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posted by takyon on Tuesday June 30 2020, @03:44AM   Printer-friendly
from the Quibi-Quibbles dept.

From The Guardian:

Nearly three months ago, in early April, the $1.75bn content experiment known as Quibi lurched from its rocky, much-maligned promotional campaign into full-scale launch. The service offered a tsunami of celebrity-fronted shows segmented into "quick bites" (hence, "qui-bi") of 10 minutes or less – a Joe Jonas talk show, a documentary on LeBron James's I Promise school, a movie with Game of Thrones's Sophie Turner surviving a plane crash, all straight to your phone. At the time, many of us wondered if Quibi could deliver on its central promise – to refashion the style of streaming into "snackable" bites – or if, teetering under the weight of its massive funding and true who's who of talent as the world shut down, it would become shorthand for an expensive mistake.

The service, the brainchild of the DreamWorks Animation cofounder Jeffrey Katzenberg and the former Hewlett-Packard CEO Meg Whitman – two billionaires deeply entrenched in Hollywood and Silicon Valley establishment – was "either going to be a huge home run or a massive swing and a miss," Michael Goodman, a media analyst with Strategy Analytics, told the Guardian. Given a string of bad news since its 6 April launch – missed targets, executive departures, Katzenberg singularly blaming the pandemic – and the sunset of its 90-day free trial with millions fewer subscribers than anticipated, the scales seemed decidedly tipped toward swing and miss. But while it's too soon to declare the end of Quibi, it's still worth asking: is the promise of the quick bite already over? And what went so wrong?

Previously: Meg Whitman-Run Streaming Service "Quibi" Launches, Reception Mixed

Related: Fox Could Buy Tubi While NBCUniversal Eyes Vudu


Original Submission

Related Stories

Fox Could Buy Tubi While NBCUniversal Eyes Vudu 9 comments

Arthur T Knackerbracket has found the following story:

Fox is reportedly eyeing Tubi. [Editor's Note: Tubi is a streaming service.]

Tubi is available in the US, Canada and Australia on Android and iOS, as well as on devices such as Amazon Echo ShowGoogle Nest Hub MaxRoku and Apple TV. Content is also viewable at www.tubi.tv. The company plans to launch in more areas including the UK and Mexico in the coming year.

[...] As more streaming services such as Disney Plus and Apple TV Plus launch to compete with the likes of Netflix, several companies are also looking to free, ad-supported platforms aimed at customers who might not be willing to dish out more money for an ever-growing list of paid offerings.

Last year, it was reported that Walmart could be thinking of selling Vudu, a service that lets customers rent or purchase individual shows or movies. Vudu also launched a free, ad-supported service in 2016. 

Walmart reportedly purchased Vudu for around $100 million in 2010, and says the service is installed on more than 100 million devices in the US. It's not clear if there will be a deal between NBCUniversal and Vudu, people familiar with the matter told The Journal. A Walmart representative declined to comment, but said the company is "constantly having conversations with partners."


Original Submission

Meg Whitman-Run Streaming Service "Quibi" Launches, Reception Mixed 8 comments

Quibi Picked the Worst Time to Launch a Streaming Service for Short Attention Spans - Or maybe the best? (archive)

For months, Quibi, the phone-based streaming service that launched Monday, has been getting roasted by the small group of people whose professions require them to know about the existence of Quibi. The gist of the jokes has been that Quibi sounds like a 30 Rock fiction come to life. The brainchild of billionaire boomers Jeffrey Katzenberg and Meg Whitman, it's predicated on the idea that no one can pay attention any more, so if anything is going to lure the scattered, cellphone-obsessed youth away from the free and varied YouTube content with which they seem generally satisfied, it's high production values that you can't really see on a cellphone and the imprimatur of celebrities grandparents have heard of. Quibi has gone on a buying spree for every famous person in Hollywood's leftover ideas, which have been turned into "quick bites" of six to 10 minutes apiece. The company has already raised $1.75 billion dollars, on the strength of that idea and a slate that includes a reality show called Murder House Flip.

