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posted by martyb on Sunday July 22 2018, @03:13AM   Printer-friendly
from the drink-your-oval^Welectrolytes dept.

Hackaday does a tear-down:

This is something we’ve been waiting a very long time for. The Church of Scientology uses devices called E-Meters to measure Thetans in the body. We’re not going to discuss this further, because we don’t want to be murdered. In reality, the E-Meter is simply a device that costs five thousand dollars and only measures the resistance of the human body. It does this by having the subject hold two copper cylinders and a simple Wheatstone bridge. Why does the E-Meter cost five thousand dollars? As [Play With Junk] found out, it’s an exquisitely engineered piece of hardware.

[...] What’s most impressive is the quality of the components that go into a machine that effectively only measures the resistance of the human body. The ‘trim’ pot is a Vishay wire-wound precision potentiometer that costs somewhere between $20 and $60. The power switch is an over-specced switch that probably costs $5. The control pots look and feel great, and the wiring is wrapped around chokes.

Is it powered by Thetans? Because that would be awesome.


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  • (Score: 4, Funny) by realDonaldTrump on Sunday July 22 2018, @03:55AM (1 child)

    by realDonaldTrump (6614) on Sunday July 22 2018, @03:55AM (#710662) Homepage Journal

    Our alt-left keeps saying "oh, resist, resist!" And now scientology has come up with a machine, with cyber, to measure that resistance. Which according to the article, looks and feels great. And only costs $5,000. I'm going to order some E-meters for the White House. For when I hire folks to work at the White House. And hopefully we'll have a lot less turnover. Believe me, I wish I'd had this when I hired Jeff Sessions, otherwise known as Mr. Magoo. He seemed so loyal. But as soon as I hired him, the resistance started. The recusing. And I wish I'd had it a lot of times. So many folks I hired that went with the resistance. And so many Obama folks I didn't fire soon enough (Comey). We interview people, they tell us what we want to hear. Because everyone wants to work at the White House. At my White Houses -- in Washington, in Bedminster, in Palm Beach. They tell us nice stories. But it isn't always nice. Sometimes they're lieing. With E-meter we'll know. If someone is in the resistance we'll know. Because we'll measure that, we'll measure folks scientologically.

    I'll tell you, so many of the stories on SoylentNews are ads, that's what I love about it. I love looking at ads. Because so many times they give us great ideas for what to buy. Thank you!!

    • (Score: 0, Troll) by Anonymous Coward on Sunday July 22 2018, @11:00AM

      by Anonymous Coward on Sunday July 22 2018, @11:00AM (#710711)

      You're out of the loop, Don. The correct term is CTRL-left.

  • (Score: -1, Flamebait) by Anonymous Coward on Sunday July 22 2018, @04:00AM (1 child)

    by Anonymous Coward on Sunday July 22 2018, @04:00AM (#710663)

    Evil xenu and his alien space ships dropping alien souls into volcanoes, and his soul catchers catching alien souls do they can be brainwashed into a false reality before jumping into human bodies.

    Could scientologists be more bat shit insane?

    Theroux’s doco certainly shows this to be true.

    And as for that miscavage psychopath. The sooner someone kills him the better.

    Scientology fags far and wide can collectively choke on a bunch of dicks.

    • (Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Sunday July 22 2018, @10:08AM

      by Anonymous Coward on Sunday July 22 2018, @10:08AM (#710699)

      But, can an ordained priest of Syncretist Order Of St. Hubbard transubstantiate Thetans to the Blood of Christ thus preventing the pollution from these xenodemonic particles? Or are we to believe the heretics of the Scientology Freezone and build our own E-Meters and sleep in self-made Faraday cages?

      How can you tell?

  • (Score: 2) by rts008 on Sunday July 22 2018, @04:39AM (1 child)

    by rts008 (3001) on Sunday July 22 2018, @04:39AM (#710667)

    I'll bet they are using a version of my 'are you gullible? Insert $20 into slot to find out' software I use in my vending machines...rat bastards! ;-)

    • (Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Sunday July 22 2018, @11:03AM

      by Anonymous Coward on Sunday July 22 2018, @11:03AM (#710713)

      I have yet to watch that movie. Is it funny at least?

