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posted by martyb on Wednesday February 26 2020, @01:33AM   Printer-friendly
from the a-sucker-born-every-minute dept.

Car & Driver and other outlets report on the latest customization available (for a price) when you order a Porsche, https://www.caranddriver.com/news/a31082234/porsche-911-fingerprint-paint-customized/

Porsche Exclusive Manufaktur will print the design on the hood after the 911's production is completed. The hood is removed, the biometric data [from your fingerprint] is processed so that it can't be used illegally, and then a robot paints on the design. Finally, a clear coat is applied, and the hood is polished with a high-gloss finish.

The photos show the fingerprint enlarged to cover roughly half the area of the front hood.

The Autoextremist (where I saw this first) has his own personal take on just how ridiculous this is, http://www.autoextremist.com/current/2020/2/25/another-egregious-exercise-in-egomaniacal-stupidity-brought.html

Porsche is so proud of this development, that the press release goes on and on and on about it, with this gem from Alexander Fabig, Vice President, Individualization and Classic: “Individuality is very important for Porsche customers. And no design can be more personal than your own fingerprint.”

Somehow this reminds me of the old Johnny Carson bit when he said, “I did not know that.”

[...] I feel a nightmare coming on.

I suppose for the now unfortunately stereotypical buyer of a Porsche – you know, the ones who think they should drive a Porsche but can’t for the life of them really tell you why – this new level of self-aggrandizement will be embraced with a fervor akin to getting the best table at the latest “hot” restaurant of the moment. But for the rest of us it’s just another example of Porsche underpinning its very existence by catering to everything but its heritage.

I pity the first fool – I mean the first Porsche buyer sucked in by this unmitigated bullshit – because by actually appearing in public with their fingerprint on the front of their 911, he or she will instantly shout to the world that they’re The Biggest Tool in the Shed, hands-down.

Other designs will be available using the same custom printing process. Your AC submitter is waiting for the first Porsche sporting the Firebird hood decal*... Vinyl reproductions are readily available on the web (under USD$100) but if you want it painted on at Porsche, note that the fingerprint costs about $8000.

* For a couple of hood pics of actual Pontiac Firebird hood graphics, try http://transamcountry.com/community/index.php?topic=48824.0 (page down)


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  • (Score: 2) by Gaaark on Wednesday February 26 2020, @01:36AM (6 children)

    by Gaaark (41) on Wednesday February 26 2020, @01:36AM (#962639) Journal

    No!

    --
    --- Please remind me if I haven't been civil to you: I'm channeling MDC. ---Gaaark 2.0 ---
    • (Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday February 26 2020, @01:41AM

      by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday February 26 2020, @01:41AM (#962644)

      Firebird Trans-AM decal also known as Screaming Chicken --
          https://www.hagerty.com/articles-videos/articles/2019/02/19/trans-am-screaming-chicken-history [hagerty.com]

    • (Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday February 26 2020, @01:43AM (4 children)

      by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday February 26 2020, @01:43AM (#962648)

      To be a fly in the room during the brainstorm that led to this...

      • (Score: 1) by Ethanol-fueled on Wednesday February 26 2020, @01:56AM (2 children)

        by Ethanol-fueled (2792) on Wednesday February 26 2020, @01:56AM (#962664) Homepage

        Porsches are for the Napoleons of the business world. This fingerprint gimmick caters to that type perfectly, when a little extra vanity is needed in addition to an expensive sports car.

        You won't see Lamborghini or Ferrari pulling this kind of shit.

        • (Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday February 26 2020, @02:08AM (1 child)

          by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday February 26 2020, @02:08AM (#962671)

          It wasn't all that long ago that all Porsche 911s were air cooled, a more powerful version of the VW beetle engine...we called them all wind suckers.

          I tried that on a Porsche owner in the mid-1980s and he wasn't pleased...

          • (Score: 1) by Ethanol-fueled on Wednesday February 26 2020, @02:23AM

            by Ethanol-fueled (2792) on Wednesday February 26 2020, @02:23AM (#962683) Homepage

            Yeah the "wet pony fart" sound of those air-cooled Boxer pancakes is pretty appropriate for old beetles, not at all appropriate for anything that calls itself a "sports car."

      • (Score: 2) by MostCynical on Wednesday February 26 2020, @02:09AM

        by MostCynical (2589) on Wednesday February 26 2020, @02:09AM (#962672) Journal

        "Our service departments report having to clean lots of customers' DNA off the interior and exterior of our vehicles, including fingerprints"

        "Did you say fingerprints?"

        "Well, they are the least icky thing"

        --
        "I guess once you start doubting, there's no end to it." -Batou, Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex
  • (Score: 5, Insightful) by Fluffeh on Wednesday February 26 2020, @01:41AM

    by Fluffeh (954) Subscriber Badge on Wednesday February 26 2020, @01:41AM (#962645) Journal

    This is one of those times where we can fill in all the steps.

    1) Find something different that the competition isn't doing
    2) Offer it as a "Special" service
    3) Mark it up by 500% or more
    4) Profit.

