The world is full of assholes. Wherever you live, whatever you do, odds are you're surrounded by assholes. The question is, what to do about it?
Robert Sutton, a psychology professor at Stanford University, has stepped up to answer this eternal question. He's the author of a new book, The Asshole Survival Guide, which is basically what it sounds like: a guide for surviving the assholes in your life.
In 2010, Sutton published The No Asshole Rule, which focused on dealing with assholes at an organizational level. In the new book, he offers a blueprint for managing assholes at the interpersonal level. If you've got an asshole boss, an asshole friend, or an asshole colleague, this book might be for you.
Asshole survival, Sutton says, is a craft, not a science, meaning one can be good or bad at it. His book is about getting better at it.
I sat down with him recently to talk about his strategies for dealing with assholes, what he means when he says we have to take responsibility for the assholes in our lives, and why he says self-awareness is key to recognizing that the asshole in your life may be you.
https://www.vox.com/conversations/2017/9/26/16345476/stanford-psychologist-art-of-avoiding-assholes
(Score: 5, Insightful) by The Mighty Buzzard on Tuesday October 10 2017, @04:59AM (10 children)
Rest assured, if you think you're surrounded by assholes, you're the asshole. Or Dark Helmet.
My rights don't end where your fear begins.
(Score: 3, Insightful) by looorg on Tuesday October 10 2017, @05:11AM
If the world if full of assholes isn't it a pretty safe bet that you are an asshole to someone else? You might just not know about it, or you do and you just don't care cause you are indeed an asshole.
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday October 10 2017, @08:17AM (3 children)
Rest assured, if you think generalizing with cool sounding one liners makes sense, you're and idiot. Or not.
(Score: 3, Touché) by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday October 10 2017, @08:36AM
You're surrounded by assholes, aren't you?
(Score: 2) by The Mighty Buzzard on Tuesday October 10 2017, @11:28AM
Ditto if you're unable to take a complex situation and glean simpler but still meaningful truths from it.
My rights don't end where your fear begins.
(Score: 2) by Gaaark on Tuesday October 10 2017, @01:01PM
" you're and idiot"
Who is what?
--- Please remind me if I haven't been civil to you: I'm channeling MDC. ---Gaaark 2.0 ---
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday October 10 2017, @01:40PM (2 children)
"You run into an asshole in the morning, you ran into an asshole. You run into assholes all day, you're the asshole."
(Score: 2, Insightful) by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday October 10 2017, @07:18PM (1 child)
That's not a truism; it's just an idea bite, and a lame one at that. The data is in. Here in the USA, just under 50% of the voters last time around took the opportunity to demonstrate that they were assholes, in that they were willing to put an asshole into the office of the president, despite the fact that he'd clearly demonstrated, repeatedly and clearly and in exquisite detail, that he was, in fact, an asshole. All those people intentionally chose an asshole over a more-or-less run of the mill political operator. They're assholes. A lot of assholes.
The Internet is chock full of people who have been shouting "down with Obamacare" and then "keep the ACA", despite having been told – repeatedly – that they are one and the same. Etc., for a long list of environmental, social, technical, ethnic, scientific, and sexist issues.
Then there are the assholes who run around claiming that hurricanes are acts of "god" punishing pro-LGBT social trends and legislation.
Then there are the assholes who are perfectly willing to yank our pitiful excuse for a social safety net out from under the needy, all the while working to reduce its scope.
Then there are the assholes who are exporting jobs and businesses out, and products in.
Then there are the assholes who mouth trickle-down illusions, while snickering as their quite real trickle-up methods concentrate what wealth there is in their hands.
The idea that consistently meeting assholes means it's you... that doesn't necessarily follow. Definitely: this country, at least, is well populated with assholes. Meeting assholes and idiots will be the norm. Doesn't mean you're one. Unless you are.
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday October 11 2017, @06:06AM
One person's dirtier asshole is another person's cleaner asshole. Take your example, goes to show that that asshole in chief that got voted was deemed cleaner by 50% of the population than the one running against him, even though from your perspective you rather labelled her "more-or-less run of the mill political operator" but the folks on the flip side seem to think she's an asshole too but a lot dirtier...
(Score: 3, Touché) by DeathMonkey on Tuesday October 10 2017, @06:20PM (1 child)
I'm reading a thread about Psychology on SN.
Clearly I'm actively seek out assholes!
(Score: 3, Touché) by The Mighty Buzzard on Tuesday October 10 2017, @08:46PM
You rang?
My rights don't end where your fear begins.
(Score: -1, Troll) by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday October 10 2017, @05:09AM
Just block them and call the police. Bully proof windows, troll safe doors!