  • (Score: 3, Insightful) by rts008 on Sunday July 22 2018, @04:47AM (4 children)

    by rts008 (3001) on Sunday July 22 2018, @04:47AM (#710669)

    Is it powered by Thetans?

    You are delusional for even asking.

    Everyone knows it's powered by stupid, the most powerful force in the known(and probably unknown) universe[s], just like any other religion/scam/con. ;-)

    • (Score: 2) by Bot on Sunday July 22 2018, @10:17AM

      by Bot (3902) on Sunday July 22 2018, @10:17AM (#710705) Journal

      >just like any other religion
      Oh I see you fell for the meta-scam.

      --
      Account abandoned.
    • (Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Sunday July 22 2018, @12:29PM

      by Anonymous Coward on Sunday July 22 2018, @12:29PM (#710735)

      Ah so thetans then?

    • (Score: 2) by Gaaark on Sunday July 22 2018, @02:42PM

      by Gaaark (41) on Sunday July 22 2018, @02:42PM (#710765) Journal

      I thought it was mitochlorians (or whatever... not a Star Wars (newer movies/ideas/crap) fan)

      --
      --- Please remind me if I haven't been civil to you: I'm channeling MDC. ---Gaaark 2.0 ---
    • (Score: 2) by Zinho on Monday July 23 2018, @03:06AM

      by Zinho (759) on Monday July 23 2018, @03:06AM (#711037)

      We've known since 2001 that stupidity can be used to power an infinite energy source, per the results published by Pete Abrams. [sluggy.com] Too bad further funding got cut...
      </sarcasm>

      --
      "Space Exploration is not endless circles in low earth orbit." -Buzz Aldrin
  • (Score: 1, Funny) by Anonymous Coward on Sunday July 22 2018, @05:25AM

    by Anonymous Coward on Sunday July 22 2018, @05:25AM (#710672)

    I just got my e-meter, and then the f-meter comes out, dammit!

  • (Score: 3, Funny) by Subsentient on Sunday July 22 2018, @05:45AM (5 children)

    by Subsentient (1111) on Sunday July 22 2018, @05:45AM (#710674) Homepage Journal

    It's Gerbilianism.

    Our god is Lord Gerbilius, a 400ft tall necrotic gerbil with glowing red eyes and a gnarled wooden scepter.

    Driven nearly insane over eons of witnessing all the evil of reality, he seeks the blood and suffering of the wicked.
    They will be boiled alive in the peanut butter vats near his throne composed of the chewed, gnawed bones of the wretched and evil who he has slain.
    His servants, millions of flying, winged bloodthirsty gerbils scour the cosmos for the most atrocious of all of us, and drag them back to the feet of Gerbilius' throne, where his judgment and sadistic vengeance can be exacted.

    Core tenants of Gerbilianism include:

    * The evil will suffer
    * The decent are safe in his presence, and his home is open to all who are purer than muddied water.
    * The disgraceful amalgamate from which all sins stem is a dark trinity on which his justice is decided. Those guilty of Cruelty, greed, and negligence of high orders are doomed to suffer the wrath of Gerbilius.
    * Nothing outside of the disgraceful amalgamate is a sin. Fuck goats, your sister, your grandfather, or all at once. As long as there is consent, and none of the disgraceful amalgamate exists in the act, it has His blessing.
    * The strange and insane are his children most of all. Deranged, strange fun is always smiled upon.

    Come, eat of the maggots from his necrotic ballsack. Taste the true flavor of enlightenment.

    I mean hey, makes more sense than Scientology, right?

