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Aziz Ansari & Eric Klinenberg have a story in Nautilus, She'll Text Me, She'll Text Me Not, which looks into the modern-technology challenges of making romantic contact.
Modern romance is stressful—especially when it comes to texting, which is on course to be the new norm for asking someone out. In 2010 only 10 percent of young adults used texts to ask someone out for the first time, compared with 32 percent in 2013. And so, more and more of us find ourselves sitting alone, staring at our phone's screen with a whole range of emotions. But in a strange way, we are all doing it together, and we should take solace in the fact that no one has a clue what's going on. So, I decided to look into it myself, but I knew that bozo comedian Aziz Ansari probably couldn't tackle the topic on my own, and so I teamed up with New York University sociologist Eric Klinenberg. We designed a massive research project during 2013 and 2014, which involved conducting focus groups and interviews with people worldwide, and also interviewing eminent researchers who have dedicated their careers to studying modern romance. We learned a lot about finding love today, including what to do once you fire off a text or receive one.
One area where there was a lot of debate was the amount of time one should wait to text back. Several people subscribed to the notion of doubling the response time. (They write back in five minutes, you wait 10, etc.) This way you achieve the upper hand and constantly seem busier and less available than your counterpart. Others thought waiting just a few minutes was enough to prove you had something important in your life besides your phone. Some thought you should double, but occasionally throw in a quick response to not seem so regimented (nothing too long, though!). Some people swore by waiting 1.25 times longer. Others argued they found three minutes to be just right. There were also those who were so fed up with the games that they thought receiving timely responses free of games was refreshing and showed confidence.
What technique(s) have you tried and how did they work out for you?
(Score: 3, Insightful) by lentilla on Saturday February 13 2016, @10:59AM
I rather like the idea of delaying the reply by doubling the time. This encourages us to have an actual conversation - which one would assume is the whole point of having a relationship, no?
People that get themselves embroiled in "SMS dating" are living in a fantasy world of their own concoction. They are building novels around a one-liner reading thus: "lol :-)". What they should be doing is picking up the phone, pressing "dial" and saying "hey babe, see you in fifteen minutes".
Relationships where people won't make time to spend with each other, refuse to pick up the telephone, spend "together time" immersed in social media, or play games by delaying responses are not the kind of people I'd want to be in a relationship with. So on that note, since it's Valentine's Day this weekend: if any of you out there are intending to ask someone out... have the balls to do it to their face and not via text message. Happy hunting!
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Saturday February 13 2016, @11:14AM
lol :-)
(Score: 1) by anubi on Saturday February 13 2016, @11:30AM
Maybe glad I am old enough now that it does not make that much difference to me if I have a girlfriend or not. Never did get married. Came close a couple of times, but I guess I am kinda picky. Ornery too. Probably best I not get mixed up in this.
I hate all this phone stuff. I'd much rather be taking a walk or picnic somewhere than messing with the phone. Nor do I like social venues like nightclubs, bars, coffee shops, whatever. Noisy places. Usually have some musician in there making so much racket my ears will be ringing for weeks. Way too many distractions.
I'd rather be alone with her watching the grass grow. Driving aimlessly through the desert just seeing all the rock formations. Or through the forest to see the trees and animals. Following a brook.
Sorry, the high falutin' high-tech nightlife is not for me. I am way too simple minded for it.
I seem happiest in the middle of nowhere in my van, tending my plants and animals, or designing and laying out circuit board.
"Prove all things; hold fast that which is good." [KJV: I Thessalonians 5:21]
(Score: 1) by Demose on Saturday February 13 2016, @11:48AM
Will this increase social mingling or just leave people lonely? Cost of life is pretty high here in the states which means working long hours just to get buy. When you've just worked a 16 hour day the only thing you have energy for is texting.