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COPENHAGEN (The Borowitz Report)—After rebuffing Donald J. Trump's hypothetical proposal to purchase Greenland, the government of Denmark has announced that it would be interested in buying the United States instead.
"As we have stated, Greenland is not for sale," a spokesperson for the Danish government said on Friday. "We have noted, however, that during the Trump regime, pretty much everything in the United States, including its government, has most definitely been for sale."
"Denmark would be interested in purchasing the United States in its entirety, with the exception of its government," the spokesperson added.
A key provision of the purchase offer, the spokesperson said, would be the relocation of Donald Trump to another country "to be determined," with Russia and North Korea cited as possible destinations.
If Denmark's bid for the United States is accepted, the Scandinavian nation has ambitious plans for its new acquisition. "We believe that by giving the U.S. an educational system and national health care, it could be transformed from a vast land mass into a great nation," the spokesperson said.
Attention Denmark: at least our politicians are for sale, regardless of party affiliation, to purchasers both foreign and domestic.
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Saturday August 17 2019, @01:26AM (2 children)
I hate to break it to you, but much (most?) of the world doesn't like the US, either. Many individual Americans are decent people, but far too many aren't and the country as a whole is a very dislikable planet-mate.
A friend recently shared an image [funnyjunk.com] with me that nicely sums things up. For those who can't be bothered to look (or in case the link breaks at some point, it consists to two images and two labels.
How America sees itself: (photo of Superman)
Reality: (smarmy photo of the Homelander, from the recent TV series version of The Boys)
(Score: 1) by NPC-131072 on Saturday August 17 2019, @01:44AM (1 child)
It's okay, we don't like you either. This is also true for those of us on the morally superior left who don't even like ourselves. Don't worry; as proclaimed by Runaway's twin, we'll rename Greenland [youtube.com] upon purchase. Fuck yeah!
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Saturday August 17 2019, @11:11PM
Wouldn't it be funny if conservatives actually evolved their world views after trolling as liberals?
They have special tools [amazon.com] to help you speed up the process these days.