As someone who has not been above a Quibi joke herself, I am disappointed to report that Quibi is neither a glorious embarrassment nor a surprising triumph. It is, instead, expensively competent. The dozens of star-studded series it debuts with are, in general, solid and professional, and tend toward uplifting but brief documentaries I could totally imagine spacing out to in a waiting room. (The fact that almost no one on the planet Earth is spacing out in a waiting room right now is another Quibi punchline.) The implicit assumption of Quibi is that no one has any time anymore, even, say, for a 22-minute sitcom. And yet it is arriving at a moment when a majority of Americans have more time than they had weeks ago—if also, perhaps, even more shredded attention spans.

Quibi review – shortform sub-Netflix shows aren't long for this world

Founder Jeffrey Katzenberg and CEO Meg Whitman Announce Impending Death of "Quibi" Streaming Service 26 comments

Quibi is dead, reports say

Plagued with growth issues, Quibi, a short-form mobile-native video platform, is shutting down, according to multiple reports. The startup, co-founded by Jeffrey Katzenberg and Meg Whitman, had raised nearly $2 billion in its lifetime as a private company. Quibi did not respond to requests for comment from TechCrunch.

The company's prolific fundraising efforts spanned prominent institutions in private equity, venture capital and Hollywood, all betting on Katzenberg's ability to deliver another hit. The startup's backers included Alibaba, Madrone Capital Partners, Goldman Sachs and JPMorgan, as well as Disney, Sony Pictures, Viacom, WarnerMedia and MGM, among others. The Information reports that Quibi will have $350 million left to return to shareholders.

Their pitch was highly produced bite-sized content, packed with Hollywood star power, and designed to be "mobile-first" entertainment. For the YouTubes and Snaps of the world, producing mainstream content on a shoestring budget, Quibi wanted to be an HBO for smartphones. Investors and pundits questioned the firm's ability to monetize this vision, and it became clear soon after launch that the company had miscalculated.

[...] Admitting that the launch hadn't gone as planned, Katzenberg blamed the coronavirus for the streaming app's challenges.

One problem with finding a buyer: Quibi doesn't even own most of its original "content":

Actually, Quibi doesn't own any of the big-budget premium content for which it has shelled out upwards of $100,000 per minute. The company has seven-year licenses on its short-form series; after two years, content owners have the right to assemble the shows and distribute them elsewhere.

An open letter to the employees, investors, and partners who believed in Quibi and made this business possible —

Also at The Verge, Business Insider, Ars Technica, and MarketWatch.

Previously: Meg Whitman-Run Streaming Service "Quibi" Launches, Reception Mixed
The Fall of Quibi: How Did a Starry $1.75bn Netflix Rival Crash So Fast?

Related: Fox Could Buy Tubi While NBCUniversal Eyes Vudu


Original Submission

Roku Pecks at Quibi's Remains 3 comments

Roku In Talks To Acquire Rights To Quibi's Library – Report

According to the Wall Street Journal, Roku is nearing a deal to buy the content catalog of Quibi, the short-form mobile streaming platform launched by Jeffrey Katzenberg and Meg Whitman that launched in April 2020 before shuttering in December.

The WSJ reports that Roku would acquire the rights to Quibi's content but the specific details and financial terms of the proposed deal haven't been revealed and the deal could still fall through.

Also at The Verge and The Wrap:

Quibi's deals with its content producers were atypical of other platforms, in that the creators owned their stuff. Quibi's deals allowed for the service to feature those shows on its service for seven years. The WSJ, citing people familiar with the discussions, added that some of the contracts stipulate that the content cannot air on other platforms. However, an individual familiar with Roku's stance argued that it would not prevent Roku from being able to stream the content, the report added.

Roku content includes series like Anna Kendrick's "Dummy," "Most Dangerous Game" starring Liam Hemsworth and Christoph Waltz, as well as Antoine Fuqua's "#FreeRayshawn," which scored a pair of Emmy wins.

Maybe Quibi's carcass will spawn an entertaining short-form lawsuit.

