from the strange-olympics dept.
Finally, the invention I wanted all my life has come to pass:
"A British company has released the first pictures of a 'smart condom' which collects very intimate data about the sex life of anyone brave enough to wear it.
The device is called the i.Con and can detect STIs as well as sending data about a sex session straight to the wearer's smartphone.
British Condoms said its 'revolutionary wearable tech for the bedroom' measures the number of calories burned during intercourse, the speed of a man's thrusts, how long he lasts and even what positions are used.
The condom firm said its invention would help men see how they 'stack up to other people from around the world'."
[...] The smart condom is a small band which fits around the bottom of a man's willy, which means wearers will still need to strap on a normal condom to get full protection.
It is waterproof and features a band that's 'extraordinarily flexible to ensure maximum comfort for all sizes'.
Bizarrely, it even lights up to provide illumination for both partners' nether regions.
Now, we can all compete in the Direct International Comparison Kinetics. Hooray. ;)