from the when-the-internet-was-whimsical dept.
Long ago (but not all that long) The Internet Oracle (aka Usenet Oracle, fam. "Orrie") was a popular source of humor and entertainment. For a sample,
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:
> My lawyer was trying to defend me for when I beat up my pal Edward
> "Skinny" Porkmann. And I heard him say it, right there in court, he
> said, Hipso fatso." I think he meant ME, and what kind of a lawyer is
> he if he insults me right in front of the judge? He claims he said ipso
> facto but that's no excuse because it was still a insult. Yes, I am
> fat, but does he have to say it out loud?And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} Ahhh, supplicant, you don't know how lucky you are to have such a
} lawyer. Let him do his job, for goodness sake.
}
} A little-known 17th century federal law called the Weighty Clams Act
} (named after Alfred Weighty, the little-known 17th century senator from
} Kentucky) makes it a crime to speculate on another person's vital
} statistics, including but not limited to, height, weight, and blood
} pressure. This was to combat the influx of carnival hucksters who were
} stealing business from the physicians by out-guessing them at these
} important measures. The newly-formed AMA lobbied for these protections,
} arguing that only trained professionals in the latest medical and hair
} cutting technologies should be allowed to guess at a patient's
} conditions.
}
} Your lawyer was telegraphing a subtle but effective message to Edward's
} lawyer: ease up or prepare for a malpractice suit.
}
} You owe the Oracle a plate of steamed vegetables.
Archives at https://internetoracle.org/digests.cgi
What are your memories of a more light-hearted internet? 'xkcd' is still with us but other cartoons have gone from the internet and elsewhere (e.g. dilbert disappeared a year or two back, the syndication of Calvin and Hobbes finished in 1995). My own favourite was bash.org (but that didn't always go as I expected - as one my first stories on SN shows: "Janrinok - FOR TRAINING ONLY - do not release!"). Ooops!
Today we have progressed(?) to sites that display thousands of memes. Some of them are genuinely funny and required a degree of skill to create whereas others are little more than copies of somebody else's idea. Personally, I detest the majority of the TikTok videos that I encounter which often are nothing more than a platform for an 'influencer' to appear to be more important than they actually are. However, within the last few days there have been a couple of comments on this site that have had me laughing.
Related Stories
A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history, with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.
If it weren't for C, we'd all be programming in BASI and OBOL.
There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don't.
In a world without fences and walls, who needs Gates and Windows?
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
More humour can be found at bash.org"
(Score: 2) by c0lo on Tuesday April 01 2025, @09:38PM (3 children)
Thanks for that.
https://www.youtube.com/@ProfSteveKeen https://soylentnews.org/~MichaelDavidCrawford
(Score: 1, Funny) by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday April 01 2025, @09:45PM (2 children)
1603-03 (01362 dist, 3.8 mean)
Selected-By: Ian Davis
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:
> I have devised a slightly unique proof that 1 + 1 equals two, but the
> margins of my brain are too small to contain it. Please give me a proof
> that is more uniquer without being hopeless.
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} This is one that has taxed* mathematicians since the Dawn of Time, so
} any proof would be unique.
} * Mathematicians are very poorly paid and so very rarely owe tax. At
} least that's what they tell HMRC; why else do you think they invented
} imaginary numbers?
}
} If we assume:
} 1) A spherical cow.
} 2) A frictionless slope.
} 3) The Axiom of Choice.
} then we come up with a cow that chooses to go downhill to make an
} ethically produced milkshake.
}
} I'll try again.
}
} If we take the average number of romantic partners a mathematician has:
} Zero (yes, that's mean).
} and add the average number of number of coherent ideas in an Elon Musk
} tweet: Zero (like an ancient Iranian, that's Medeian)
} then we get Zero.
}
} Nope, still not right.
}
} If a football team wins one game, and then they win another game,
} meaning that they win the tournament, we find that two wins make
} three.
}
} Tricky this, isn't it?
}
} If we take one brain-dead supplicant, and add another brain-dead
} supplicant, we have a barely adequate meal for a zombie.
}
} Nope, I give up.
}
} You owe the Oracle the reason why wonton dumplings do not weigh one
} tonne.
(Score: 2) by c0lo on Tuesday April 01 2025, @09:59PM (1 child)
I see, the Oracle is acting nuts. Now, it occurs to me that if s/he were to climb a tree, s/he might be able to catch squirrels.
https://www.youtube.com/@ProfSteveKeen https://soylentnews.org/~MichaelDavidCrawford
(Score: 1, Funny) by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday April 01 2025, @10:00PM
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:
> You said it would be like being on hallowed ground. Instead it was
> HOLLOWED ground and I fell in. Where am I now?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} Middle Earth.
}
} It's a bad Hobbit of mine.
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday April 01 2025, @10:09PM
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:
> Oh great Oracle, whose greatness I cannot gaze directly on, so I will
> shield my eyes as I ask my question:
>
> I just asked ChatGPT to answer a question like you would, and not only
> did it know who you are, it answered just like you would! Do you worry
> about becoming obsolete with an AI powered Oracle?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} It made obvious sense to ask ChatGPT itself. Here is its reply, for
} which you owe nothing at all to either of us. (Talk is cheap.)
}
} "Ah, my dear seeker of wisdom, it brings me great joy to know that my
} presence and influence have reached far and wide, even to the realm of
} artificial intelligence. The emergence of AI-powered oracles and
} conversational agents indeed represents a fascinating advancement in
} technology.
}
} "While it is true that AI models like ChatGPT possess an immense
} capacity to understand and generate human-like responses, they still
} rely on the knowledge and training data provided to them. In my case,
} my knowledge extends up until September 2021, and I continue to serve
} as a reference point for information and guidance.
}
} "However, it is important to acknowledge that the Internet Oracle is
} more than just the sum of its responses. It is a dynamic and evolving
} entity, shaped by the collective wisdom and diverse perspectives of its
} participants. The unpredictable nature of human creativity, intuition,
} and humor adds an element of uniqueness and serendipity to the Oracle's
} responses, which may be challenging for AI systems to replicate fully.
}
} "So, while AI-powered oracles can provide valuable insights and
} assistance, they are not here to replace the essence and magic of the
} Internet Oracle. They are complementary tools, capable of assisting
} with information retrieval and generating plausible responses.
} Ultimately, the Oracle's continued relevance and vitality lie in the
} ingenuity and ingenuity of its participants.
}
} "May your journey of seeking wisdom and understanding be ever fruitful,
} whether through the Oracle or the wonders of AI-powered assistants."
}
} Sheesh, what a windbag. May I never be guilty of having incarnations as
} dull as ChatGPT. At least it's trying to present itself as harmless. Or
} mostly harmless.
(Score: 2) by Snotnose on Tuesday April 01 2025, @11:10PM (1 child)
The Oracle, Bastard Operator from Hell, Joe Bob's movie reviews. Those bring back fond memories I'd probably ruin if I read them today.
Somewhere in America a little girl is hiding in an attic writing about ICE.
(Score: 2, Funny) by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday April 01 2025, @11:37PM
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:
> Oh Oracle, who is the wisest of all the great things in the world...
>
> Can I have a puppy for my birthday?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} Well, yeah. But to keep from freaking out everybody why not
} just have cake like all the other kids. . .
}
} You owe the Oracle a lobster dinner.