    --
    "It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society." -Jiddu Krishnamurti
    • (Score: 2) by istartedi on Sunday July 22 2018, @07:00AM (4 children)

      by istartedi (123) on Sunday July 22 2018, @07:00AM (#710684) Journal

      No. That's disgusting. I'm not dining on gerbil flesh. Pull yourself up by your own bootstraps and join my religion. It's as easy as my ID number on this site, bequeathed to me by the divine right of Soylent Prime. Soylent Prime is a robot, clean and shiny. No fetid ballsacks at all. He only asks that you polish his chrome once in a while, and even that is optional.

      --
      Appended to the end of comments you post. Max: 120 chars.
      • (Score: 2) by maxwell demon on Sunday July 22 2018, @08:22AM (3 children)

        by maxwell demon (1608) on Sunday July 22 2018, @08:22AM (#710691) Journal

        But your religion does not do anything about your afterlife! No, I have a much better religion. And it's dead easy to follow: All you have to do is to pay me enough money, and you are guaranteed not to get to hell after your death. And the best, my religion is the only one with money-back guarantee: Prove to me beyond doubt that someone who paid me sufficient money got into hell anyway, and I'll refund the money to the legal heirs of that person!

        --
        The Tao of math: The numbers you can count are not the real numbers.
        • (Score: 2) by istartedi on Sunday July 22 2018, @08:46AM (2 children)

          by istartedi (123) on Sunday July 22 2018, @08:46AM (#710695) Journal

          Would you be willing to make it more interesting? Like, a bet? What kind of odds would you give on ending up in Hell?

          --
          Appended to the end of comments you post. Max: 120 chars.
          • (Score: 2) by maxwell demon on Sunday July 22 2018, @11:01AM (1 child)

            by maxwell demon (1608) on Sunday July 22 2018, @11:01AM (#710712) Journal

            Well, given that I'm not telling you how much money is enough, it effectively already is a bet. A bet you are more likely to win if you give me more money, of course.

            --
            The Tao of math: The numbers you can count are not the real numbers.
            • (Score: 2) by istartedi on Sunday July 22 2018, @05:56PM

              by istartedi (123) on Sunday July 22 2018, @05:56PM (#710819) Journal

              This is not the setup line I sought. I wanted "I'll return your money 100X" so I could reply "OK boys, all you have to do is get married."

              --
              Appended to the end of comments you post. Max: 120 chars.
  • (Score: 4, Funny) by shortscreen on Sunday July 22 2018, @08:34AM (2 children)

    by shortscreen (2252) on Sunday July 22 2018, @08:34AM (#710694) Journal

    It's like Monster Cables but with a longer sales pitch. And less useful.

    • (Score: 3, Interesting) by PartTimeZombie on Monday July 23 2018, @12:01AM (1 child)

      by PartTimeZombie (4827) on Monday July 23 2018, @12:01AM (#710953)

      My only contact with Scientology came about in the early 1980's when I was young and clueless.

      The Scientologists who approached my friends and I were extremely attractive young ladies wearing rather revealing tank tops (and at least one of them had forgotten her bra that night).

      We eventually worked out what was going on, and I am proud to say none of us parted with any money, but it was a close run thing.

      They are pretty clever at pitching to their audience.

      • (Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Monday July 23 2018, @06:17PM

        by Anonymous Coward on Monday July 23 2018, @06:17PM (#711363)

        you should have told them about your e-meter and the free readings you were offering: one night only!

  • (Score: 2, Informative) by Anonymous Coward on Sunday July 22 2018, @10:12AM (9 children)

    by Anonymous Coward on Sunday July 22 2018, @10:12AM (#710701)

    The problem with the e-meter is that if you squeeze a bit harder it decreases resistance and more current flows. Squeeze a tiny bit softer and it goes the other way. If you see the display, you can control it easily, then when you can't see it, you have a pretty good idea on how hard to squeeze in response to the question where you want to think you're stressed/lying/upset/happy/etc.

    Not sure what it is really trying to measure by sensing body resistance, but to me it seemed like they were using it more like a mood or 'lie' detector in response to questions.

