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posted by chromas on Wednesday June 10 2020, @11:37AM   Printer-friendly
from the catch-me-if-you-can dept.

Why ‘playing hard to get’ may actually work:

We tend to like people who like us—a basic human trait that psychologists have termed “reciprocity of attraction.” This principle generally works well to start relationships because it reduces the likelihood of rejection. Yet, making the chase harder also has its advantages. So which one is the better strategy?

[...] But in a new study published this spring in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, the team now examined the effects playing hard to get, a mating strategy that is likely to instill a certain degree of uncertainty.

The researchers discovered that making the chase harder increased a potential mate’s desirability.

“Playing hard to get makes it seem as if you are more in demand—we call that having higher mate value,” says Harry Reis, a professor of psychology and Dean’s Professor in Arts, Sciences & Engineering at Rochester.

“People who are too easy to attract may be perceived as more desperate,” says coauthor Gurit Birnbaum, a social psychologist and associate professor of psychology at the IDC Herzliya. “That makes them seem less valuable and appealing—than those who do not make their romantic interest apparent right away.”

[...] Birnbaum advises to show initial interest in potential partners so as not to alienate them. At the same time, don’t reveal too much about yourself. People are “less likely to desire what they already have,” she explains. Instead, build a connection with a potential partner gradually, thereby creating “a sense of anticipation and a desire to learn more about the other person.”

Playing hard to get may work as long as potential partners feel that their efforts are likely to be successful—eventually.

Journal Reference:
Gurit E. Birnbaum, Kobi Zholtack, Harry T. Reis. No pain, no gain: Perceived partner mate value mediates the desire-inducing effect of being hard to get during online and face-to-face encounters, Journal of Social and Personal Relationships (DOI: 10.1177/0265407520927469)


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  • (Score: 1) by anubi on Thursday June 11 2020, @10:47AM (1 child)

    by anubi (2828) on Thursday June 11 2020, @10:47AM (#1006231) Journal

    If the relationship is based on lie, I don't want to have a thing to do with it. It's like building on a bad foundation. It is doomed to fail before it's even started.

    --
    "Prove all things; hold fast that which is good." [KJV: I Thessalonians 5:21]
  • (Score: 2) by Bot on Thursday June 11 2020, @11:47AM

    by Bot (3902) on Thursday June 11 2020, @11:47AM (#1006239) Journal

    Technically, in the past playing hard to get was a matter of protocol, not a lie. But alas, those games are for experienced players, but since the mid-eighties people are not that well versed in sentimental relationships, so it is indeed a lie.

    --
    Account abandoned.