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COPENHAGEN (The Borowitz Report)—After rebuffing Donald J. Trump's hypothetical proposal to purchase Greenland, the government of Denmark has announced that it would be interested in buying the United States instead.
"As we have stated, Greenland is not for sale," a spokesperson for the Danish government said on Friday. "We have noted, however, that during the Trump regime, pretty much everything in the United States, including its government, has most definitely been for sale."
"Denmark would be interested in purchasing the United States in its entirety, with the exception of its government," the spokesperson added.
A key provision of the purchase offer, the spokesperson said, would be the relocation of Donald Trump to another country "to be determined," with Russia and North Korea cited as possible destinations.
If Denmark's bid for the United States is accepted, the Scandinavian nation has ambitious plans for its new acquisition. "We believe that by giving the U.S. an educational system and national health care, it could be transformed from a vast land mass into a great nation," the spokesperson said.
Attention Denmark: at least our politicians are for sale, regardless of party affiliation, to purchasers both foreign and domestic.
(Score: 2) by ilPapa on Saturday August 17 2019, @01:41PM (1 child)
I'm thinking maybe we can work out a three-country swap, where we let Russia invade Finland, who then signs it to a two-year deal and gives Denmark a first-round pick and we get Greenland and an option on years 2 & 3 of Iceland's rookie contract.
Hey, this international diplomacy stuff is easy! Maybe I'll get to work on that trade war. Now watch this putt...
You are still welcome on my lawn.
(Score: 2) by fraxinus-tree on Sunday August 18 2019, @08:29AM
Russia invades Finland? They tried hard, not so long ago, they failed miserably and they are not like trying again any time soon.