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Hang in There. As Couples Age, Humor Replaces Bickering:
Honeymoon long over? Hang in there. A new University of California, Berkeley, study shows those prickly disagreements that can mark the early and middle years of marriage mellow with age as conflicts give way to humor and acceptance.
Researchers analyzed videotaped conversations between 87 middle-aged and older husbands and wives who had been married for 15 to 35 years, and tracked their emotional interactions over the course of 13 years. They found that as couples aged, they showed more humor and tenderness towards another.
Overall, the findings, just published in the journal Emotion, showed an increase in such positive behaviors as humor and affection and a decrease in negative behaviors such as defensiveness and criticism. The results challenge long-held theories that emotions flatten or deteriorate in old age and point instead to an emotionally positive trajectory for long-term married couples.
Journal Reference:
Alice Verstaen, Claudia M. Haase, Sandy J. Lwi, Robert W. Levenson. Age-related changes in emotional behavior: Evidence from a 13-year longitudinal study of long-term married couples.. Emotion, 2018; DOI: 10.1037/emo0000551
A sense of humor is key.
(Score: 3, Interesting) by pipedwho on Tuesday December 04 2018, @08:53PM (7 children)
I wonder if they controlled for the age of the players, and not just the duration of the game?
Is it because older people are more accepting as they look back instead of forward?
20-30s looking forward to things in life that you might be dealt in some undefined future (either in or out of your control)
40-60s looking back at the past and projecting with a last ditch urgency as the future looms close
70+ the end is nigh, acceptance of fate as the future is now or never
Obviously the above a gross generalisations, but this is true of life in general, and not just marriage.
(Score: 4, Insightful) by The Mighty Buzzard on Tuesday December 04 2018, @09:31PM (4 children)
Shit, if you're looking for life to hand you happiness, you're going to be sorely disappointed. You have to carve out your own happiness.
My rights don't end where your fear begins.
(Score: 0, Funny) by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday December 04 2018, @10:02PM (2 children)
I didn't figure you for a surgeon, let alone one who would do her own gender reassignment surgery.
(Score: 3, Funny) by The Mighty Buzzard on Tuesday December 04 2018, @10:29PM (1 child)
I was talking about filleting fish. I have no idea what you're talking about.
My rights don't end where your fear begins.
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday December 05 2018, @10:30PM
You've never made fish tacos??? Time to head south and learn some tasty tricks to handling meat.
(Score: 2) by HiThere on Wednesday December 05 2018, @12:10AM
That's "sort of" correct in this context. I found that if we resolved what we were fighting about (not the fight, but the goal of the fight) that the fight tended to evaporate. The important step towards solving the problem was being willing to get clear on just what the problem was.
Also important was to let the partner know that you loved them, even if, at the time, you couldn't resolve the argument.
Javascript is what you use to allow unknown third parties to run software you have no idea about on your computer.
(Score: 4, Interesting) by DannyB on Tuesday December 04 2018, @10:58PM (1 child)
Age 40 is about when most men have a mid life crisis. This is because the realization suddenly hits them that they are not going to live forever. Many of the dreams they had in their 20s and 30s of what they would do 'someday' are not going to get done. Ever.
So they look for a new partner half their age. A flashy new car. Etc.
I think it has been nice to grow old with some dignity and skip that. But I also pray a lot. In my view, I am just passing through this clown circus of a world we live in.
The lower I set my standards the more accomplishments I have.
(Score: 4, Interesting) by Gaaark on Wednesday December 05 2018, @12:44AM
I look at it as "Do I want to be able to hold my head up in life?"
Also, am I a good role model for my kids?
Am I comfortable with 'me'?
And I am.
My wife and I watched a movie on Netflix a few nights ago: Leisure Seeker, I believe it was called. It's about this old couple. He has senility or Alzheimer's setting in deep an she has cancer. They decide to go on an RV travel adventure.
My wife will never have that problem.
I DON'T pray, I just walk the walk like I WAS religious because that's how I want to live my life.
--- Please remind me if I haven't been civil to you: I'm channeling MDC. ---Gaaark 2.0 ---