Why ‘playing hard to get’ may actually work:
We tend to like people who like us—a basic human trait that psychologists have termed “reciprocity of attraction.” This principle generally works well to start relationships because it reduces the likelihood of rejection. Yet, making the chase harder also has its advantages. So which one is the better strategy?
[...] But in a new study published this spring in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, the team now examined the effects playing hard to get, a mating strategy that is likely to instill a certain degree of uncertainty.
The researchers discovered that making the chase harder increased a potential mate’s desirability.
“Playing hard to get makes it seem as if you are more in demand—we call that having higher mate value,” says Harry Reis, a professor of psychology and Dean’s Professor in Arts, Sciences & Engineering at Rochester.
“People who are too easy to attract may be perceived as more desperate,” says coauthor Gurit Birnbaum, a social psychologist and associate professor of psychology at the IDC Herzliya. “That makes them seem less valuable and appealing—than those who do not make their romantic interest apparent right away.”
[...] Birnbaum advises to show initial interest in potential partners so as not to alienate them. At the same time, don’t reveal too much about yourself. People are “less likely to desire what they already have,” she explains. Instead, build a connection with a potential partner gradually, thereby creating “a sense of anticipation and a desire to learn more about the other person.”
Playing hard to get may work as long as potential partners feel that their efforts are likely to be successful—eventually.
Journal Reference:
Gurit E. Birnbaum, Kobi Zholtack, Harry T. Reis. No pain, no gain: Perceived partner mate value mediates the desire-inducing effect of being hard to get during online and face-to-face encounters, Journal of Social and Personal Relationships (DOI: 10.1177/0265407520927469)
(Score: 3, Interesting) by Bot on Thursday June 11 2020, @09:22AM (3 children)
Know your enemy know thyself.
So, you want a mate. Of course you won't settle with someone desperate, you want to nail the best you can. My suggestion is, respect them and put yourself in their shoes.
Is it a pretty female? males queue up to have a chance at physical contact with her, or to fap at her pics or something equally kind of degenerate. You rather respect her and get to know her first. If you don't click as character, leave it, if you do you will have something on which to build. Basically, friendzone yourself but be in charge of the dynamics. Because else you are going to become an orbiter, and orbiters are those who are easily mistaken for the guys queued up for a chance of a fuck.
Is it a well positioned male? females queue up to have a chance of partaking in his success, or something equally kind of utilitarian. It's in their nature, like it is for males to consider looks. So you rather respect him and don't try to invade his life and habits dramatically. You don't throw at him, you don't deny yourself just to play. Ofc the amount of intimacy you can reach depends on your faith or upbringing, so I won't go into details, just don't use it as a stick and carrot, or don't squander it away because of past experiences. The only problem, a male who is denied what is conceded to others is going to HATE it, so my suggestion is to stay on the conservative side instead of playing the man eater, trying to beat men at their own game. It is a game you can't win. Not because you cannot do exactly as males, in fact you can do much more. Because it will cost you more than it costs to any man player. Because for us males the intercourse can be literally nothing, and for you it's down to ALMOST nothing. I have seen literal bitches dealing with that ALMOST, it's not going to go away so mind it ASAP.
End of uncle bot life lesson.
Account abandoned.
(Score: 1) by anubi on Thursday June 11 2020, @10:47AM (1 child)
If the relationship is based on lie, I don't want to have a thing to do with it. It's like building on a bad foundation. It is doomed to fail before it's even started.
"Prove all things; hold fast that which is good." [KJV: I Thessalonians 5:21]
(Score: 2) by Bot on Thursday June 11 2020, @11:47AM
Technically, in the past playing hard to get was a matter of protocol, not a lie. But alas, those games are for experienced players, but since the mid-eighties people are not that well versed in sentimental relationships, so it is indeed a lie.
Account abandoned.
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Thursday June 11 2020, @02:11PM
Since you are wrong on the men side, I assume you are just as wrong on the female side.
But maybe that's just my experience