Hang in There. As Couples Age, Humor Replaces Bickering:
Honeymoon long over? Hang in there. A new University of California, Berkeley, study shows those prickly disagreements that can mark the early and middle years of marriage mellow with age as conflicts give way to humor and acceptance.
Researchers analyzed videotaped conversations between 87 middle-aged and older husbands and wives who had been married for 15 to 35 years, and tracked their emotional interactions over the course of 13 years. They found that as couples aged, they showed more humor and tenderness towards another.
Overall, the findings, just published in the journal Emotion, showed an increase in such positive behaviors as humor and affection and a decrease in negative behaviors such as defensiveness and criticism. The results challenge long-held theories that emotions flatten or deteriorate in old age and point instead to an emotionally positive trajectory for long-term married couples.
Journal Reference:
Alice Verstaen, Claudia M. Haase, Sandy J. Lwi, Robert W. Levenson. Age-related changes in emotional behavior: Evidence from a 13-year longitudinal study of long-term married couples.. Emotion, 2018; DOI: 10.1037/emo0000551
A sense of humor is key.
(Score: 5, Insightful) by suburbanitemediocrity on Tuesday December 04 2018, @08:14PM (15 children)
you just give up and accept your fate.
(Score: 5, Insightful) by DannyB on Tuesday December 04 2018, @08:37PM (4 children)
Maybe a cynical way to put it, but it's true.
You learn to be less selfish. You're not going to get everything you want in life, so pick what's important.
It's more than simply accepting your fate.
As you become more mutually dependent on each other, a deep trust develops. There is nobody else I would so implicitly trust with all my earthly goods, medical decisions, end of life decisions, etc.
People today are educated enough to repeat what they are taught but not to question what they are taught.
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday December 04 2018, @09:32PM (1 child)
Literally.
(Score: 2, Funny) by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday December 04 2018, @11:06PM
Wanker.
(Score: 3, Interesting) by suburbanitemediocrity on Tuesday December 04 2018, @11:02PM (1 child)
It wasn't meant to be cynical. Part of maturation.
(Score: 2) by DannyB on Wednesday December 05 2018, @03:38PM
In any case, as I said: it is true. So true.
People today are educated enough to repeat what they are taught but not to question what they are taught.
(Score: 3, Interesting) by realDonaldTrump on Tuesday December 04 2018, @10:12PM (3 children)
Get out there. And meet someone new! Someone "sexy." I think you probably can easily, you can. But I have so many friends when they call me they want to hang out because they think -- and at a thought of an amazing phenomena. How they eat people for lunch and they are the toughest, meanest, most miserable, most brilliant people. But if they meet a woman at 7:30 in the evening, they freeze, they got locked jaw. Crazy!
(Score: 1, Insightful) by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday December 05 2018, @02:39PM (2 children)
Real Trump, your usually excellent Soylent posts have grown a bit flabby.
I hope for your fans you rise to your former level.
(Score: 3, Interesting) by realDonaldTrump on Wednesday December 05 2018, @03:23PM (1 child)
Meet, I meant meet. Not eat. By the way, Bill Clinton. His wife lets him do whatever he wants. Whoever he wants. And actually, I think she encourages him. Marriage can be A LOT of fun -- when you find the right woman!!
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday December 05 2018, @05:33PM
The standard is achieved once more!
Say hi to Melania for me if you see her this week.
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday December 04 2018, @10:30PM (2 children)
So, does this only apply to married couples? What about couples who have been together a long time but who are not married?
(Score: 2) by DannyB on Tuesday December 04 2018, @10:51PM (1 child)
Since there are administrative and legal benefits to being married, I suspect people who live together, even a long time, cling at least somewhat to the idea that they could separate easily. An escape hatch.
That is an assumption. It could be wrong. Or in some instances.
People today are educated enough to repeat what they are taught but not to question what they are taught.
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday December 04 2018, @11:35PM
No one separates easily, and the only escape hatch is a hole in the ground.
(Score: 3, Interesting) by legont on Wednesday December 05 2018, @03:06AM
I am too lazy to read let alone check the research, but it is probably because couples without humor and acceptance were long divorced and as such not counted.
So, there is no point to hang in there. It will not get better.
"Wealth is the relentless enemy of understanding" - John Kenneth Galbraith.
(Score: 2) by Nuke on Wednesday December 05 2018, @12:31PM
suburbanitemediocrity wrote :-
Is that how you got your SN name?
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday December 05 2018, @05:57PM
kind of like what happens to the american voter. the older voters seem to think the government is just good folks trying to help and everything is basically fine.