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posted by Fnord666 on Friday August 16 2019, @09:27PM   Printer-friendly
from the it's-a-joke-son dept.

Denmark Offers to Buy U.S.

COPENHAGEN (The Borowitz Report)—After rebuffing Donald J. Trump's hypothetical proposal to purchase Greenland, the government of Denmark has announced that it would be interested in buying the United States instead.

"As we have stated, Greenland is not for sale," a spokesperson for the Danish government said on Friday. "We have noted, however, that during the Trump regime, pretty much everything in the United States, including its government, has most definitely been for sale."

"Denmark would be interested in purchasing the United States in its entirety, with the exception of its government," the spokesperson added.

A key provision of the purchase offer, the spokesperson said, would be the relocation of Donald Trump to another country "to be determined," with Russia and North Korea cited as possible destinations.

If Denmark's bid for the United States is accepted, the Scandinavian nation has ambitious plans for its new acquisition. "We believe that by giving the U.S. an educational system and national health care, it could be transformed from a vast land mass into a great nation," the spokesperson said.

Attention Denmark: at least our politicians are for sale, regardless of party affiliation, to purchasers both foreign and domestic.


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  • (Score: 1) by NPC-131072 on Saturday August 17 2019, @01:44AM (1 child)

    by NPC-131072 (7144) on Saturday August 17 2019, @01:44AM (#881386) Journal

    It's okay, we don't like you either. This is also true for those of us on the morally superior left who don't even like ourselves. Don't worry; as proclaimed by Runaway's twin, we'll rename Greenland [youtube.com] upon purchase. Fuck yeah!

  • (Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Saturday August 17 2019, @11:11PM

    by Anonymous Coward on Saturday August 17 2019, @11:11PM (#881592)

    Wouldn't it be funny if conservatives actually evolved their world views after trolling as liberals?

    They have special tools [amazon.com] to help you speed up the process these days.