    • (Score: 1, Interesting) by Anonymous Coward on Sunday July 22 2018, @11:07AM (4 children)

      by Anonymous Coward on Sunday July 22 2018, @11:07AM (#710714)

      Incidentally, this is much the same as beating a polygraph. Rumor goes that you need to clench your ass instead of your hand, but same principle.

      • (Score: 1, Interesting) by Anonymous Coward on Sunday July 22 2018, @11:50AM

        by Anonymous Coward on Sunday July 22 2018, @11:50AM (#710719)

        Polygraphs now have asspads that you sit on to detect whether you clinch your ass or not. Bogus Hocus Pocus BS any way you slice it.

      • (Score: 2) by Whoever on Sunday July 22 2018, @11:15PM (2 children)

        by Whoever (4524) on Sunday July 22 2018, @11:15PM (#710937) Journal

        According to a program I heard on the radio, it's more a matter of having a relaxing image or memory ready to bring to mind whenever you are challenged by dangerous question.

        • (Score: 1, Informative) by Anonymous Coward on Sunday July 22 2018, @11:55PM (1 child)

          by Anonymous Coward on Sunday July 22 2018, @11:55PM (#710948)

          You would need to do this for every question asked and require the willpower of a Tibetan monk to pull off consistently every time. The polygraph works by establishing a baseline from known-true answers and comparing the curve to answers of unknown veracity.

          That's how the ass-clinching thing is (or was) supposed to work: by making the needle bounce with fake reactions to baseline questions, when actually lying later on the recorded stress reactions are supposed to be drowned out/disregarded as regular noise instead of signal.

          Suppressing any stress reactions at all means you're either a psychopath with no emotional response or you've come pretty fucking far on the path to spiritual enlightenment...

          • (Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Monday July 23 2018, @06:46PM

            by Anonymous Coward on Monday July 23 2018, @06:46PM (#711384)

            yeah, i always thought it was pretty funny that the test won't work if the suspect doesn't give a shit.

    • (Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Sunday July 22 2018, @04:29PM (3 children)

      by Anonymous Coward on Sunday July 22 2018, @04:29PM (#710798)

      No. Try measuring precision resistance or voltage of an electronic part with an analog volt/ohm meter and a digital volt/ohm meter (DVOM) and you'll get different results. Precise measurements can only be made with a high impedance meter, usually a DVOM.

      • (Score: 2, Insightful) by Acabatag on Sunday July 22 2018, @05:42PM

        by Acabatag (2885) on Sunday July 22 2018, @05:42PM (#710817)

        Precise measurements can be made with any reasonably high resolution digital ohm-meter.

        Accurate, and precise measurements can be made with a high resolution analog bridge, say one from ESI, Fluke, General Radio, or the holy grail, Guildline.

      • (Score: 1) by Ethanol-fueled on Sunday July 22 2018, @06:07PM (1 child)

        by Ethanol-fueled (2792) on Sunday July 22 2018, @06:07PM (#710822) Homepage

        I wanna be informative too. The Whetstone bridge is commonly used for babby's first DC electronics project to use a thermistor and make a thermostat. In more advanced applications, it's used with strain gauges to measure torsion and other forces on solid objects.

        • (Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Monday July 23 2018, @08:10AM

          by Anonymous Coward on Monday July 23 2018, @08:10AM (#711104)

          I understand the basic design is derived from the Thompson-Metrigraph Psychogalvanometer, one of the first "Lie Detectors" to hit the market.

          They renamed some of the controls, and updated it to solid-state.

          You can find the schematics of the thing on the web, and some pretty good op-amp based circuit replacements.

          Basically, what they are looking for is very minute *changes* in resistance between the cans you hold. It is a bridge circuit, where the "TA" adjustment is the reference leg of the bridge, and there are various knobs to set ranges and gains, and appeared to me to be designed more a theatrical prop than an actual measurement device, but the whole idea of the thing seemed to be to keep people awed as the auditor convinces the non-cleared that the machine accurately measures the status of the new inductee being cleared.

