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Aziz Ansari & Eric Klinenberg have a story in Nautilus, She'll Text Me, She'll Text Me Not, which looks into the modern-technology challenges of making romantic contact.
Modern romance is stressful—especially when it comes to texting, which is on course to be the new norm for asking someone out. In 2010 only 10 percent of young adults used texts to ask someone out for the first time, compared with 32 percent in 2013. And so, more and more of us find ourselves sitting alone, staring at our phone's screen with a whole range of emotions. But in a strange way, we are all doing it together, and we should take solace in the fact that no one has a clue what's going on. So, I decided to look into it myself, but I knew that bozo comedian Aziz Ansari probably couldn't tackle the topic on my own, and so I teamed up with New York University sociologist Eric Klinenberg. We designed a massive research project during 2013 and 2014, which involved conducting focus groups and interviews with people worldwide, and also interviewing eminent researchers who have dedicated their careers to studying modern romance. We learned a lot about finding love today, including what to do once you fire off a text or receive one.
One area where there was a lot of debate was the amount of time one should wait to text back. Several people subscribed to the notion of doubling the response time. (They write back in five minutes, you wait 10, etc.) This way you achieve the upper hand and constantly seem busier and less available than your counterpart. Others thought waiting just a few minutes was enough to prove you had something important in your life besides your phone. Some thought you should double, but occasionally throw in a quick response to not seem so regimented (nothing too long, though!). Some people swore by waiting 1.25 times longer. Others argued they found three minutes to be just right. There were also those who were so fed up with the games that they thought receiving timely responses free of games was refreshing and showed confidence.
What technique(s) have you tried and how did they work out for you?
(Score: 2) by darkfeline on Saturday February 13 2016, @11:47AM
Romance and love are overrated. They're almost entirely the product of chance and circumstance. The suspension bridge effect, getting to know the other person on a deeper lever, science has had quite a bit of love figured out; you can quite reliably manufacture love, as it were.
Now, back on topic, digital love. Well, as long as you're hitting the right psychological buttons, it's the same thing. Overthinking the time between your partner's SMS responses is the same as overthinking the time between your partner's visits, back when transportation was a significant barrier. Maybe the other person is busy with other things? Maybe they don't love you? Maybe they're playing hard to get? It's a game for a fool. A love-sick fool, that is.
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(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Saturday February 13 2016, @11:51AM
SMS delay? Download Tinder today.
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Saturday February 13 2016, @04:27PM
Romance and love are overrated.
Yes, romance is overrated. This desire to be loved and "romance" was manufactured so that people would wait for the "right one" before committing. Therefore people look for the right one and do not settle for what comes along. Most times the one that comes along is the right one. Waiting for the right one is a failing battle, which is designed to let you down.
All this was forced into people's minds so they would keep searching for the impossible and not get anything accomplished. That is the goal of those who set us up for failure. We're the happy mice being experimented on, tortured endlessly and disemboweled.
(Score: 2, Interesting) by Francis on Saturday February 13 2016, @08:02PM
Sort of. Previous to the invention of romance, the, "right one" was whomever your parents assigned you to and before that it was basically whichever woman you could keep away from the other men long enough to mate with.
There's degrees. Courting can be rather fun, but it's also a lot of work and most women are not worth the effort.
(Score: 1) by Francis on Saturday February 13 2016, @05:11PM
No they're not random. Assuming you're not dealing with the picky princess type both love and romance are 100% about what you do and do not do. And really both of you.
What I've found personally is that most of the women I go out with are hopelessly stuck up in this area of their lives. They're awesome women, which is why I ask them out, but as romantic partners they're lazy and entitled. Hopelessly fixated on getting Prince Charming or Mr. Right and being completely unwilling to engage in any compromise or hold up their end of things.
Love is the inevitable consequences of investing your very real time and energy into the welfare of somebody else. Hence why women are the ones that initiate most of the divorces, I doubt very much that the ones that are initiating the divorces are really putting much into their marriages. In many cases they can't even be bothered to bring up the topic until they're on their way out the door at which point the poor guy is already at a huge disadvantage as she's already gotten an attorney and is getting legal advice on how to take him for everything he's worth.
(Score: 2) by darkfeline on Sunday February 14 2016, @12:47AM
Right. Two people don't just fall in love. It's an invested mutual relationship. "Love" and "romance", as they're often used, just serves to hook two people up, which I say to be overrated in the sense that popular media and society tend to depict as "finding the right one".
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(Score: 2) by kurenai.tsubasa on Saturday February 13 2016, @09:21PM
Now, back on topic, digital love.
I love that track! [youtube.com]