeɪki/ kloh-AY-kee) is the posterior orifice that serves as the only opening for the digestive, reproductive, and urinary tracts (if present) of many vertebrate animals, opening at the vent. All amphibians, birds, reptiles, and a few mammals (monotremes, tenrecs, golden moles, and marsupial moles) have this orifice, from which they excrete both urine and feces; this is in contrast to most placental mammals, which have two or three separate orifices for evacuation. Excretory openings with analogous purpose in some invertebrates are also sometimes referred to as cloacae.

    So, an ass-breathing soup base.

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  • (Score: 2) by realDonaldTrump on Friday April 13 2018, @10:49AM (1 child)

    by realDonaldTrump (6614) on Friday April 13 2018, @10:49AM (#666401) Homepage Journal

    They call it urine and feces. They try to make it sound nice. It doesn't sound nice. But not everything is nice.

    • (Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Friday April 13 2018, @06:45PM

      by Anonymous Coward on Friday April 13 2018, @06:45PM (#666585)

      When you see green hair like that, fake or not, it's a warning to stay back. It tells you that you are facing a dangerous ass-breathing SJW. With every breath, they smell urine and feces. Keep your distance!

  • (Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Friday April 13 2018, @11:33AM (7 children)

    by Anonymous Coward on Friday April 13 2018, @11:33AM (#666414)

    What is the third orifice for in the three orifice animals?

    • (Score: 2) by realDonaldTrump on Friday April 13 2018, @11:52AM (6 children)

      by realDonaldTrump (6614) on Friday April 13 2018, @11:52AM (#666422) Homepage Journal

      Sex.

      • (Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Friday April 13 2018, @12:05PM (5 children)

        by Anonymous Coward on Friday April 13 2018, @12:05PM (#666425)

        Do I have three evacuatory orifices?

        • (Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Friday April 13 2018, @12:26PM

          by Anonymous Coward on Friday April 13 2018, @12:26PM (#666430)

          Since POTUS, he no longer needs orifices, he has offices for it.

        • (Score: 3, Informative) by realDonaldTrump on Friday April 13 2018, @12:50PM (3 children)

          by realDonaldTrump (6614) on Friday April 13 2018, @12:50PM (#666436) Homepage Journal

          Check your Birth Certificate, it says whether you're a girl or a boy. Very important!

          If you're a girl, you have an opening in the front for sex, it's called your VAGINA. When a boy puts his penis in there sometimes a baby will come out later. Or two or three babies. Or even more. And your vagina has another orifice, you use that one to pee. If you pee on someone, that can be a VERY SPECIAL kind of sex.

          If you're a boy, you have an opening in the front, in the end of your penis. It's hidden -- unless you're Jewish. You can use it for sex and also to pee.

          And everybody has an opening in the back, for pooping. But we can have a VERY SPECIAL kind of sex with that one. No babies that way!

          That's why I said "sex," we can use all the orifices -- the openings -- for sex. Only if we want to.

          • (Score: 3, Funny) by srobert on Friday April 13 2018, @02:15PM

            by srobert (4803) on Friday April 13 2018, @02:15PM (#666463)

            That was like super-smart. Now do you losers see why he's the President of America?

          • (Score: 2) by bob_super on Friday April 13 2018, @05:54PM

            by bob_super (1357) on Friday April 13 2018, @05:54PM (#666548)

            Not looking forward to the side effects of nose sex, though.

          • (Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Saturday April 14 2018, @01:07AM

            by Anonymous Coward on Saturday April 14 2018, @01:07AM (#666709)

            And everybody has an opening in the back, for pooping. But we can have a VERY SPECIAL kind of sex with that one. No babies that way!

            I'm pretty sure that's how you were conceived.

  • (Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Friday April 13 2018, @06:41PM (2 children)

    by Anonymous Coward on Friday April 13 2018, @06:41PM (#666580)

    Outside of the Vatican, nobody speaks Latin. They don't even speak it in Latin America! We aren't ancient Romans.

    We speak English, so it isn't a cloaca. It's a vaganus.

    • (Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Saturday April 14 2018, @01:19AM

      by Anonymous Coward on Saturday April 14 2018, @01:19AM (#666715)

      It's a vegan, you say?

    • (Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Saturday April 14 2018, @01:32AM

      by Anonymous Coward on Saturday April 14 2018, @01:32AM (#666725)

      From the good old English words "vagina" and "anus."