Bad News for People Who Can't Remember Names:
With colleagues at Scotland's University of Aberdeen, [psychologist Devin] Ray ran four experiments[$] that measured how people interpret forgetting. One had 56 students keep online "diaries" at the beginning of the school year, asking them to detail every single time they were forgotten. Their entries, recorded daily for two weeks, captured all the ways forgetting can play out. For the most part, it was loose acquaintances forgetting basic facts—names, class years, majors—or experiences they'd shared with the diary keepers, like attending the same party. But there were also broken commitments ("My friend was supposed to meet me at the library today"), dramatic exclusions ("My friends organized a night out and forgot to ask me"), and confusions of one person for someone else.
Ray and his team were surprised by how consistently damaging all this forgetting was. Statistical analyses of both the students' reports and a follow-up, controlled study found that people who were forgotten felt less close to those who had forgotten them, regardless of whether the forgetter was a family member or someone they'd just met. Mercifully, the people who were forgotten were almost always eager to excuse the memory lapses: The university students, for instance, would explain away potential slights with comments like "she already met too many people in the last couple of days." But such rationalizations only softened the blow in the end. "The good news is that this happens a lot, and people will try their best to be forgiving," Ray says. "The bad news is that, on average, they can't quite get there."
These results, published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, suggest that forgetting someone does indeed send the message everyone seems to fear it does: You simply weren't interested or invested in that person enough to remember things about them. The impression might be inescapable. "It's such a big deal to admit that you don't remember a person," says Laura King, a psychologist at the University of Missouri who has separately studied the social consequences of forgetting. "It's an insult, even though it's completely innocent and we have absolutely no desire to hurt the person's feelings. You just told that person they're a zero."
In a subtle way, doing so might harm the people who are forgotten, on top of their relationships with the forgetters. Ray's team asked the research subjects to do a little soul searching during the experiments, instructing participants to rate their general feelings of belonging, self-esteem, meaningful existence, and other abstract emotions after they were forgotten or remembered. The effects were marginal but reliable: People who were forgotten reported decreased senses of belonging and meaning in the world. It was as if they'd received an ever-so-faint existential zap.
If you meet me in real life and don't remember my name, just introduce yourself as "Anonymous Coward" and I'll know to do the same.
(Score: 3, Insightful) by Anonymous Coward on Sunday October 14 2018, @10:21PM (1 child)
My oh my, university students forget names, etc all the while they are studying and drinking like fish. This isn't damaging, it's human behavior.
Let's be honest, if I had to remember every face, name, major or class year of every casual acquaintance I met in college I would have to drink more just so I could forget them all. We remember the people we want to, or those we find interesting. That's how we develop our close circle of friends. Everybody isn't in that circle because the more people you invite in the less "close" everybody is.
(Score: 1, Insightful) by Anonymous Coward on Monday October 15 2018, @10:19AM
What he said. Also, university (particularly the first year thereof) is the classic example of superficial over-socializing.
To the researchers :- Do the study again, somewhere other than a university, and then come back to us.
(Score: 5, Touché) by Runaway1956 on Sunday October 14 2018, @10:23PM (12 children)
Somehow, I can't take this more than half seriously. You forgot my name? No problem, I'm Runaway1956. You're bad with names? No problem, I'll remind you until I get tired of reminding you. Stop apologizing - I don't really give a shit. I have problems with names myself. I understand - we've all met thousands of people in our lifetimes, and we can't remember every damned name.
Do try to remember Bill's name. He's the short dickhead with sandy hair. He's sensitive like a little girl. If you forget his name more than two or three times, he'll throw himself on the floor and cry. It's embarrassing for everyone who happens to be near. The only way I can explain it is, his mama must have forgotten him a lot when he was little. Left him in the grocery cart, in the middle of winter. She drove home with the groceries, and left him in the parking lot. The police brought him home, of course. Nobody else wanted the little sissy. Anyway, he's really sensitive. Try not to trigger him, alright?
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Sunday October 14 2018, @10:46PM
Yes, we've noticed ;)
(Score: 2) by c0lo on Sunday October 14 2018, @10:54PM
Yeah, I got your nick, thanks, but otherwise... who are you and why should I care?
(grin)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aoFiw2jMy-0 https://soylentnews.org/~MichaelDavidCrawford
(Score: 4, Interesting) by hemocyanin on Sunday October 14 2018, @11:49PM (7 children)
I wanted to mod the first paragraph "insightful" but the second paragraph detracted from that, so I tried "underrated" but you hadn't been modded yet, so "touche?"
Anyway, I am particularly bad at remembering names. I once worked with a person for 1.5 years before I learned that person's name (in a rather embarrassing and obvious manner right in front of that person). I liked the person as a work acquaintance -- we spoke often in fact. It's just that I suck at remembering names and have learned it is pretty easy to get by -- look at a person, smile, and say something -- no name needed. The names I do remember, are those of people who are very interesting and that takes intentional practice, but those names I never forget either.
