Stories
Slash Boxes
Comments

SoylentNews is people

Nerds Wake Up in Utopia where Everyone Stays Inside, Sports are Canceled, Socializing Forbidden

posted by martyb on Saturday March 14 2020, @10:46PM   Printer-friendly
from the sign-me-up-for-the-next-hermit-convention dept.

Phoenix666 writes:

Babylon Bee:

The nation's nerds woke up in a utopia this morning, one where everyone stays inside, sporting events are being canceled, and all social interaction is forbidden.

All types of nerds, from social introverts to hardcore PC gamers, welcomed the dawn of this new era, privately from their own homes.

"I have been waiting my whole life for this moment," said Ned Pendleton, 32 -- via text message, of course -- as he fired up League of Legends on his beefy gaming PC. "They told me to take up a sport and that the kids playing basketball and stuff were gonna be way more successful than us nerds who played Counter-Strike at LAN parties every weekend."

Always look on the bright side of life.

[Certainly an element of gallows humor, but it does offer a different perspective from the incessant drumbeat of gloom and doom surrounding the current SARS-CoV-2 pandemic. What "positives" have you seen? --martyb]

Original Submission

 
This discussion has been archived. No new comments can be posted.
Nerds Wake Up in Utopia where Everyone Stays Inside, Sports are Canceled, Socializing Forbidden | Log In/Create an Account | Top | 127 comments | Search Discussion
Display Options Threshold/Breakthrough Mark All as Read Mark All as Unread
The Fine Print: The following comments are owned by whoever posted them. We are not responsible for them in any way.

  • (Score: 4, Troll) by Runaway1956 on Sunday March 15 2020, @04:47AM (3 children)

    by Runaway1956 (2926) Subscriber Badge on Sunday March 15 2020, @04:47AM (#971492) Journal

    sarcasm Are you SERIOUS? I thought all Americans wanted to live in Gay Bay, where you can drop trow, and defecate on the sidewalk! /sarcasm

    Starting Score:    1  point
    Moderation   +2  
       Troll=1, Funny=1, Underrated=2, Total=4
    Extra 'Troll' Modifier   0  
    Karma-Bonus Modifier   +1  
    Total Score:   4  

  • (Score: -1, Troll) by Anonymous Coward on Sunday March 15 2020, @05:58PM (2 children)

    by Anonymous Coward on Sunday March 15 2020, @05:58PM (#971633)

    I'd rather deal with the occasional turd than having a sentient one walking sround town plotting genocide.

    They're coming for you runaway! Better start up a meth habit so you can stay awake all night, cause that's when they come for you! Club to the head, black bag the fatty, toss in the trunk of a cadillac (need the space and power to haull off whales) and enroll you in fat nazi rehab camp.

    Worse than death for you maggots, education wooooOooOooOoooo.

    • (Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Sunday March 15 2020, @06:09PM (1 child)

      by Anonymous Coward on Sunday March 15 2020, @06:09PM (#971636)

      Just like China in the middle of the last century? Fekkin' commies are known for that kind of thing.

      • (Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Monday March 16 2020, @04:19PM

        by Anonymous Coward on Monday March 16 2020, @04:19PM (#971927)

        Comparing conservatives to chinese communist revolutionaries? Seems about right, they both devolved into fascist rule.