The nation's nerds woke up in a utopia this morning, one where everyone stays inside, sporting events are being canceled, and all social interaction is forbidden.
All types of nerds, from social introverts to hardcore PC gamers, welcomed the dawn of this new era, privately from their own homes.
"I have been waiting my whole life for this moment," said Ned Pendleton, 32 -- via text message, of course -- as he fired up League of Legends on his beefy gaming PC. "They told me to take up a sport and that the kids playing basketball and stuff were gonna be way more successful than us nerds who played Counter-Strike at LAN parties every weekend."
Always look on the bright side of life.
[Certainly an element of gallows humor, but it does offer a different perspective from the incessant drumbeat of gloom and doom surrounding the current SARS-CoV-2 pandemic. What "positives" have you seen? --martyb]
(Score: 2) by The Mighty Buzzard on Saturday March 14 2020, @11:05PM (14 children)
The Roomie and I've already got plans to self-quarantine out at the river with some fishing poles for a couple weeks if we catch it.
My rights don't end where your fear begins.
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Sunday March 15 2020, @01:12AM (2 children)
^ Just TMB coming out in favor of his roomies pole! [youtube.com]
(Score: 5, Funny) by The Mighty Buzzard on Sunday March 15 2020, @03:01AM (1 child)
Pffft, as if. He barely knows which end to hold and which to swing around. I do all the pole work round these parts.
My rights don't end where your fear begins.
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Sunday March 15 2020, @08:10PM
And how are his fishing skills?
(Score: 2) by JoeMerchant on Sunday March 15 2020, @03:01AM (9 children)
Just don't piss in the river, not only is it rude, it also spreads disease.
🌻🌻 [google.com]
(Score: 2) by The Mighty Buzzard on Sunday March 15 2020, @03:06AM (8 children)
Turn in your Man Card, Joe. Some things are just more important than public health and every red-blooded, American man knows whizzing in the river when you're fishing is one of them.
My rights don't end where your fear begins.
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Sunday March 15 2020, @04:06AM (2 children)
You'd better stock up on Busch Light next time you go to the grocery store.
(Score: 5, Funny) by The Mighty Buzzard on Sunday March 15 2020, @10:31AM (1 child)
Nah, I'm going with a bunch of Corona. That way I don't have to bother getting tested and can still say I came down with a case of Corona.
My rights don't end where your fear begins.
(Score: 2) by stretch611 on Sunday March 15 2020, @12:53PM
Don't forget...
Corona goes best with a Lime [wikipedia.org].
Now with 5 covid vaccine shots/boosters altering my DNA :P
(Score: 4, Interesting) by Runaway1956 on Sunday March 15 2020, @04:43AM (2 children)
The best piss, is underway on a large ship, doing 20 to 30 knots, and kicking up a huge rooster tail of foam behind. Walk out onto the fantail, unzip, and let it fly. I suppose that if I were a Paul Bunyan sized man, I could tint the wake yellow. ;^)
Before anyone asks, no, that is NOT approved naval procedure. If an officer saw you doing that, he'd write you up, and the CO would take some of your money, your rank, and he'd have you chipping paint for a couple of weeks. So, don't get caught pissing off the fantail!
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Sunday March 15 2020, @06:36PM (1 child)
Be careful not to get it caught in the propellers or tangled in the towed array.
(Score: 2) by Runaway1956 on Sunday March 15 2020, @06:51PM
No worries. When I dropped it in the cold water, it shriveled up almost instantly, safely out of reach of the screws.
(Score: 2) by JoeMerchant on Sunday March 15 2020, @12:33PM (1 child)
At least piss on the back side of the bank, most of your hepatitis will die off in the soil before it gets to the river.
One hepatitis infected fisherman can contaminate a whole bay full of shellfish.
🌻🌻 [google.com]
(Score: 3, Funny) by acid andy on Sunday March 15 2020, @05:19PM
It would be shellfish. Very, very shellfish. (Sorry!)
If a cat has kittens, does a rat have rittens, a bat bittens and a mat mittens?
(Score: 2) by driverless on Monday March 16 2020, @04:32AM
Most of the expected batch of looney conspiracy theories I've heard about this blame China, because... well, if it had to make sense it wouldn't be a conspiracy theory. However, we now know who's really behind the conspiracy: Nrrrrds!