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posted by cmn32480 on Sunday September 17 2017, @09:47AM   Printer-friendly
from the Linux-erotica dept.

The other day, Michael W Lucas, who is normally known for good technical literature, put up a wild experiment of a short story: Savaged by Systemd. It's erotica, sort of. It's computer erotica, to be specific. It's Linux sysadmin erotica, to be more specific. OK, fine, it's systemd erotica. Really. Anyway, despite the subject and the genre, and in spite of the combination of the two, the e-book is trending and rising in quite a few lists.

Hopefully he can still remain focused on Absolute FreeBSD and be able to get that finished by the next BSDCan.

[Ed note: Has anybody actually bought and read this short story? I wasn't going to spend $2.99 to see what the hubub was about. - cmn32480]


Original Submission

Related Stories

Modern Versions of systemd Can Cause an Unmount Storm During Shutdowns 102 comments

System adminsitrator Chris Siebenmann has found Modern versions of systemd can cause an unmount storm during shutdowns:

One of my discoveries about Ubuntu 20.04 is that my test machine can trigger the kernel's out of memory killing during shutdown. My test virtual machine has 4 GB of RAM and 1 GB of swap, but it also has 347 NFS[*] mounts, and after some investigation, what appears to be happening is that in the 20.04 version of systemd (systemd 245 plus whatever changes Ubuntu has made), systemd now seems to try to run umount for all of those filesystems all at once (which also starts a umount.nfs process for each one). On 20.04, this is apparently enough to OOM[**] my test machine.

[...] Unfortunately, so far I haven't found a way to control this in systemd. There appears to be no way to set limits on how many unmounts systemd will try to do at once (or in general how many units it will try to stop at once, even if that requires running programs). Nor can we readily modify the mount units, because all of our NFS mounts are done through shell scripts by directly calling mount; they don't exist in /etc/fstab or as actual .mount units.

[*] NFS: Network File System
[**] OOM Out of memory.

We've been here before and there is certainly more where that came from.

Previously:
(2020) Linux Home Directory Management is About to Undergo Major Change
(2019) System Down: A systemd-journald Exploit
(2017) Savaged by Systemd
(2017) Linux systemd Gives Root Privileges to Invalid Usernames
(2016) Systemd Crashing Bug
(2015) tmux Coders Asked to Add Special Code for systemd
(2016) SystemD Mounts EFI pseudo-fs RW, Facilitates Permanently Bricking Laptops, Closes Bug Invalid
(2015) A Technical Critique of Systemd
(2014) Devuan Developers Can Be Reached Via vua@debianfork.org
(2014) Systemd-resolved Subject to Cache Poisoning


Original Submission

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  • (Score: 5, Funny) by Anonymous Coward on Sunday September 17 2017, @10:04AM (7 children)

    by Anonymous Coward on Sunday September 17 2017, @10:04AM (#569334)

    unzip; strip; touch; grep; finger; mount; fsck; more; yes; umount; sleep

    • (Score: 1, Funny) by Anonymous Coward on Sunday September 17 2017, @10:16AM (2 children)

      by Anonymous Coward on Sunday September 17 2017, @10:16AM (#569339)

      alias horny="/usr/bin/true";unzip; strip;
      While `horny` do
      touch; grep; finger; mount; fsck; more; yes; umount;
      done
      sleep;

      There. FTFY

      • (Score: 3, Funny) by Aiwendil on Monday September 18 2017, @10:18PM (1 child)

        by Aiwendil (531) on Monday September 18 2017, @10:18PM (#569954) Journal

        Sounds painful on the second evaluation...

        • (Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday September 19 2017, @09:55PM

          by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday September 19 2017, @09:55PM (#570386)

          Sounds painful on the second evaluation...

          Just one of the many potential issues [youtube.com].

    • (Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Sunday September 17 2017, @10:25AM (3 children)

      by Anonymous Coward on Sunday September 17 2017, @10:25AM (#569343)

      grep?

