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posted by martyb on Saturday May 17 2014, @02:46PM   Printer-friendly [Skip to comment(s)]
from the looking-for-really-REALLY-good-bodyguards dept.

What is the largest lawsuit ever filed?

Did you guess Apple v. Samsung? SCO taking over the world? Not even close!

This is Anton Purisima v. Au Bon Pain Store, Carepoint Health, Hoboken University Medical Center, Kmart Store 7749, St. Luke's Emergency Dept., New York City Transit Authority, City of New York, NYC MTA, LaGuardia Airport Administration, Amy Caggiula, and Does 1-1000. Case No. 1:14 CV 2755 (S.D.N.Y. filed 4/11/2014).

What did the defendants allegedly do? "Civil rights violations, personal injury, discrimination on national origin, retaliation, harassment, fraud, attempted murder, intentional infliction of emotional distress, and conspiracy to defraud. $2,000 decillion ($2,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000)", not including punitive damages.

Randall Munroe's What If? analyzed exactly how much money that is, and how it could be repaid (I especially like this answer in the forums). Might just have set the new record for the Biggest Known Demand!

It's the weekend and a slow news day, so here's an opportunity to let your imagination run wild. What suggestions do you have for the plaintiff and/or defendants?

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  • (Score: -1, Troll) by Anonymous Coward on Saturday May 17 2014, @03:03PM

    by Anonymous Coward on Saturday May 17 2014, @03:03PM (#44643)

    Who gives a fuck.

  • (Score: 4, Insightful) by Thexalon on Saturday May 17 2014, @03:04PM

    by Thexalon (636) on Saturday May 17 2014, @03:04PM (#44644)

    The judge will immediately dismiss this case due to the litigant being unable to present prima facie evidence that anyone has ever caused him damages remotely similar to what he is claiming. The judge may also recommend psychiatric treatment.

    If any of the defendants feel like giving a brief in opposition, it is something along the lines of:

    "Plaintiff has got to be kidding."

    (This was used in an actual case, and won, with the opinion from the judge that this was "for reasons best stated in the defendant's brief")

    --
    The only thing that stops a bad guy with a compiler is a good guy with a compiler.
  • (Score: 5, Interesting) by sgleysti on Saturday May 17 2014, @03:14PM

    by sgleysti (56) on Saturday May 17 2014, @03:14PM (#44648)

    Some lady's dog bit him on the middle right finger while he was riding a bus. He claims the dog had rabies, she wouldn't give him more information, and the people with her were conspiring against him.
    He claims the Au Bon Pain store knowingly overcharges him for coffee relative to other patrons.
    He claims LaGuardia Airport denied him services of public accommodation because they wouldn't let him use his rice cooker in the airport.
    Chinese people follow him and take pictures of him. These might be the Does 1-1000.
    Page 8: apparently he did get a rabies shot.
    And it gets repetitive near the end; this guy might be schizotypal.

    • (Score: 3, Funny) by Jerry Smith on Saturday May 17 2014, @03:42PM

      by Jerry Smith (379) on Saturday May 17 2014, @03:42PM (#44650) Journal

      Positive side of this case: it's great material for math lessons.

      --
      All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain. Time to die.
    • (Score: 4, Interesting) by pillo on Saturday May 17 2014, @04:19PM

      by pillo (93) on Saturday May 17 2014, @04:19PM (#44655)

      I googled the name out of curiosity - turns out this guy is a serial filer (if that is a word...) ;-)

      http://dockets.justia.com/search?query=Anton+Puris ima [justia.com]

      Search found 20 filed cases against several casinos, the ex leader of the Chinese Communist Party, the city of New York, JPMorgan Chase, Wells Fargo, even random strangers allegedly hitting him while riding bikes. Each of these dismissed in court if not rejected outright.

      He must be secretly buying shares of the company supplying paper to the court in NY...

      • (Score: 2) by jimshatt on Saturday May 17 2014, @11:36PM

        by jimshatt (978) on Saturday May 17 2014, @11:36PM (#44721) Journal

        hitting him while riding bikes

        Happened to me once. Well, I was the one riding the bike and some dude hit me in the face. I was so flabbergasted, I didn't even realize what happened to me until I was at least 100m away. No point in turning back and giving him a good talking to.
        Anyway, isn't there a penalty against frivolous litigation?