Previously: Meg Whitman-Run Streaming Service "Quibi" Launches, Reception Mixed
The Fall of Quibi: How Did a Starry $1.75bn Netflix Rival Crash So Fast?
Founder Jeffrey Katzenberg and CEO Meg Whitman Announce Impending Death of "Quibi" Streaming Service

Related: Roku Media Player Maker Seeking IPO


Original Submission

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  • (Score: 5, Insightful) by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday June 30 2020, @03:58AM (3 children)

    by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday June 30 2020, @03:58AM (#1014372)

    One, I literally didn't know this existed. No one I know has been talking about it, IRL or online.
    Two, that kind of short-form entertainment on your phone exists. It's called Youtube.

    • (Score: 2, Interesting) by takyon on Tuesday June 30 2020, @04:05AM

      by takyon (881) <takyonNO@SPAMsoylentnews.org> on Tuesday June 30 2020, @04:05AM (#1014375) Journal

      It's the boomer train wreck of the Streaming Wars [wikipedia.org].

      --
      [SIG] 10/28/2017: Soylent Upgrade v14 [soylentnews.org]
    • (Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday June 30 2020, @06:21AM

      by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday June 30 2020, @06:21AM (#1014420)

      didn't know this existed

      Yip exactly this

    • (Score: 2) by driverless on Wednesday July 01 2020, @03:23AM

      by driverless (4770) on Wednesday July 01 2020, @03:23AM (#1014866)

      I knew it existed, from a previous Soylent article, but had no idea what the point of it was. So it's a combination of two factors, people who don't know it exists, and people who know it exists but not why it exists.

      Oh, and $1.75B of VCs funding anything ending in dot-com, because just because it failed spectacularly the first time round doesn't mean it won't fail again if we do exactly the same thing twenty years later.

  • (Score: 4, Interesting) by takyon on Tuesday June 30 2020, @04:00AM (7 children)

    by takyon (881) <takyonNO@SPAMsoylentnews.org> on Tuesday June 30 2020, @04:00AM (#1014374) Journal

    Seeing Meg Whitman fail does put a smile on my face. Although there is still more cash to burn.

    You know your entertainment/platform sucks when it fails even during stay-at-home orders. Also, bite-sized celebrity "content" might have worked back when the unholy Quibi was first conceived, but celebrity culture and the rich in general are not in favor right now.

    https://www.nytimes.com/2020/03/30/arts/virus-celebrities.html [nytimes.com]
    https://www.theguardian.com/culture/2020/may/02/theres-a-sense-that-celebrities-are-irrelevant-has-coronavirus-shattered-our-fame-obsession [theguardian.com]
    https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2020/mar/31/the-coronavirus-crisis-has-exposed-the-ugly-truth-about-celebrity-culture-and-capitalism [theguardian.com]
    https://www.fastcompany.com/90503014/covid-19-has-changed-celebrity-culture-and-it-may-never-go-back-to-normal [fastcompany.com]
    https://news.miami.edu/stories/2020/05/covid-19-changes-celebrity-culture.html [miami.edu]

    The technical issues are just the icing on the cake. Millennials will just get their poisoned bites on YouTube, for free.

    --
    [SIG] 10/28/2017: Soylent Upgrade v14 [soylentnews.org]
    • (Score: -1, Troll) by Ethanol-fueled on Tuesday June 30 2020, @04:25AM (2 children)

      by Ethanol-fueled (2792) on Tuesday June 30 2020, @04:25AM (#1014384) Homepage

      " documentary on LeBron James's "

      Ahh, one of the classic American success stories of humble beginnings, hard work, and being a successful family man all thrown out the window so Bron could sell his soul to the Jews and embrace a life of being a Gucci-clad, rhinestone-studded, Hollywood Uncle Tom.

    • (Score: 3, Insightful) by Phoenix666 on Tuesday June 30 2020, @04:29AM (3 children)

      by Phoenix666 (552) on Tuesday June 30 2020, @04:29AM (#1014389) Journal

      Thanks for the links. The first several I read started off panning celebrity culture and how the coronavirus has exposed how shallow and irrelevant it is, only to finish by praising it and predicting it'll be back after the pandemic is over. In other words they start off by pandering to regular people to get them to read their stupid articles, then go right back to pandering to celebrities and the entertainment industry because regular people are...icky. And boring.

      Once upon a time actors and performers were considered very uncouth, very low class and irrelevant. It would do us all good to return to that sort of perspective for a good, long while. Let's have our amazing scientists, engineers, mathematicians, doctors, and adventurers go back to being our heroes like they were in the 50's. Let's have our kids come of age dreaming about how they can get the space elevator built, colonize Mars, and mine the asteroid belt.