  • (Score: 5, Funny) by NotSanguine on Sunday September 17 2017, @10:05AM (9 children)

    I like my erotica to involve humans. And that doesn't include Lennart Poettering.. I know, I know that's just crazy talk.

    Maybe that spamming DN moron has read it? It sounds like something an idiot (or a systemd fetishist; but I repeat myself) would like.

    Perhaps one of Fustakrakich's chat bots [soylentnews.org] could write a review of it for us.

    --
    No, no, you're not thinking; you're just being logical. --Niels Bohr
    • (Score: 2) by RamiK on Sunday September 17 2017, @10:34AM

      by RamiK (1813) on Sunday September 17 2017, @10:34AM (#569346)

      Shepherds [gnu.org] are human... Insert viral human transmittable goat STD licensing joke here.

      --
      compiling...
    • (Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Sunday September 17 2017, @10:34AM

      by Anonymous Coward on Sunday September 17 2017, @10:34AM (#569347)

      Accept Lennart in your heart!

    • (Score: 2, Funny) by Anonymous Coward on Sunday September 17 2017, @10:43AM

      by Anonymous Coward on Sunday September 17 2017, @10:43AM (#569349)

      It doesn't necessarily need to involve Lennart, it could involve an anthropomorphic systemd process, in a similar vein of erotic fiction as Pounded By The Pound: Turned Gay By The Socioeconomic Implications Of Britain Leaving The European Union [amazon.com].

    • (Score: 1) by fustakrakich on Sunday September 17 2017, @04:50PM (1 child)

      by fustakrakich (6150) on Sunday September 17 2017, @04:50PM (#569426) Journal

      :-) Appreciate the props... I am trying to learn how to draw a crowd.

      --
      La politica e i criminali sono la stessa cosa..
      • (Score: 2) by NotSanguine on Sunday September 17 2017, @06:36PM

        :-) Appreciate the props... I am trying to learn how to draw a crowd.

        Your chatbot journal was pure gold, so the pleasure was all mine.

        As to drawing a crowd, I suggest painting your entire body in day-glo colors, going down to the local seat of government wherever you live and removing all your clothes in front of the government building(s).

        That ought to draw a crowd! Oh, and you're welcome. :)

        --
        No, no, you're not thinking; you're just being logical. --Niels Bohr
    • (Score: 2) by Hyperturtle on Sunday September 17 2017, @06:42PM (3 children)

      by Hyperturtle (2824) on Sunday September 17 2017, @06:42PM (#569457)

      I actually thought it was a story about safe words and punishment gone awry... when the passwords changed and the safe words weren't!

      Systemd provides more punishment than even a linux masochist could ever hope for. Windows can be sadistic in its simplictly, and by extention that can lead to issues caused by ignorance; systemd just cuts to the chase and turns any sysadmin session into something out of Pulp Fiction... (then again, there were no safe words during that scene--just a Gimp).

      • (Score: 5, Funny) by NotSanguine on Sunday September 17 2017, @07:16PM

        Systemd provides more punishment than even a linux masochist could ever hope for. Windows can be sadistic in its simplictly, and by extention that can lead to issues caused by ignorance; systemd just cuts to the chase and turns any sysadmin session into something out of Pulp Fiction... (then again, there were no safe words during that scene--just a Gimp).

        Does that mean Lennart Poettering plays the role of "Zed"? Something along the lines of:
        Obnoxious user: You okay?
        BOFH: Nah, man. I'm pretty far from okay.
        Obnoxious user: What now?
        BOFH: What now? Lemme tell you what now. I'm a call a couple of hard, pipe-hittin' Rust devs to go to work on the Lennart here with a pair of pliers and a blow torch. You hear me talkin' systemd boy?!? I ain't through wit' you by a damn sight! I'm a get 'dpkg -P' on yo' ass!
        Obnoxious user: I meant what now between me and you?
        BOFH: Oh, that "what now." I tell you what now between me and you. There is no me and you. Not no mo'.
        Obnoxious user: So we cool?
        BOFH: Yeah, we cool. Two things: Don't tell nobody about this. This shit is between me, you, and Mr. soon to be living the rest of his short-ass life in agonizing pain systemd-dev here. It ain't nobody else's business. Two: You delete all your files and log off for good. Tonight. Right now. And when you log off, you stay logged off or you'll be forcibly disconnected, permanently! You lost all your account privileges. Deal?
        Obnoxious user: Yeah.
        BOFH: Get your ass outa here.