    Can't blame them for squeezing money out of idiots.

  • (Score: 2, Interesting) by Frosty Piss on Wednesday February 26 2020, @01:48AM (4 children)

    by Frosty Piss (4971) on Wednesday February 26 2020, @01:48AM (#962654)

    When I saw this “story”, I thought I had opened Slashdot.

    • (Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday February 26 2020, @01:55AM

      by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday February 26 2020, @01:55AM (#962662)

      Definitely needs a question: what's your fave movie where the villains cut off a body part or try the old fingerprint-on-a-wineglass trick to defeat biosec?

    • (Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday February 26 2020, @03:06AM

      by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday February 26 2020, @03:06AM (#962705)

      > When I saw this “story”, I thought I had opened Slashdot.

      Can you make that into a car analogy?

    • (Score: 1, Touché) by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday February 26 2020, @01:00PM (1 child)

      by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday February 26 2020, @01:00PM (#962808)

      When I saw this “story”, I thought I had opened Slashdot.

      You may not be aware of this, but in the Navigation box at the top left of the site is a selection marked "submit story". If you don't like the stories that are being posted, please feel free to submit something better.

  • (Score: 2) by Snotnose on Wednesday February 26 2020, @01:51AM (5 children)

    by Snotnose (1623) on Wednesday February 26 2020, @01:51AM (#962657)

    If memory serves everyone who worked on the original Mac got their signature embossed in the plastic housing. My company took note, if you search eBay you might find my signature in the plastic housing of, um, an SBA 300? Don't remember.

    Actually, considering my signature nowdays is illegible (I sign my name maybe thrice a year), it would be interesting to see how my sig now compares to my sig 40 years ago. Not interesting enough to search eBay, but still interesting.

    --
    Why shouldn't we judge a book by it's cover? It's got the author, title, and a summary of what the book's about.
    • (Score: 2) by JoeMerchant on Wednesday February 26 2020, @02:28AM (4 children)

      by JoeMerchant (3937) on Wednesday February 26 2020, @02:28AM (#962687)

      considering my signature nowdays is illegible (I sign my name maybe thrice a year)

      My signature was always bad, but it completely tanked when I started having to sign 50+ documents a week for a couple of years.

      As for legacy imprints, I think the year was 1996 or 7 when we got together for a "team photo" and embedded it as an easter egg in the software. I certainly looked different then, even at low resolution.

      --
      🌻🌻 [google.com]
      • (Score: 2) by hendrikboom on Wednesday February 26 2020, @03:16AM (3 children)

        by hendrikboom (1125) Subscriber Badge on Wednesday February 26 2020, @03:16AM (#962708) Homepage Journal

        Signature doesn't need to be legible. It just needs to be distinctive and hard to copy.

        • (Score: 3, Funny) by coolgopher on Wednesday February 26 2020, @04:59AM

          by coolgopher (1157) on Wednesday February 26 2020, @04:59AM (#962726)

          These days mine is very hard to copy. I can't even manage it myself...

        • (Score: 2) by JoeMerchant on Wednesday February 26 2020, @01:16PM

          by JoeMerchant (3937) on Wednesday February 26 2020, @01:16PM (#962814)

          distinctive and hard to copy.

          7+ billion people on the planet, most with access to high resolution digital equipment... I think signature's period of usefulness has expired.

          --
          🌻🌻 [google.com]
        • (Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday February 26 2020, @04:01PM

          by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday February 26 2020, @04:01PM (#962913)

          I had an Anerican cop demand that I point out every letter in a man's signature.

  • (Score: 2) by bzipitidoo on Wednesday February 26 2020, @01:53AM (5 children)

    by bzipitidoo (4388) on Wednesday February 26 2020, @01:53AM (#962660) Journal

    Fingerprints? Pfft! Burn the blockchain info into the engine computer's ROM!

    • (Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday February 26 2020, @01:56AM (2 children)

      by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday February 26 2020, @01:56AM (#962663)

      Pray tell how that (blockchain) is going to impress the opposite sex ...?

      • (Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday February 26 2020, @02:31AM (1 child)

        by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday February 26 2020, @02:31AM (#962689)

        impress the opposite sex

        Does it signal wealth? Doesn't have to prove it, if you're only interested in the less intelligent members of the opposite sex.

        • (Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday February 26 2020, @03:00AM

          by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday February 26 2020, @03:00AM (#962699)

          >> ...blockchain...
          > ...less intelligent members...

          I fail to see any intersection between these two sets...

    • (Score: 2, Funny) by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday February 26 2020, @02:16AM (1 child)

      by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday February 26 2020, @02:16AM (#962677)

      Burn the fingerprints onto the exhaust manifold.

      • (Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday February 26 2020, @03:04AM

        by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday February 26 2020, @03:04AM (#962703)

        How is Porsche going to monetize fingerprints on exhaust manifold? That doesn't cost anything, except some skin.

  • (Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday February 26 2020, @03:19AM

    by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday February 26 2020, @03:19AM (#962710)

    They were big enough to sit on.