      --
      Washington DC delenda est.
      • (Score: 3, Interesting) by takyon on Tuesday June 30 2020, @04:55AM (2 children)

        by takyon (881) <takyonNO@SPAMsoylentnews.org> on Tuesday June 30 2020, @04:55AM (#1014401) Journal

        Predicting that things will go back to normal is probably a safe bet. Never overestimate the public.

        The true decline of (traditional) celebrity culture is more of a generational change, and you don't get that during a single year... except for the fact that many older folks are dying sooner than expected.

        YouTube celebrities, SoundCloud rappers, Twitch body painters, etc. point to a new generation of aggrandized uncouth stars becoming popular. Except they have less of a filter and can connect to audiences directly, gather proportionally smaller but more rabid fanbases. There's also a number of "drama channels" surrounding the internet stars, fulfilling the same role as celeb tabloids or paparazzi.

        On the other hand, you have the idolization of people like Elon Musk, more enthusiasm about space exploration, and some scientists, engineers, mathematicians, doctors, etc. are out there gathering large 1M+ followings on the same social media platforms. They can grow their popularity over time rather than waiting for some gatekeeper to give them a TV show.

        --
        [SIG] 10/28/2017: Soylent Upgrade v14 [soylentnews.org]
        • (Score: 1, Insightful) by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday June 30 2020, @05:26AM (1 child)

          by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday June 30 2020, @05:26AM (#1014407)

          I love your idealism, but then I look at politics. It's a reminder that people can easily be persuaded to believe (and like) whomever and whatever you want them to - it just takes the right sort of marketing.

          I suspect a similar issue for the perceived interest in science and technology types. Many of them do not really seem to be gaining popularity for their work or achievements but, in many cases in spite of such. Instead they're working as either entertainers or political actors who happen to be doing cool things. But because of this I don't see much changing there at all. And even worse, they'll be tossed by the wayside as soon as the masses see the next shiny thing. See: Musk being forced out of White House technological advisory committee because it left him too close to Trump. Probably didn't change much in the grand scheme of things, but it emphasizes how quick the mob can turn on you. If he'd stayed he'd likely have become pariahed. Pariahed for being a major voice in the national direction of science and technology? Yeah, that's social media retardation for you. He's just created an entirely fake, pandering, persona to take advantage of social media like many, if not all, of these people are doing.

          • (Score: 2) by takyon on Tuesday June 30 2020, @12:59PM

            by takyon (881) <takyonNO@SPAMsoylentnews.org> on Tuesday June 30 2020, @12:59PM (#1014471) Journal

            If you think that was optimistic, you don't want to see my pessimistic posts.

            Trump is a walking unusual circumstance, at least for now. Musk leaving the council could be seen as a business decision. Or you could take Musk at his word that he disagreed with Trump over withdrawing from the Paris climate agreement.

            --
            [SIG] 10/28/2017: Soylent Upgrade v14 [soylentnews.org]
  • (Score: 5, Insightful) by Phoenix666 on Tuesday June 30 2020, @04:11AM (2 children)

    by Phoenix666 (552) on Tuesday June 30 2020, @04:11AM (#1014378) Journal

    Where to start with this venture? First, they want to move everybody to short-form entertainment, "quick bites," in a time when Amazon Prime and Netflix have conditioned everyone to expect shows that have major story arcs that they can binge through for hours, commercial free. It's easy to notice that a lot of reality-show offerings that have turned up on Netflix don't stick around long, because they were produced for cable channels that expect viewers to be endlessly channel-surfing to escape the relentless commercial breaks, so they lard so many in-show recaps that almost nothing happens from beginning to end; that's maddening to suffer through when you're on Netflix, expecting real plot development, etc. in the time you've allotted to watching. In other words, it's a format mis-match.