        [With apologies to Quentin Tarantino [imdb.com], but none for Lennart Poettering]

        --
        No, no, you're not thinking; you're just being logical. --Niels Bohr
      • (Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Monday September 18 2017, @12:35AM (1 child)

        by Anonymous Coward on Monday September 18 2017, @12:35AM (#569545)

        I couldn't disagree more WRT "simplicity" and Redmond.

        MICROS~1's junk is sludge piled on top of more sludge.
        It's not an example of simplicity; it's a Klein flask. [google.com]

        A favorite topic of blogger and Linux advocate Robert Pogson is MICROS~1's needless complexity. [google.com]

        Here's M$ guy[1] Ray Ozzie on the topic (2010):
        Complexity kills
        "Complexity kills. Complexity sucks the life out of users, developers, and IT. Complexity makes products difficult to plan, build, test, and use. Complexity introduces security challenges. Complexity causes administrator frustration" [archive.org]

        [1] Heh. Almost said -former- M$ guy--but there's no such thing.
        ...though some do recognize their sins, committed as part of The Borg.

        .
        ...then there is the antithesis:
        Do one thing; do it well; make it easy to interoperate with that.
        The Unix Philosophy [wikipedia.org]

        -- OriginalOwner_ [soylentnews.org]

        • (Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Monday September 18 2017, @02:17AM

          by Anonymous Coward on Monday September 18 2017, @02:17AM (#569596)

          What's wrong with Klein flasks? You're just jealous because I have a Klein bottle hat with several Acme guarantees about its topology and you don't.

  • (Score: 5, Informative) by Virindi on Sunday September 17 2017, @10:25AM (7 children)

    by Virindi (3484) on Sunday September 17 2017, @10:25AM (#569344)

    Spoiler: It's a story about a sysadmin. One day they run updates on a bunch of servers and inexplicably everything exploded. At the end of the story they discover that it is because systemd was auto-installed and they didn't notice it in the package list.

    This happened to me more than once. The positive effect is that I now read through the packages-to-change list when updating a lot more carefully.

    • (Score: -1, Troll) by Anonymous Coward on Sunday September 17 2017, @02:16PM

      by Anonymous Coward on Sunday September 17 2017, @02:16PM (#569390)

      I feel the whole systemd fiasco is really akin to SJWs pushing "there are more than two genders" bullshit on everyone.

    • (Score: 5, Interesting) by Thexalon on Sunday September 17 2017, @02:36PM (4 children)

      by Thexalon (636) on Sunday September 17 2017, @02:36PM (#569392)

      My most inexplicable systemd experience, the one that convinced me to run Slackware specifically to avoid it, was rendering my system non-bootable through the simple act of unplugging my mouse. On a sane system, it boots up without a mouse and you have to do everything via a keyboard. On systemd as it stood then (they might have remedied this since - I wouldn't know) it sat there with a black screen and offering no feedback whatsoever nor responding to the keyboard in any way. I tried several hard resets (the only thing I could do) to try to figure it out. Finally, I re-plugged in the mouse, hard-reset again, and it immediately started up.

      I mean, come on, Lennart, you never considered the possibility that a non-essential accessory might not be plugged in?

      --
      The only thing that stops a bad guy with a compiler is a good guy with a compiler.
      • (Score: 1) by krait6 on Sunday September 17 2017, @07:22PM (2 children)

        by krait6 (5170) on Sunday September 17 2017, @07:22PM (#569466)

        I have a (working) server running (with no mouse attached) with systemd installed, so I'd like to think that this may not be a problem today. I believe your story though, because I tried systemd early on before many of the distributions adopted it and I ran into a number of problems back then.

