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“Dan” seems at first to perfectly embody that popular object of scorn these days in San Francisco: the privileged tech worker. He’s a developer-turned-manager at a thriving startup, the type of guy you would expect to see dodging protesters at a Google bus stop or evicting low-income tenants in order to build his dream condo. But beyond that veneer of untouchable privilege, there is a soft underbelly. He’s a 40-year-old virgin, and his troubles with women are bad enough that he’s sought out a sex therapist for help.
This is in part a result of techies’ higher-than-average salaries, which allow them to pay for therapy, particularly when it comes to non-traditional counseling that isn’t covered by insurance. There’s something else at play here, though: In general, tech workers are more vulnerable to issues around love and intimacy, according to several local sex therapists I’ve interviewed. The reasons for this are wide-ranging, but in Dan’s particular case, it resulted from being tagged as a prodigy at a young age. He excelled in science and was encouraged to pursue it to the exclusion of all else.
The men, like Dan, who are coming to see her have been hindered by the very thing that allows them to excel in their field. “There is a very strong reinforcement [in tech] on using your brain,” says McGrath. “You brain is what’s of value.” But when it comes to sex, she says, “our brains are bullshit.”
Original Submission
(Score: 2) by Magic Oddball on Monday June 01 2015, @07:46AM
I don't think so — the article says that that his therapist is teaching him "the very basics of talking to women."
Personally, I think he'd be better off signing up with one of the Bay Area services that facilitates interesting outings for groups of (almost invariably affluent) singles so they can meet & get to know each other without needing to come up with conversational topics.
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Monday June 01 2015, @11:47AM
Its engineering logic, he needs help with SO-239 connectors, he's not going to seek out the local expert on PL-259 connectors.
The original-OP (great grand op) does epic fail in two areas. One is, more or less, empathy, if you was a chick I'd find you at the ... and he can't figure that out so he says F it and goes to the video game store and the hardware store instead (I actually did stuff like that when I was young single and dumb). And the other problem is not recognizing the local experts, or at least somewhat more skilled, that being the married dudes. I was OK at finding women when I was single, but when I got married, holy crap now that my wife drags me all over the place there seems to be single women EVERYWHERE she drags me. Maybe she's trying to tell me something?
Anyway you don't really need a "service" to get into hobbies that involve women. Assuming you like to hike, join the local hiking club / bike trail club / friends of the trail club. And true maybe 50% of the population at a scrapbooking store or craft store or craft show are at or beyond the formaldehyde age, but there are at least some 1st class hotties. Then there's the chicks getting their maternal on, by pampering their dog at the local dog park or similar; you'd think you need a dog but an excellent line to use is "hey I was thinking of getting a dog what do you think of (insert race of her dog here)?" and everyone knows someone who has a pet dog you could borrow and take to the park, probably. Every freaking one horse village on the planet has some boosterism oriented festival / block party all provincially thinking they are the only one horse village on the planet to have invented the idea of having a big party, which is comical to the more well informed, anyway they tend to be swarmed with women. Also "health", weirdly enough, is marketed almost 100% to women, so if you like hippie chicks go to the earth day party at the local organic health food store and it'll be about 75% (admittedly hairy) women. Then there's bookstores with author book signings (at least you'll have something to talk about), special museum days, stuff like that. Farmers markets are the same food you could buy at the health food store produce aisle but marked up, none the less crawling with women.
I used to work out at a gym that was locally known as a meat market by multiple single guys who never worked out, which was pretty weird because nothing went on there either with me or anyone else I heard of at that gym, so if a guy who can't find women gives you some great advice about finding women, don't listen to it. It was hilarious because multiple single guys who didn't work out thought they handed out aerobics bunnies like towels, one (used one?) to each guy, which was just bizarre. Where do they get these weird ideas, TV or movies? I mean the aerobics bunny classes weren't even in the same room as the weights and everyone is all sweaty tired and sore, it just isn't happening.
I recognize that almost all conventional "normal" socialization involves getting drunk (unhealthy) followed by drunk driving (illegal, but everyone does it and the odds of getting caught are extremely unbelievably low and the punishments correspondingly extremely high), drunk sex (technically rape cause she's drunk, but absolutely everyone does it), and drunk pregnancy/STDs (It burns when I read Soylent News, oh no wait thats /r/gonewild), I never got into that scene, but it is technically possible for a non-drinker to meet chicks, its just a little more challenging.
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Monday June 01 2015, @12:43PM
OK, so the chicks are at the ..., but where is the ...? :-)