    Second, celebrity culture has been sliding off a cliff for a decade now. There are several reasons. Social media has overexposed the celebrities, such that the mystery and allure have been stripped away. Most of them are really not that smart or interesting, so when regular people pick up on that and wonder why in the hell those people have so much more money than they do anyway, it breeds resentment. Also thanks to social media many of the celebrities have taken to being ultra political and being vocal about it, which might get them pats on the back from their intimates or other celebrities, but winds up alienating a huge portion of their fans among the general public. (It's not necessarily about liberal vs. conservative, either, because now they're trying to cancel people like JK Rowling, FFS) Finally, thanks to platforms like YouTube there are a lot more DIY "celebrities" now who have gotten that way because they have actual skills or marketing acumen. In other words, the secret sauce of building a fan base has become known.

    Consequently, thinking that "quick bites" of content sold by (no longer relevant or awe-inspiring) celebrities is gonna be a hit sounds like a dubious project pushed by groups of people who are completely out of touch with where the culture is now.

    --
    Washington DC delenda est.
    • (Score: 2) by takyon on Tuesday June 30 2020, @04:25AM

      by takyon (881) <takyonNO@SPAMsoylentnews.org> on Tuesday June 30 2020, @04:25AM (#1014383) Journal

      It's easy to notice that a lot of reality-show offerings that have turned up on Netflix don't stick around long, because they were produced for cable channels that expect viewers to be endlessly channel-surfing to escape the relentless commercial breaks, so they lard so many in-show recaps that almost nothing happens from beginning to end; that's maddening to suffer through when you're on Netflix, expecting real plot development, etc. in the time you've allotted to watching. In other words, it's a format mis-match.

      They have a purpose: background noise. You just turn on Bob Ross, Gordon Ramsay, or Floor Is Lava when you don't care what's on. Netflix is producing some reality TV content now (and why not since it's cheap) and can alter the format as needed.

      Consequently, thinking that "quick bites" of content sold by (no longer relevant or awe-inspiring) celebrities is gonna be a hit sounds like a dubious project pushed by groups of people who are completely out of touch with where the culture is now.

      YouTube crushed Quibi without it or anyone noticing. Even YouTube's paid service (20 million paying subscribers?) is crushing Quibi.

      --
      [SIG] 10/28/2017: Soylent Upgrade v14 [soylentnews.org]
    • (Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday June 30 2020, @05:02PM

      by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday June 30 2020, @05:02PM (#1014574)

      Just another reason why the Jews are trying to get more control over the internet. It's a threat to their entertainment and propaganda monopolies.

  • (Score: 3, Insightful) by drussell on Tuesday June 30 2020, @04:26AM (2 children)

    by drussell (2678) on Tuesday June 30 2020, @04:26AM (#1014385) Journal

    ... made me go wait, what?!

    That makes no sense....

    That whole idea seems somewhere between stupid and insane....

    It seems so obvious that there is no way that could ever work, but whatever....

    • (Score: 3, Interesting) by c0lo on Tuesday June 30 2020, @06:09AM (1 child)

      by c0lo (156) Subscriber Badge on Tuesday June 30 2020, @06:09AM (#1014416) Journal

      I was thinking the same about Tweeter.

      Like, what kind of content can fit those 220 characters and be of any relevance? I mean, one can't provide a context, or nuance the message, or support an assertion with arguments or facts.

      Of course I was entirely wrong, most of people don't want it that way because that would require them... oh, the horror... to think.

      --
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aoFiw2jMy-0 https://soylentnews.org/~MichaelDavidCrawford
  • (Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday June 30 2020, @04:27AM (2 children)

    by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday June 30 2020, @04:27AM (#1014387)

    Who??? Never heard of either of 'em.

    Chinese Tik Tok seems to have cornered the 10 minute stream market.

    • (Score: 2) by drussell on Tuesday June 30 2020, @04:42AM

      by drussell (2678) on Tuesday June 30 2020, @04:42AM (#1014397) Journal

      No idea either, so I probably don't care. :)

      If it were Weezer, his name would probably actually be Wepeel, not Jonas...

    • (Score: 4, Interesting) by c0lo on Tuesday June 30 2020, @06:12AM

      by c0lo (156) Subscriber Badge on Tuesday June 30 2020, @06:12AM (#1014417) Journal

      Chinese Tik Tok seems to have cornered the 10 minute stream market.

      On TikTok, 10 minutes is an epic saga. If you go over 1 minute, you're a loser.