(Score: 2, Insightful) by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday October 10 2017, @05:11AM (1 child)
He's trying to sell books.
(Score: 5, Funny) by bzipitidoo on Tuesday October 10 2017, @08:43AM
> He's trying to sell books.
What an asshole!
(Score: 5, Funny) by aristarchus on Tuesday October 10 2017, @05:19AM (10 children)
Something has happened to Eth of late. He is making sense. At least two insightful and coherent posts in the last twenty-four hours! The best was
https://soylentnews.org/politics/comments.pl?noupdate=1&sid=21952&page=1&cid=578981#commentwrap [soylentnews.org]
The Asshole Fairy explains so, so much in this present world.
(Score: 3, Funny) by Fnord666 on Tuesday October 10 2017, @05:37AM (3 children)
Even a stopped clock is ... oh you know the rest.
(Score: 3, Funny) by coolgopher on Tuesday October 10 2017, @05:45AM (2 children)
...an asshole?
I think you're making less sense than Eth now, Fnord ;)
(Score: 2) by aristarchus on Tuesday October 10 2017, @06:34AM
What really worries me is that it may not be Eth that has changed, which would mean that it is me, then? Being John Malkovich, only with Eth: American Horror Show?
(Score: 3, Funny) by Fnord666 on Tuesday October 10 2017, @01:12PM
Isn't the first time, won't be the last.
(Score: 3, Funny) by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday October 10 2017, @08:39AM (2 children)
That is not where the Asshole Fairy touches you. Hint: she wears latex gloves for a reason.
(Score: 1, Funny) by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday October 10 2017, @01:37PM (1 child)
"She" wears latex on "her" wand too.
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday October 10 2017, @04:54PM
Well as least she's not an asshole! Or does she slip it off 1/2 way through without telling you?
(Score: 3, Insightful) by Phoenix666 on Tuesday October 10 2017, @01:54PM (1 child)
I've noticed that too. It's direct evidence for how close we are to the singularity now, that the arc of the universe has bent so much. The next and final sign will be when jmorris zooms to the left of you.
Washington DC delenda est.
(Score: 2) by bob_super on Tuesday October 10 2017, @10:04PM
He is so far to the right of me, that I might have to move to a bigger planet soon.
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday October 10 2017, @02:03PM
> Since you are now an asshole, everything you say is null and void and I will ignore you from now on no matter what you say.
That is more or less the premise of that "no assholes" book. I had a boss who encouraged everyone to buy a copy of that and used that philosophy on anyone who disagreed with him to ignore them. He was a real asshole.
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday October 10 2017, @05:24AM (1 child)
I just tell the McDouche we have running things what he wants to hear. When our god-forsaken failure of Service Now goes tits up he can explain that to his bosses.
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday October 10 2017, @02:41PM
I think I might work at the same company as you... Are you also inflicted by the similarly god-forsaken failure of WorkDay?
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday October 10 2017, @05:40AM (6 children)
As if one can't be good or bad at science?
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday October 10 2017, @05:49AM (3 children)
There's no good or bad about it; it's a method.
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday October 10 2017, @06:01AM (2 children)
There are scientists who do good work, and ones who do bad (lousy) work. You could say the ones who do bad work aren't really scientists, but it is their profession.
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday October 10 2017, @06:10AM (1 child)
There are flaws in their implementation of the method.
Now, either you avoid assholes or you don't.
That's an outcome, not a method.
(Score: 3, Funny) by coolgopher on Tuesday October 10 2017, @06:51AM
Now you're just being an asshole about it :)
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday October 10 2017, @08:43PM (1 child)
Actually, I'd rather hear from an asshole on how to avoid psychologists.
(Score: 3, Touché) by The Mighty Buzzard on Tuesday October 10 2017, @08:47PM
Let your check to yours bounce.
My rights don't end where your fear begins.
(Score: 3, Insightful) by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday October 10 2017, @06:18AM (11 children)
(Score: 2, Funny) by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday October 10 2017, @07:00AM
Maybe not, but he did free the slaves, punch Nazis in the face, and slay Vampires, so we got to give him that.
(Score: 1, Insightful) by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday October 10 2017, @07:03AM (9 children)
Lincoln maneuvered the South into conflict, suspended the writ of habeas corpus without Congress, printed the greenback into oblivion, and was an overall warlording tyrant who deeply divided the country to the point of its bloodiest tragedy.
Save your aggrandizing of Lincoln for the children in Government Schools.
(Score: 2, Touché) by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday October 10 2017, @07:09AM
Best . Republican . President . Ever!!!
(Score: 3, Funny) by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday October 10 2017, @08:44AM (1 child)
Bloodiest tragedy so far. I think I heard the current divider-in-chief say "hold my beer".