    • (Score: 3, Funny) by maxwell demon on Saturday May 17 2014, @04:32PM

      by maxwell demon (1608) Subscriber Badge on Saturday May 17 2014, @04:32PM (#44659) Journal

      That suggests the following defensive strategy: Convince him (using a proxy he doesn't know is associated with you) that there's serious thought manipulation going on in court rooms, especially targeted on plaintiffs, and if he wants to "remain sane" he has to withdraw his accusations and never sue anyone again. ;-)

      --
      The Tao of math: The numbers you can count are not the real numbers.
  • (Score: 0, Redundant) by eliphas_levy on Saturday May 17 2014, @03:33PM

    by eliphas_levy (1523) Subscriber Badge on Saturday May 17 2014, @03:33PM (#44649) Homepage
    [xkcd.com]https://what-if.xkcd.com/96/ [xkcd.com]
    --
    This is a sigh.
    • (Score: 4, Insightful) by gman003 on Saturday May 17 2014, @06:04PM

      by gman003 (4155) on Saturday May 17 2014, @06:04PM (#44672)

      I'm glad to see that the strong tradition of not even reading the fucking summary is still being followed here on Soylent.

  • (Score: 2, Interesting) by Nerdanel on Saturday May 17 2014, @04:02PM

    by Nerdanel (3363) on Saturday May 17 2014, @04:02PM (#44652) Journal

    Assuming that the defendant somehow lost the lawsuit and was ordered to pay all the money (which won't happen, but we're speaking hypothetically here) AND that the debt will get paid somehow instead of Au Bon Pain just becoming bankrupt... It turns out that that's kind of possible and doesn't even require more material wealth than exists of planet Earth to pull it off.

    The scenario: The US government decides that Au Bon Pain is too delicious to fail and comes to the rescue. They generously choose to give the company a gift of 2 undecillion US dollars, created by the Federal Reserve just for this purpose. The person who sued the company is now the richest person on Earth - for a little while, as there is still something the US government can do, given enough political will and unity, which there must have been for the situation having gotten to this point.

    The government will arrange a switch to a new currency. Old dollars on people's bank accounts will be exchanged for New Dollars, but only up to a limit. If the switch is made a microsecond after the person who sued the company gets the money, there won't be enough time to convert those dollars into something else like the pre-existing rich people would have done after learning about the currency switch.

    And thus Au Bon Pain is saved while the US economy suffers but isn't completely obliterated. While they're at it, the US could use the currency switch to wipe out the national debt too, at the cost of making the new currency weaker for it.

  • (Score: -1, Offtopic) by Anonymous Coward on Saturday May 17 2014, @04:20PM

    by Anonymous Coward on Saturday May 17 2014, @04:20PM (#44656)

    Stuff that matters?

  • (Score: 2) by rts008 on Saturday May 17 2014, @04:21PM

    by rts008 (3001) on Saturday May 17 2014, @04:21PM (#44657)

    Were I a court judge, and someone tried to enter my court with this kind of ridiculous suit, I would have the bailiff just shoot them in the face with a rocket launcher...case(and plaintiff) dismissed.

    • (Score: 2) by Grishnakh on Saturday May 17 2014, @04:40PM

      by Grishnakh (2831) on Saturday May 17 2014, @04:40PM (#44662)

      If I were a judge, this case would make my day. I wouldn't be able to stop laughing. That would make it a much more enjoyable case than 99% of the rest of them.

  • (Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Saturday May 17 2014, @10:52PM

    by Anonymous Coward on Saturday May 17 2014, @10:52PM (#44714)

    If that's Zimbabwean, then it's only peanuts. *shot*

  • (Score: 1, Funny) by Anonymous Coward on Sunday May 18 2014, @10:07AM

    by Anonymous Coward on Sunday May 18 2014, @10:07AM (#44819)

    He's simply using the RIAA's special math for calculating damages.

    Maybe the dog had rabies and maybe by going to the ER he missed the only chance he had to meet his perfect woman; obviously their descendants would have won every single drawing of the national lottery for the next 42 million years or so. => $2 undecillion loss.

  • (Score: 2) by Rivenaleem on Monday May 19 2014, @08:58AM

    by Rivenaleem (3400) on Monday May 19 2014, @08:58AM (#45135)

    This is the number Dr Evil was searching for.