      "the 10 minute stream" is describing YouTube better.

      --
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aoFiw2jMy-0 https://soylentnews.org/~MichaelDavidCrawford
  • (Score: 2) by stretch611 on Tuesday June 30 2020, @05:52AM

    by stretch611 (6199) on Tuesday June 30 2020, @05:52AM (#1014414)

    This had no chance of success...

    You have founders that consider their contribution to be worth billions... after all, in their mind they have billions now and think they are worth it and will not work for less.

    You have talent that thinks that they are worth millions.

    The pandemic probably gave them a better chance then they would have had at any other time... People want things to do when they are all stuck at home.

    However, the people really need jobs... they are not willing to start a new subscription service when their finances are uncertain. Plus they have plenty of other things to compete with... OTA(Antenna) tv, cable tv, facebook, internet surfing, youtube and countless other competitors, even steam and computer games.

    Plus all the high end talent desires high end pay... I can not see this service being cheap while providing much content at the same time.

    --
    Now with 5 covid vaccine shots/boosters altering my DNA :P
  • (Score: 3, Interesting) by aristarchus on Tuesday June 30 2020, @07:28AM (4 children)

    by aristarchus (2645) on Tuesday June 30 2020, @07:28AM (#1014426) Journal

    Homer took his time. No 20 sec.vignettes. Infact, he ranged over an entire epic, only starting with:

    ἄνδρα μοι ἔννεπε, μοῦσα, πολύτροπον, ὃς μάλα πολλὰ
    πλάγχθη, ἐπεὶ Τροίης ἱερὸν πτολίεθρον ἔπερσεν:
    πολλῶν δ᾽ ἀνθρώπων ἴδεν ἄστεα καὶ νόον ἔγνω,
    πολλὰ δ᾽ ὅ γ᾽ ἐν πόντῳ πάθεν ἄλγεα ὃν κατὰ θυμόν,
    5ἀρνύμενος ἥν τε ψυχὴν καὶ νόστον ἑταίρων.
    ἀλλ᾽ οὐδ᾽ ὣς ἑτάρους ἐρρύσατο, ἱέμενός περ:
    αὐτῶν γὰρ σφετέρῃσιν ἀτασθαλίῃσιν ὄλοντο,
    νήπιοι, οἳ κατὰ βοῦς Ὑπερίονος Ἠελίοιο
    ἤσθιον: αὐτὰρ ὁ τοῖσιν ἀφείλετο νόστιμον ἦμαρ.
    τῶν ἁμόθεν γε, θεά, θύγατερ Διός, εἰπὲ καὶ ἡμῖν.

    You see, Homer is setting us up for the long haul, the story of this πολύτροπον man, and you cannot wait to find out what he does, right? This is not YouTuber, but a real man, with a real story, if only you have the patience to listen to it!

    And the other one:

    μῆνιν ἄειδε θεὰ Πηληϊάδεω Ἀχιλῆος
    οὐλομένην, ἣ μυρί᾽ Ἀχαιοῖς ἄλγε᾽ ἔθηκε,
    πολλὰς δ᾽ ἰφθίμους ψυχὰς Ἄϊδι προΐαψεν
    ἡρώων, αὐτοὺς δὲ ἑλώρια τεῦχε κύνεσσιν
    5οἰωνοῖσί τε πᾶσι, Διὸς δ᾽ ἐτελείετο βουλή,
    ἐξ οὗ δὴ τὰ πρῶτα διαστήτην ἐρίσαντε
    Ἀτρεΐδης τε ἄναξ ἀνδρῶν καὶ δῖος Ἀχιλλεύς.
    τίς τ᾽ ἄρ σφωε θεῶν ἔριδι ξυνέηκε μάχεσθαι;
    Λητοῦς καὶ Διὸς υἱός: ὃ γὰρ βασιλῆϊ χολωθεὶς
    10νοῦσον ἀνὰ στρατὸν ὄρσε κακήν, ὀλέκοντο δὲ λαοί,
    οὕνεκα τὸν Χρύσην ἠτίμασεν ἀρητῆρα
    Ἀτρεΐδης: ὃ γὰρ ἦλθε θοὰς ἐπὶ νῆας Ἀχαιῶν
    λυσόμενός τε θύγατρα φέρων τ᾽ ἀπερείσι᾽ ἄποινα,
    στέμματ᾽ ἔχων ἐν χερσὶν ἑκηβόλου Ἀπόλλωνος
    15χρυσέῳ ἀνὰ σκήπτρῳ, καὶ λίσσετο πάντας Ἀχαιούς,
    Ἀτρεΐδα δὲ μάλιστα δύω, κοσμήτορε λαῶν:
    Ἀτρεΐδαι τε καὶ ἄλλοι ἐϋκνήμιδες Ἀχαιοί,
    ὑμῖν μὲν θεοὶ δοῖεν Ὀλύμπια δώματ᾽ ἔχοντες
    ἐκπέρσαι Πριάμοιο πόλιν, εὖ δ᾽ οἴκαδ᾽ ἱκέσθαι:
    20παῖδα δ᾽ ἐμοὶ λύσαιτε φίλην, τὰ δ᾽ ἄποινα δέχεσθαι,
    ἁζόμενοι Διὸς υἱὸν ἑκηβόλον Ἀπόλλωνα.

