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COPENHAGEN (The Borowitz Report)—After rebuffing Donald J. Trump's hypothetical proposal to purchase Greenland, the government of Denmark has announced that it would be interested in buying the United States instead.
"As we have stated, Greenland is not for sale," a spokesperson for the Danish government said on Friday. "We have noted, however, that during the Trump regime, pretty much everything in the United States, including its government, has most definitely been for sale."
"Denmark would be interested in purchasing the United States in its entirety, with the exception of its government," the spokesperson added.
A key provision of the purchase offer, the spokesperson said, would be the relocation of Donald Trump to another country "to be determined," with Russia and North Korea cited as possible destinations.
If Denmark's bid for the United States is accepted, the Scandinavian nation has ambitious plans for its new acquisition. "We believe that by giving the U.S. an educational system and national health care, it could be transformed from a vast land mass into a great nation," the spokesperson said.
Attention Denmark: at least our politicians are for sale, regardless of party affiliation, to purchasers both foreign and domestic.
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Saturday August 17 2019, @11:07PM (1 child)
"entitlements"
Get fucked, the vast majority of welfare recipients are NOT fraudulent.
If you don't understand why social services are important for the poor and disadvantaged then you should really go get a degree in world history. Or you can just look at all the 1st world countries that spend less and have better outcomes, that should be a nice clue bat to reboot your head.
(Score: 1) by khallow on Sunday August 18 2019, @01:30AM
I also get why curbing those services is essential to a functioning society.
Well, perhaps we ought to look into that rather than pointlessly accuse me of nonsense when you just made a very important point for my argument? Yes, there are countries (and for that matter, US states) that manage to do much more with less. People seem strangely incurious about that other than to mention it in passing as some sort of imaginary rebuttal.