(Score: 3, Funny) by Gaaark on Tuesday October 10 2017, @01:13PM
No: he was talking to Hillary, and he said "Hold Donald Jr, but not my son Donald Jr, but my other Donald Jr, you know the Donald Jr that is on me where a pussy is on a lady...oooh, beer!"
--- Please remind me if I haven't been civil to you: I'm channeling MDC. ---Gaaark 2.0 ---
(Score: 3, Informative) by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday October 10 2017, @01:30PM (3 children)
You lost. Get over it.
(Score: 3, Insightful) by SpockLogic on Tuesday October 10 2017, @01:39PM
No America lost. Sad.
Overreacting is one thing, sticking your head up your ass hoping the problem goes away is another - edIII
(Score: 2) by DutchUncle on Tuesday October 10 2017, @02:26PM (1 child)
I notice nobody says that in sports. It's usually more like "You lost. Do better next time." or "We're gonna run that play again until we get it right."
(Score: 4, Insightful) by Thexalon on Tuesday October 10 2017, @05:16PM
That might have something to do with the fact that sports games, unlike wars, have no real consequences to anybody.
And the American Civil War is definitely not something I would want to see re-run. Not just because of the senseless waste of human life involved, but also because the South was wrong, those nostalgic about the South are wrong, and the idea of white supremacy is wrong.
The only thing that stops a bad guy with a compiler is a good guy with a compiler.
(Score: 2) by Phoenix666 on Tuesday October 10 2017, @01:57PM
It's almost like you're channeling that Spike Lee alternate history where the South won the Civil War. Are you? Or are you writing those things sincerely? That would be novel.
Washington DC delenda est.
(Score: 5, Informative) by Thexalon on Tuesday October 10 2017, @05:10PM
He was so amazingly good at maneuvering he managed to do that before he took office!
Specifically, the south seceded months before he took office. South Carolina forces had pushed the US military presence in Charleston to Fort Sumter and put the fort under siege, had fired on an unarmed US ship trying to bring supplies to the fort, and issued an ultimatum to President James Buchanan which Buchanan refused. This was all before Lincoln could do anything, because he wasn't president.
1. Inflation always happens during a major war. You are correct that the value of a US dollar was cut approximately in half during the Civil War. But the same basic thing happened in the 6 Years War, the Revolutionary War, the War of 1812, WW I, and WW II.
2. The Confederate dollar did much much much worse. By 1862, less than a year into the war, the Confederate dollar was worth half of what it had been at the beginning of the war. By the beginning of 1864, 1 Confederate dollar was worth about what had been 4 cents in 1861. And by the end of the war, $1 was worth the same as $0.001 at the beginning of the war. The Confederates basically went full-on Zimbabwe hyperinflation trying to pay for the war.
The country was deeply divided long before Lincoln showed up on the political scene. And when he won, the south seceded and started shooting before he took office. There's absolutely no way to blame that on Lincoln's actual actions while in office.
The only way Lincoln could have avoided a war was to give the South everything they asked for: Complete independence from the North. And even then, it's likely he would have only delayed things, because the South would probably not have stood for slaves escaping over the CSA-USA border: The USA under the control of southern leadership had already captured Florida and defeated Mexico over that. Furthermore, the consequences to giving in would have been pretty much the end of the US government: Maryland would likely have bolted to the CSA, leaving Washington DC surrounded and probably besieged.
Also, some historians have made the case that the Confederate government did more damage to the Confederate population than the Union did. For instance, the Confederacy instituted a draft well before the Union did, and drafted a much higher percentage of their population than the Union did (towards the end it was basically every able-bodied man in the Confederacy was supposed to report for army duty, although many didn't).
The Civil War happened because the rich people in the south at the time preferred war to facing the prospect of one day losing their wealth and power. They dragged a lot of people down with them. If one of your ancestors fought for the Confederacy and you want to feel better about it, pretend that your great-great-grandfather was drafted in and thought he was fighting to protect his home.
The only thing that stops a bad guy with a compiler is a good guy with a compiler.
(Score: 2) by richtopia on Tuesday October 10 2017, @04:00PM
I know I'm an asshole. So now I need to read this book to defeat people using the book's tactics against me. What an asshole move!
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday October 10 2017, @06:24PM
The No Asshole Rule came out in 2007, not 2010. I remember, because I gave a copy to my boss as a parting gift.
(Score: 2) by KritonK on Wednesday October 11 2017, @07:48AM
Judging from the title, I thought that the book was a survival guide for assholes. Unfortunately, this is not the subject of the book, which is therefore of no use to me.