    Told ya, video games are all derivative, and all the best stories are Greek. Did I ever tell you about Oedipus? Great story! Family drama better than Kardashians, I promise!

    "Sing to me, Goddess, of the anger of TMB, at having to pay taxes, he does not think he should."

    See? Not the same ring to it, and definitely not material for a Netflix series. "Breaking Sad", that might work.

    • (Score: 2) by maxwell demon on Tuesday June 30 2020, @11:22AM (2 children)

      by maxwell demon (1608) on Tuesday June 30 2020, @11:22AM (#1014447) Journal

      "Sing to me, Goddess, of the anger of TMB, at having to pay taxes, he does not think he should."

      See? Not the same ring to it

      Well, it's just that you suck at writing it.

      Sing to me, Goddess, of him who is known quite well on this platform
      under the name The Mighty Buzzard, who's angry at taxes
      which he's required to pay but he thinks that requirement's unjust.

      See? Sounds much better now.

      --
      The Tao of math: The numbers you can count are not the real numbers.
      • (Score: 4, Touché) by aristarchus on Tuesday June 30 2020, @08:51PM (1 child)

        by aristarchus (2645) on Tuesday June 30 2020, @08:51PM (#1014695) Journal

        But, does it scan? Iambic, or dactylic hexameter?

        • (Score: 2) by maxwell demon on Wednesday July 01 2020, @07:21AM

          by maxwell demon (1608) on Wednesday July 01 2020, @07:21AM (#1014898) Journal

          It is intended to be a dactylic hexameter. But since English is not my native language and especially English pronunciation isn't my strong point, I cannot guarantee it actually is.

          --
          The Tao of math: The numbers you can count are not the real numbers.
    • (Score: 1, Funny) by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday June 30 2020, @06:52PM

      by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday June 30 2020, @06:52PM (#1014639)

      There one was a mighty buzzard
      Who got his feathers quite ruffled
      Over the taxes those liberal bastards
      Levied upon his income

  • (Score: 2, Insightful) by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday June 30 2020, @01:14PM (1 child)

    by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday June 30 2020, @01:14PM (#1014477)

    Mean this seriously. Some companies succeed in spite of their name, but going Quibi is pushing it too far. It's just a really really bad name. It's a word that can be spelled a million different ways (kwiby, quibe, quibee, etc), doesn't sound nice, doesn't roll off the tongue, looks stupid, and relies on certain english specific phonomes meaning all of this gets even worse internationally. And the idea sucked. It's like YouTube, except with 0.00000001% of the selection, and you pay for it. Yay..?

    Just emphasizes how *incredibly* out of touch Hollyweird is with society at large. That or they're doing way too many drugs. That or they're doing way too many drags and are *incredibly* out of touch with society.

    • (Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday June 30 2020, @05:04PM

      by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday June 30 2020, @05:04PM (#1014575)

      Yes, this proves just how fucking stupid they are. You don't have to be "in touch" to have a basic level of common sense. Stupid fucking suited whores who think they are smart because they sucked their way into millions. No, you just a much bigger whore than we are.

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