The only people I've met who seem to have a supernatural ability to remember names, are sales types. I hate sales types especially when they say my name every third sentence -- it feels manipulative. It isn't because I'm envious of their name recall ability -- I couldn't give a fuck having forgotten their name approximately 2.5 seconds after they said it -- it just sounds so gross. The only time I ever use a person's name is at the beginning of a conversation when I ask for his or her attention, you know: "Hey Runaway, I want to ask you something ..."
On the other hand, I am not well known as great schmoozer (and I'm fine with that).
(Score: 4, Interesting) by number11 on Monday October 15 2018, @01:30AM (1 child)
Names? Shit, I have some difficulty recognizing faces, it's called "face blind". Not full-blown, not as bad as the artist Chuck Close, who said that he failed to recognize a woman at a party, and a couple of years earlier they'd been lovers and lived together. But enough so people may look vaguely familiar, but I can't be sure who it is or whether I actually know them. For me, it mostly impacts acquaintances, or people I haven't seen in a few years.
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Monday October 15 2018, @07:20AM
It could be that, I've personally got serious issues with recognizing people, but it's not really face blindness, it's that I can't visualize, which means that if I don't see the person in a place that I expect them to be and they look different in any way, then I'm likely not going to recognize them. Even if I do know what they look like, I'd be hard pressed to actually describe them. At best, I could probably manage a miss Swan.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U4EH0RtVlgE [youtube.com]
And that applies to myself if I shave or get a haircut.
(Score: 2, Funny) by Anonymous Coward on Monday October 15 2018, @05:01AM
I worked for 15 years with two older gentlemen, named Doug and Dave. As I'm horrible with names in general, I try to consciously tie people's names to their appearance. However, Doug and Dave both looked quite alike. So for 15 years, I couldn't remember which one was which.
This was resolved when Doug finally retired. Of course, Dave retired two months after that, so my window for getting it right was a short one.
Or maybe it was Dave that retired first. I'm still not sure.
(I went into computers so I wouldn't have to work with people. That plan sure didn't work out.)
(Score: 2, Interesting) by Anonymous Coward on Monday October 15 2018, @06:07AM
8 years, saw the guy at least once a day, repaired various bits of lab equipment for him, sorted out so many computer issues for him (hardware and software) over that time yet I only knew him as 'The Polish Professor' (and we had several Polish professors working with us at that time).
Ah, that's another story, even if I do know someone's name, for some reason I'm loathe to use it. Last place of employ, a colleague noted that I'd only ever called him by his name once in three years.
(Score: 2) by Unixnut on Monday October 15 2018, @08:37AM
I seem to remember being told once, that the trick to committing a persons name to memory is to repeat the name often while talking to the person. This apparently helps your mind associate the name with the face you are communicating with, so that next time you recognise the face, the name is remembered too.
Seeing as the average human mind seems to work a lot on associative memory, there might be truth to this method of remembering.
I presume sales types do it in order to remember your name. It is more for their benefit then an attempt to manipulate you (although I guess there might be an element of that too, but I don't know the sales droid indoctrination procedures)
I guess in their line of work it isn't good if you get your marks name wrong, that may be the thing that kills the deal (and your commission)
(Score: 1, Interesting) by Anonymous Coward on Monday October 15 2018, @10:22AM
I've heard of a call centre that used to run a secret competition amongst its employees - the winner was the one who could say the customer's name the most times during a support call.
(Score: 2) by HiThere on Monday October 15 2018, @05:22PM
Saying the name every third sentence is *why* they can remember your name. It's called reinforcement, and it generally is a technique artificially learned. But it's the same approach used to remember anything. Repeat, repeat, repeat. The person they're most directly trying to manipulate is themselves. (Of course, it's only important because it's also effective in manipulating the person whose name they remember. So it sounds like in your case they're overdoing it, but this varies with the individual.)
Javascript is what you use to allow unknown third parties to run software you have no idea about on your computer.
(Score: 2) by CoolHand on Monday October 15 2018, @12:04PM
With that being said, I'd say who cares, let them buckle up, and deal with life... (and I'm a liberal)
Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job-Douglas Adams
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Monday October 15 2018, @05:31PM
Who the hell is Bill?
(Score: -1, Troll) by Anonymous Coward on Sunday October 14 2018, @10:25PM
If you can't remember whose cock you sucked, you won't get invited to all the best blowjobs. Because let's face facts: jobs are about the blowjobs.
If you think you're getting an education to gain skills and go out into the world to do actual work, you will be unemployed for life. No, you're learning to suck cock so you can get a worthless cocksucking job in a world where all employed people pay each other to suck cock. There aren't any real jobs anywhere at all. There are only cocksucking jobs.
Now, give all your money to Michael David Crawford, King Dickhead of Soggy Blowjobs.
