The fact that the tuataras don't have penises makes them a useful study organism because it allows scientists to ask whether the lizards' ancestors had penises and lost them, or never had them to begin with. Now, according to new research published today in Biology Letters, the last common ancestor of all the amniotes did, in fact, have an erectable phallus, and that the modern diversity is the result of evolutionary tweaks over time (not the separate evolution of different phalluses).
Overheard at a cocktail party:
'So, what do you do?'
'I study lizard penises.'
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The Penis Only Evolved Once, Suggests Study of Lizard Embryos
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(Score: -1, Spam) by Anonymous Coward on Friday October 30 2015, @09:34AM
If you not drunk ladies and gentlemen
Get ready to get fucked up
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Lil Jon, yeah
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The ladies love us when we pour shots
They need an excuse to suck our cocks
(Suck my cock)
We came to get crunk, how 'bout you?
Bottoms up, let's go round two
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If you ain't getting drunk, get the fuck out the club
If you ain't takin' shots, get the fuck out the club
If you ain't come to party, get the fuck out the club
Now where my alcoholics? Let me see your hands up
What you drinkin on?
Jaegerbombs
Lemondrops
Buttery Nipples
Jello Shots
Kamikaze
3 wise men
Fuck all that shit
Get me some gin
Shots, Patron's on the rocks and I'm ready for some
Shots, the women come around everytime I'm pourin'
Shots, their panties hit the ground everytime I give 'em
Shots, so cups in the air, everybody let's take shots
If you feelin' drunk put your hands in the air
And if you trying to fuck put your hands in the air
Now say, "I'm fucked up"
(I'm fucked up)
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I'm trying to fuck
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Shots, Patron's on the rocks and I'm ready for some
Shots, the women come around everytime I'm pourin'
Shots, their panties hit the ground everytime I give 'em
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(Score: 1, Offtopic) by Anonymous Coward on Friday October 30 2015, @09:37AM
It's here!
The rules:
- No "your mom" jokes
- Avoid overly rude/tasteless language (Let's keep it PG-13, people!)
- No contorted System D analogies (however tempting, especially in this case)
Best of luck to you all.
(Score: 5, Funny) by Anonymous Coward on Friday October 30 2015, @09:43AM
SystemD fucked your mom.
(Score: 2) by Bot on Friday October 30 2015, @09:57AM
Hey, that's MY motherboard!
Account abandoned.
(Score: 2) by Hyperturtle on Friday October 30 2015, @05:20PM
I would mod this as "toushy" instead of "touche".
(Score: 5, Funny) by Anonymous Coward on Friday October 30 2015, @12:39PM
Overheard at a cocktail party:
'So, what do you do?'
'I study lizard penises.'
No but what do you do for a living?
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Friday October 30 2015, @12:52PM
No but what do you do for a living?
LOL!
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Friday October 30 2015, @05:03PM
Q: What do girls now say when they want cunnilingus ?
A: Fuck me like a tuatara.
(Score: 4, Interesting) by Runaway1956 on Friday October 30 2015, @11:27AM
The penis may only have evolved once, but the human design is almost certainly the peak as regards competition. All male mammals compete for reproduction rights/privileges, but the human penis takes that competition to a higher level.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/02/penis-shape-explanation_n_1642613.html [huffingtonpost.com]
“Take me to the Brig. I want to see the “real Marines”. – Major General Chesty Puller, USMC
(Score: 5, Funny) by FatPhil on Friday October 30 2015, @11:50AM
A follow-up study from the Sorbonne, France, concluded that the penis was shaped the way it is was to give maximum pleasure to the woman during sex.
Both were wiped off the table when a final study from Princeton, USA, concluded that the penis was shaped the way it is was to stop your hand slipping off the end.
Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people; the smallest discuss themselves
(Score: 2) by ilPapa on Friday October 30 2015, @02:00PM
That's true. I have the blue ribbons to prove it.
You are still welcome on my lawn.
(Score: 2) by fritsd on Friday October 30 2015, @02:13PM
AhA!! so YOU are that prized Scotsman [wikia.com]!
(Score: 3, Informative) by VortexCortex on Friday October 30 2015, @02:40PM
The penis may only have evolved once, but the human design is almost certainly the peak as regards competition.
Negative. The human penis does not have to contend with crypto vaginae, unlike ducks. [youtube.com]
(Score: 2) by Runaway1956 on Friday October 30 2015, @03:14PM
That's kind of awesome. I learned long ago that roosters don't have a penis, and somehow, I ASSumed that other birds don't have them either. You link to a bird penis, so I double check - some birds do not, some birds do have penises. Hmmmmm . . . seems that chickens did have them, way back in the mists of time, but then they lost them. Interesting.
Now, I'm almost tempted to find out why male ducks - and ostriches - need that crazy looking thing. Almost.
“Take me to the Brig. I want to see the “real Marines”. – Major General Chesty Puller, USMC
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Friday October 30 2015, @01:23PM
draining the lizard.
(Score: 3, Informative) by shortscreen on Friday October 30 2015, @05:47PM
A gonopodium is pretty much the same idea as a penis. IANAB(iologist) but a quick look at wiki suggests that fish did not descend from the common ancestor of amniotes mentioned in TFS.
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Friday October 30 2015, @07:20PM
I remember going to a talk by a girl that studied female rat orgasms. You could tell they were orgasming when they arched their backs.
(Score: 2) by mendax on Friday October 30 2015, @08:35PM
The Penis Song [youtube.com] from Monty Python's last film The Meaning of Life.
Oh, you know someone had to make a reference it here.
It's really quite a simple choice: Life, Death, or Los Angeles.
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Saturday October 31 2015, @08:48PM
It is also called Isn't It Awfully Nice To Have A Penis [metrolyrics.com]
-- gewg_