  • (Score: 3, Insightful) by PinkyGigglebrain on Wednesday February 26 2020, @04:37AM (6 children)

    by PinkyGigglebrain (4458) on Wednesday February 26 2020, @04:37AM (#962721)

    Remember NOT to use the same finger you use for your phone, computer, banking, DMV, or any other "secure" transaction that you have secured with Biometrics.

    --
    "Beware those who would deny you Knowledge, For in their hearts they dream themselves your Master."
    • (Score: 3, Informative) by vux984 on Wednesday February 26 2020, @04:57AM (4 children)

      by vux984 (5045) on Wednesday February 26 2020, @04:57AM (#962724)

      Per the article they "process" it so it can't be used for biometrics.

      I can't see a lot of people doing this. A few narcissists will do it, but on most cars it'll just lower the resale value when they upgrade. Maybe a movie star or rapper will actually see a positive return, but nobody wants to buy a car with some my or some other rando's fingerprint painted on it.

      • (Score: 2) by mhajicek on Wednesday February 26 2020, @05:32AM (1 child)

        by mhajicek (51) on Wednesday February 26 2020, @05:32AM (#962730)

        To any observer it's not "your fingerprint", it's "a fingerprint". No one will be able to tell them apart by looking. That makes your "unique" car just like the other ones with "a fingerprint" on the hood. Join the bandwagon.

        --
        The spacelike surfaces of time foliations can have a cusp at the surface of discontinuity. - P. Hajicek
        • (Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday February 26 2020, @09:07AM

          by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday February 26 2020, @09:07AM (#962775)

          Let me introduce you to my mechanic.

          He will gladly leave his fingerprints in your car.

          No extra charge either!

      • (Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday February 26 2020, @07:40PM (1 child)

        by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday February 26 2020, @07:40PM (#963038)

        Perhaps that's the point? To lower the resale value so they can encourage people to buy a new car instead buying a second hand market one? But I suppose that discourages people from upgrading as well since they can't sell their old one for as much.

        • (Score: 2) by vux984 on Wednesday February 26 2020, @08:29PM

          by vux984 (5045) on Wednesday February 26 2020, @08:29PM (#963063)

          Perhaps that's the point? To lower the resale value so they can encourage people to buy a new car instead buying a second hand market one?

          I really doubt the people who would pay to have their fingerprint painted on the car are thinking about resale value.

          If the dealers find that (most) fingerprints do in fact just make the car harder to sell, they'll just lower their trade-in offers on them. That'll give them room to negotiate including "fixxing" it without affecting their margins; or offering them for a bit less / whatever.

          I'd personally consider it a defect that makes the car worth less to me, and would likely negotiate they fix (or lower the price enough that i can get fixed elsewhere*) it as part of the sale; same as I'd do for a scratch, dent, or bumper sticker.

    • (Score: 2) by Rivenaleem on Wednesday February 26 2020, @11:02AM

      by Rivenaleem (3400) on Wednesday February 26 2020, @11:02AM (#962792)

      I will be absolutely shocked if none of the first 10 customers to ask for this don't ask if they can't get their knob imprinted.

  • (Score: 2) by Bot on Wednesday February 26 2020, @10:50AM

    by Bot (3902) on Wednesday February 26 2020, @10:50AM (#962790) Journal

    and this wins the prize for the most resale value variation mod ever.

    resale value going up if you are a VIP, actor, sports guy, lambo-signing pope...
    resale value tanking if you are a nobody or disgraced cosby...

    as for distinction, if only there were an UUID code printed on a plate in the front and back of every car...

    --
    Account abandoned.
  • (Score: 2) by Phoenix666 on Wednesday February 26 2020, @02:00PM (2 children)

    by Phoenix666 (552) on Wednesday February 26 2020, @02:00PM (#962828) Journal

    It feels like a stop-gap measure meant to delay the triumph of the electric sports car. Even the guys from the old Top Gear show have come around, haven't they?

    --
    Washington DC delenda est.
    • (Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday February 26 2020, @03:36PM (1 child)

      by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday February 26 2020, @03:36PM (#962894)

      Have you heard the old joke about the difference between a Porsche and a porcupine?

      The porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

      Meanwhile, Porsche has started to hedge their bets with the battery electric sedan/rocket called Taycan, soon to be taking a few Tesla sales away (probably very few, given the high price).

      • (Score: 2) by KilroySmith on Wednesday February 26 2020, @04:30PM

        by KilroySmith (2113) on Wednesday February 26 2020, @04:30PM (#962943)

        >>>soon to be taking a few Tesla sales away
        Nahh, it's not (yet) a zero sum game. There are perhaps 100 million cars sold every year in the world; Tesla sells about 0.4 million. There are a lot of ICE drivers to convert still before EV's start cannibalizing each other. Besides, any Porsche owner that hasn't yet bought a Tesla is a Porsche zealot who ain't gonna buy anything else anyway; so Taycan sales will simply convert those ICE sales to EV sales. Hopefully soon, you'll actually be able to drive the Taycan on a road trip.

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