        And today systemd is still quirky. As a user/administrator one needs to know systemctl commands, and as a maintainer packages need some specific changes because of systemd. For instance systemd tends to start services before networking is up and available, even when requested to wait until the network is actually up and running before starting things, and that causes problems for some daemons, which end up coming up but listening to nothing. And there are further quirks with disabling services via environment variables in /etc/default/ files. And then surprises like systemd mounting the EFI bios read/write, so that doing an 'rm -rf /*' ends up bricking certain laptops.

        The good news is that on some distributions systemd can be removed, but it gets tricky if one wants to run KDE or Gnome where expectations of systemd services being available.

        For the time being I'm living with systemd, but I keep re-evaluating if I want to keep it that way, because of the proliferation of other services like systemd-networkd, systemd-timesyncd, and so on.

        • (Score: 2) by Azuma Hazuki on Monday September 18 2017, @01:07AM (1 child)

          by Azuma Hazuki (5086) Subscriber Badge on Monday September 18 2017, @01:07AM (#569561) Journal

          Artix, an admittedly somewhat rough fork of ArchLinux, seems to work well enough. I had some issues with the Calamares installer; it's best to partition your drive manually and then just have Calamares mount the partitions, not format them, apparently. And initial install takes a while since it's mostly coming off Sourceforge. But once in it works just like Arch with OpenRC init. I run Plasma 5 with no problems, and was able to get Gnome 3.24 going with no issues (except, well, it's Gnome 3.x...).

          --
          I am "that girl" your mother warned you about...
          • (Score: 1) by purple_cobra on Wednesday September 20 2017, @02:35PM

            by purple_cobra (1435) on Wednesday September 20 2017, @02:35PM (#570618)

            Sounds interesting; I'll give a trial in VirtualBox. My Linux box is running Manjaro-OpenRC ATM and seems to be fine now, though there was some issue with the elogind change a while back that caused problems I couldn't fix. Admittedly these might have been my fault as a) I was running a non-Manjaro kernel and b) I've not been an actual honest-to-goodness Linux administrator for 20 years or so, hence it's possible/probable I did something that caused it.

      • (Score: 2) by linkdude64 on Tuesday September 19 2017, @03:29AM

        by linkdude64 (5482) Subscriber Badge on Tuesday September 19 2017, @03:29AM (#570043)

        That is pathetic. I haven't tried recently, but I'm pretty sure even Windows can boot without a mouse plugged in.

    • (Score: 1, Interesting) by Anonymous Coward on Sunday September 17 2017, @04:57PM

      by Anonymous Coward on Sunday September 17 2017, @04:57PM (#569431)

      Easy to avoid with Gentoo. Add it to a "# Lennart" section in /etc/portage/package.mask.

  • (Score: 5, Funny) by Bot on Sunday September 17 2017, @12:14PM

    by Bot (3902) on Sunday September 17 2017, @12:14PM (#569369) Journal

    > systemd erotica
    I thought bestiality was banned?

    --
    Account abandoned.
  • (Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Sunday September 17 2017, @03:18PM (2 children)

    by Anonymous Coward on Sunday September 17 2017, @03:18PM (#569397)

    Savaged by systemd
    Pounded in the butt by ps -awfux
    Assrammed by assembler
    Molested by Mozilla
    Gettin' sexy with XFCE
    Gettin' deviant with Debian
    Hands on XXX11 (this one's popular in Japan and banned in Australia)

    • (Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Sunday September 17 2017, @04:59PM

      by Anonymous Coward on Sunday September 17 2017, @04:59PM (#569432)

      Jacked Off By JavaScript
      Outsourced in the ass by an Indian Sex Guru Muscle God

    • (Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Monday September 18 2017, @01:10PM

      by Anonymous Coward on Monday September 18 2017, @01:10PM (#569733)

      Ravished by Rasbian
      Caressed by Crux
      Raped by poettering

  • (Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Sunday September 17 2017, @05:56PM

    by Anonymous Coward on Sunday September 17 2017, @05:56PM (#569447)

    Fight fire with porn?

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