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posted by Fnord666 on Friday August 16 2019, @09:27PM   Printer-friendly
from the it's-a-joke-son dept.

Denmark Offers to Buy U.S.

COPENHAGEN (The Borowitz Report)—After rebuffing Donald J. Trump's hypothetical proposal to purchase Greenland, the government of Denmark has announced that it would be interested in buying the United States instead.

"As we have stated, Greenland is not for sale," a spokesperson for the Danish government said on Friday. "We have noted, however, that during the Trump regime, pretty much everything in the United States, including its government, has most definitely been for sale."

"Denmark would be interested in purchasing the United States in its entirety, with the exception of its government," the spokesperson added.

A key provision of the purchase offer, the spokesperson said, would be the relocation of Donald Trump to another country "to be determined," with Russia and North Korea cited as possible destinations.

If Denmark's bid for the United States is accepted, the Scandinavian nation has ambitious plans for its new acquisition. "We believe that by giving the U.S. an educational system and national health care, it could be transformed from a vast land mass into a great nation," the spokesperson said.

Attention Denmark: at least our politicians are for sale, regardless of party affiliation, to purchasers both foreign and domestic.


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  • (Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Friday August 16 2019, @10:33PM (10 children)

    by Anonymous Coward on Friday August 16 2019, @10:33PM (#881320)

    and invests in Greenland

    Moron-In-Chief shits bricks and expects the grunts to just BUY the place.

  • (Score: 1, Insightful) by Anonymous Coward on Friday August 16 2019, @10:49PM (8 children)

    by Anonymous Coward on Friday August 16 2019, @10:49PM (#881329)

    If the PRC China actually played "long game", they would have bought off good will of their neighboring countries now that they have some muscle. economic, financial, and military. Instead, they act the new rich, bullying any and everyone they think they can. Vietnam, fella commie country, hates them. Pakistan, ally of convenience (against the common enemy India) hates them. Central Asians hate them for how they persecute Uighurs. Philipphines, Malaisia, Indonesia hate them. Hongkongers are in protest as in the news. Taiwan #1.

    I mean, Africans, Russians, you name it, nobody like PRC.

    Nobody like the Chinese (i.e., PRC). And they will pay.

    • (Score: 2) by legont on Friday August 16 2019, @11:38PM (4 children)

      by legont (4179) on Friday August 16 2019, @11:38PM (#881344)

      Nobody likes the US either. To be hated is the fate of an empire.

      --
      "Wealth is the relentless enemy of understanding" - John Kenneth Galbraith.
      • (Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Friday August 16 2019, @11:51PM (1 child)

        by Anonymous Coward on Friday August 16 2019, @11:51PM (#881348)

        I cannot disagree.

        However, America is a young country, so forgive them for their lack of wisdom.

        China, you would think they would know better, the Roman Empire of East Asia. But then, with commie craze, their Cultural Revolution, alll their ancient wisdom was destroyed.

        Commie China spewing 5k years of CHinese civilization is tradgic-comic, Dumb fucks.

        • (Score: 2) by legont on Saturday August 17 2019, @01:09AM

          by legont (4179) on Saturday August 17 2019, @01:09AM (#881376)

          Actually, China willingly refused to become an empire at some point and then paid for it dearly when British attacked. I'd think that they see their lesson exactly the opposite way.

          --
          "Wealth is the relentless enemy of understanding" - John Kenneth Galbraith.
      • (Score: 2) by quietus on Saturday August 17 2019, @09:09AM (1 child)

        by quietus (6328) on Saturday August 17 2019, @09:09AM (#881474) Journal

        Not really -- I remember the USA being very popular in the nineties; and the election of Obama giving a tremendous boost again (with regards to Western Europe). Where things started to turn was with the run-up to the Iraq war and things like the the surrender-monkey, toothless-and-corrupt-UN and old-europe memes, and Clinton's "we'll glaze them over" Iran comment.

        • (Score: -1, Troll) by Anonymous Coward on Saturday August 17 2019, @05:26PM

          by Anonymous Coward on Saturday August 17 2019, @05:26PM (#881557)

          Being happy for Obama just shows how stupid and brainwashed western Europe is. Look at England and Sweden replacing their own people with musrats and home erectus hybrids.

    • (Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Saturday August 17 2019, @01:26AM (2 children)

      by Anonymous Coward on Saturday August 17 2019, @01:26AM (#881379)

      Nobody like the Chinese (i.e., PRC).

      I hate to break it to you, but much (most?) of the world doesn't like the US, either. Many individual Americans are decent people, but far too many aren't and the country as a whole is a very dislikable planet-mate.

      A friend recently shared an image [funnyjunk.com] with me that nicely sums things up. For those who can't be bothered to look (or in case the link breaks at some point, it consists to two images and two labels.
      How America sees itself: (photo of Superman)
      Reality: (smarmy photo of the Homelander, from the recent TV series version of The Boys)

      • (Score: 1) by NPC-131072 on Saturday August 17 2019, @01:44AM (1 child)

        by NPC-131072 (7144) on Saturday August 17 2019, @01:44AM (#881386) Journal

        It's okay, we don't like you either. This is also true for those of us on the morally superior left who don't even like ourselves. Don't worry; as proclaimed by Runaway's twin, we'll rename Greenland [youtube.com] upon purchase. Fuck yeah!

        • (Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Saturday August 17 2019, @11:11PM

          by Anonymous Coward on Saturday August 17 2019, @11:11PM (#881592)

          Wouldn't it be funny if conservatives actually evolved their world views after trolling as liberals?

          They have special tools [amazon.com] to help you speed up the process these days.

  • (Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Saturday August 17 2019, @06:07AM

    by Anonymous Coward on Saturday August 17 2019, @06:07AM (#881450)

    I found the Commie. Look at the good will your Commie allies are doing in Hong Kong right now.