Fuck MDC
(Score: 1, Interesting) by Anonymous Coward on Sunday October 14 2018, @10:28PM (5 children)
Years back, I managed to transfer to another division. Feckless and unappreciative old boss "let me" transfer, in exchange for uploading my state to the loudmouth leech that remained. Damn, did I forget so much stuff! Seems that I could only remember the most general stuff I was doing.
What a great feeling it was to figuratively trash all that state. Forgetting was a wonderful feeling.
(Score: 2) by Kilo110 on Sunday October 14 2018, @11:18PM (1 child)
what do you mean by state?
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Monday October 15 2018, @02:05AM
Information on processes, procedures, users, tricks etc. - it's common jargon in the computer industry.
(Score: 1) by NateMich on Monday October 15 2018, @12:02AM (2 children)
Could you maybe reword all of that in English?
I honestly don't understand what the hell you're saying.
(Score: 3, Interesting) by Anonymous Coward on Monday October 15 2018, @03:04AM (1 child)
I don't speak Jive, but I speak Hacker! Let me try:
"Years back, I managed to transfer to another division. My feckless and unappreciative old boss 'let me' transfer, in exchange for training the extroverted person remaining in my division, who had a superficial understanding of the material at best, in my job responsibilities."
"Damn, did I forget so much stuff! It seems that I can only remember the most general stuff I was doing."
"What a great feeling it was to get away from my old position and let the day-to-day institutional knowledge fade away. Forgetting was a wonderful feeling."
(Score: 1, Informative) by Anonymous Coward on Monday October 15 2018, @06:21AM
I thought he was screwing the extroverted person over by "forgetting" to tell him some of the details.
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Sunday October 14 2018, @10:44PM
When I was in college (not that long ago), they're trying to cram SO MUCH information and tell you to go to SO MANY places with so little sleep inbetween, there would be days where I felt my entire brain was "full" and I simply could not cram any more into it. (Also no surprise that kids take drugs to keep up with the insanity of it all.)
So yeah, forgetting people in COLLEGE is failing to address the high-stress [college environment] variable.
I'm way better at remembering now that I don't have to plan every half-hour of my day with multiple assignments per day, while I run from class to class, study session to study session. It's almost like the human brain isn't meant to cram every day.
(Score: 2) by linkdude64 on Monday October 15 2018, @01:04AM
You mean to say some zillionaire was so desperate to prove to some lady that she did actually mean something to him that he funded an entire study to prove his innocence? Get a life!
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Monday October 15 2018, @02:08AM (2 children)
I don't even bother trying to remember the names of students, eventually I'll learn the important once such as the once that produce interesting work while the rest just fade away into oblivion.
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Monday October 15 2018, @05:39AM
Here's a weird one for you, back when I had to put up with undergrads on a daily basis normally I couldn't tell you the names of most of them, the exceptions being the Tamil and Thai students. I assumed that the relative 'complexity' of their names tripped one of those perverse mental 'interesting but essentiallly useless information' storage switches..I should add that I'm generally useless at languages (can get by in basic French, understand some Italian and German ) though was once told by a Chinese interpreter who was trying to teach someone I worked with at the time basic Cantonese that I had an ear for the subtle intonations of the language.
Moral of the story, if you want me to remember your name, best make it an interesting sounding one.
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Monday October 15 2018, @02:38PM
Obviously not an English teacher, LOL.
(Score: 0, Insightful) by Anonymous Coward on Monday October 15 2018, @04:10AM
thing is that yet one more article promotes butthurtness and provokes unrest and unease in some way...
i see a conspiracy here...
/zug
(Score: 2, Interesting) by TheFool on Monday October 15 2018, @02:34PM (1 child)
Why do you think we apologize in the first place? We innately know it's insulting. We can hear that annoyance in your voice when you tell us your name for the second or third time.
Personally, I've just learned to speak in a way that doesn't use the person's name that often (or at all), even with people I do know. It should be rare to actually need to ask the person their name, omitting it entirely or asking someone else their name will get you by. If you are around the person enough, eventually you'll hear enough other people use the name that it will stick and the problem will resolve itself.
(Score: 2) by hemocyanin on Monday October 15 2018, @02:41PM
This is true the vast majority of the time, but it does sometimes fail. The trick I've learned, is to not give a fuck when it does fail. The stickier problem is when you not only forget someone's name, but forget you ever met them and say something like "Nice to meet you." I still get embarrassed by that one.
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Monday October 15 2018, @05:46PM
I still remember the etiquette advice I got from an business-etiquette "expert" (not sure her credentials) early in my career as a consultant.
"If you forget somebody's name, just politely ask them for a reminder. There's no need to be embarrassed. If anything, they'll be internally thanking you, because they now have an excuse to ask you for a name reminder as well."
You should make your best effort to remember names, but everybody forgets them. No reason to make a fuss.