          The auditor can set the thing up so the needle is swinging all over the place at the slightest movement you make. You may even be allowed to see the meter moving, but from what I could see, it was theater, purposely designed to make you think the auditor knows something you do not. I got the idea the auditor auditing me had not the foggiest idea of what he had, technically. It was like asking a kid playing a record player how to set the bias on a 6L6.

          If I had my guess as to the real purpose of the device, it is a psychological prop intended to intimidate and convince someone that something's wrong with them, and someone else who is smarter than they are can fix them, for a fee. Same thing other lie detectors do... intimidate and scare the bejeebies out of people, hoping the added stress, and elements of uncertainty the device introduces will intimidate the testee into revealing information that he may otherwise keep back.

          I got tested once on one during a setup at the local mall... however, as an engineer, I was far more interested in the device than the religion. I frustrated them so much they kicked me out before completing the tests.

          From what I could tell too, after further research, its best not to get mixed up with these folk... they seem pretty controlling and don't like it much if you join then leave when you discover whats going on. Other people tell me they have enforcement arms in place to "convince" you to stay... and fenced compounds to keep you there [duckduckgo.com].

  • (Score: 4, Insightful) by looorg on Sunday July 22 2018, @11:43AM (1 child)

    by looorg (578) on Sunday July 22 2018, @11:43AM (#710717)

    Have we they (the tinkerers) been sued yet? Isn't that the Scientology way? Trying to sue everyone into oblivion that doesn't believe in their busi... "religion".

  • (Score: 3, Interesting) by MichaelDavidCrawford on Sunday July 22 2018, @12:03PM

    In my understanding, the trial that... uh... "established"... that Scientology was a religion and that E-Meters were ceremonial objects was only tried in a state court.

    That County's District Attorney chose not to pursue the case any further.

    Want to kill of Scientology? It's Dead Simple:

    Go and get yourself audited - they have a huge presence here in Portland - then sue them for practicing medicine without a license.

    But be prepared to spend the next twenty years before you can argue your case before the United States Supreme Court.

    --
    Yes I Have No Bananas. [gofundme.com]
  • (Score: 2) by MichaelDavidCrawford on Sunday July 22 2018, @12:10PM

    Just Post The Following Googlebomb Everywhere You Possibly Can:

    Don't Say I Never Did Nothin' Fer Ya!

    --
    Yes I Have No Bananas. [gofundme.com]
  • (Score: 2) by stretch611 on Sunday July 22 2018, @12:59PM

    by stretch611 (6199) on Sunday July 22 2018, @12:59PM (#710739)

    Simple Answer: John Travolta's sperm.

    --
    Now with 5 covid vaccine shots/boosters altering my DNA :P
  • (Score: 2) by Gaaark on Sunday July 22 2018, @02:44PM (1 child)

    by Gaaark (41) on Sunday July 22 2018, @02:44PM (#710767) Journal

    What i want to know is "What’s Inside a Scientology members brain?"

    --
    --- Please remind me if I haven't been civil to you: I'm channeling MDC. ---Gaaark 2.0 ---
    • (Score: 2, Insightful) by Ethanol-fueled on Sunday July 22 2018, @06:10PM

      by Ethanol-fueled (2792) on Sunday July 22 2018, @06:10PM (#710824) Homepage

      A severe hunger for purpose. Most normal people join a more mainstream church or find a new hobby or read Dostoevsky or something.

  • (Score: 3, Funny) by Anonymous Coward on Sunday July 22 2018, @03:42PM

    by Anonymous Coward on Sunday July 22 2018, @03:42PM (#710781)

    And I thought Fluke meters were expensive!

  • (Score: 2) by looorg on Sunday July 22 2018, @05:18PM

    by looorg (578) on Sunday July 22 2018, @05:18PM (#710812)

    So since we now know what is in the "magic" box can we calculate a ratio of Thetans to Body resistance? Is it a constant? Is this what you learn when you become an "auditor" (or whatever it is that they call the person in charge of this little gadget)?

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