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Submitted via IRC for TheMightyBuzzard
Depending on which hemisphere of the Earth you're currently reading this from, summer is finally starting to fight its way to the surface. For the more "green" of our readers, that can mean it's time to start making plans for summer gardening. But as anyone who's ever planted something edible can tell you, garden pests such as squirrels are fantastically effective at turning all your hard work into a wasteland. Finding ways to keep them away from your crops can be a full-time job, but luckily it's a job nobody will mind if automation steals from humans.
[Peter Quinn] writes in to tell us about the elaborate lengths he is going to keep bushy-tailed marauders away from his tomatoes this year. Long term he plans on setting up a non-lethal sentry gun to scare them away, but before he can get to that point he needs to perfect the science of automatically targeting his prey. At the same time, he wants to train the system well enough that it won't fire on humans or other animals such as cats and birds which might visit his garden.
Source: https://hackaday.com/2018/04/30/training-the-squirrel-terminator/
(Score: 1, Interesting) by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday May 02 2018, @06:45PM (4 children)
I bought a trap. I might get a crossbow. With the trap, you need to do something like dunk it in a lake to kill the squirrel. I guess fire might work too.
Put the squirrel on its back. Pinch the skin of the abdomen, pulling it outward a bit, and then start your cut there. Go around the crotch. Next, you sort of undress the squirrel by pulling on the skin. Pull the hind legs out of the fur. Keep tugging to get the body loose. Pull the tail out of the fur. You can get it mostly intact. At this point the squirrel sort of wears a cape. Pull out the front legs. Pull out the head as best you can.
Now you have two parts. If you aren't ready to deal with the fur, spread it out (for fast cooling) and freeze it. The fur can be tanned with or without hair, then made into whatever you like: gloves, hat, earmuffs, neck warmer, fishing lure, slingshot part, purse, wallet, etc. The body needs more work. Pinch the belly again, and cut into it carefully. (don't get shit everywhere) Pull out the innards. Don't worry too much; you'll be cooking it I hope. A tiny bit of fur may cling to the face, but that is fine, and you don't need to remove the head. Take your meat to the kitchen.
I haven't messed with the brains, but they are popular. Some people eat them. Some people use the brains to help tan the fur. I'm not sure how you'd get them out without smashing them.
I steam the squirrels for a long time. Getting the meat off is like getting the meat off of chicken wings; this is something to be done by the eater at the table. I'm sure baking them is fine. I cook the squirrels whole, from head to tail, with only the fur and guts removed. This is easier for me.
The meat reminds me of goose. I think it needs plenty of salt. It's decent. The real motivation of course, is getting squirrels out of the yard. You might as well not waste them.
(Score: 1, Insightful) by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday May 02 2018, @07:06PM
I'd rather impale the little bastards on a pike as a warning to all the others a la Vlad Tepes.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vlad_the_Impaler [wikipedia.org] Vlad the Impaler
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday May 02 2018, @07:30PM
That's a pretty good description of how to skin a deer, or an elk, too - just, everything is one or two orders of magnitude larger.
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday May 02 2018, @11:20PM
Isn't step 1 "Kill squirrel"?
(Score: 3, Interesting) by nobu_the_bard on Thursday May 03 2018, @12:00AM
While I personally will not be employing your methods, I am glad knowing somewhere out there someone has committed the appropriate level of dedication to their destruction and found a way to benefit at the same time.