The problem I see with "valuing family" is that it causes people to defend and support dysfunction. There is nothing that makes your family members (particularly your extended family) more special than any random person on the street. Just look at random people: there's lots of them that have serious problems: they're assholes, sociopaths, liars, etc. These are normal human conditions. For instance, somewhere between 1 and 10 percent of the general population is sociopathic to some degree (estimates vary and there's a lot of debate about how high it is). Sociopaths aren't all in one family line; random people are just born that way. So the likelihood that someone in your clan is sociopathic is no different than for the population at large. But when some random coworker acts poorly, you don't coddle him or support him; instead, you stop acting nice to him, you try to avoid him. The problem with "valuing family" is that when a family member is a compulsive liar or abusive or sociopathic or whatever, the other family members will do anything they can to defend and support this person, even when it means screwing over some other (non-family) person in the process. In a nutshell, "valuing family" simply breeds dysfunction. It's better to treat family members no better than any other random, unrelated person. If some cousin is a great friend, wonderful. But if your uncle or nephew is an asshole, you shouldn't do any more for him than some random asshole you meet on the street. Sharing genetics is not a reason to give people special favors.
Can't disagree. I've found that one can place these things in order of thickness: water, blood, assigned sexual role.
It's a nice thought I'm sure is deeply embedded in mammalian instincts, family. Alongside your sentiment, I've observed that the idea of a fact that's to be kept in the family probably more often than not implies either child/spousal abuse or other criminal activities.
One thing I wish I could tell my younger self is that she was utterly deluded to think that the words "I love you" meant anything other than: "We own your body as property; and the only reason for your existence is to go out into the world, accumulate wealth, and use that wealth to provide us with grandchildren."
I would assume for most people, though, that the idea of family is somewhat more positive even for its flaws.
Alongside your sentiment, I've observed that the idea of a fact that's to be kept in the family probably more often than not implies either child/spousal abuse or other criminal activities.
The Mafia is really big on "family". I think that's a prime example of supporting dysfunction.
(Score: 2) by Grishnakh on Monday April 14 2014, @01:17PM
The problem I see with "valuing family" is that it causes people to defend and support dysfunction. There is nothing that makes your family members (particularly your extended family) more special than any random person on the street. Just look at random people: there's lots of them that have serious problems: they're assholes, sociopaths, liars, etc. These are normal human conditions. For instance, somewhere between 1 and 10 percent of the general population is sociopathic to some degree (estimates vary and there's a lot of debate about how high it is). Sociopaths aren't all in one family line; random people are just born that way. So the likelihood that someone in your clan is sociopathic is no different than for the population at large. But when some random coworker acts poorly, you don't coddle him or support him; instead, you stop acting nice to him, you try to avoid him. The problem with "valuing family" is that when a family member is a compulsive liar or abusive or sociopathic or whatever, the other family members will do anything they can to defend and support this person, even when it means screwing over some other (non-family) person in the process. In a nutshell, "valuing family" simply breeds dysfunction. It's better to treat family members no better than any other random, unrelated person. If some cousin is a great friend, wonderful. But if your uncle or nephew is an asshole, you shouldn't do any more for him than some random asshole you meet on the street. Sharing genetics is not a reason to give people special favors.
(Score: 1) by velex on Tuesday April 15 2014, @01:11AM
Can't disagree. I've found that one can place these things in order of thickness: water, blood, assigned sexual role.
It's a nice thought I'm sure is deeply embedded in mammalian instincts, family. Alongside your sentiment, I've observed that the idea of a fact that's to be kept in the family probably more often than not implies either child/spousal abuse or other criminal activities.
One thing I wish I could tell my younger self is that she was utterly deluded to think that the words "I love you" meant anything other than: "We own your body as property; and the only reason for your existence is to go out into the world, accumulate wealth, and use that wealth to provide us with grandchildren."
I would assume for most people, though, that the idea of family is somewhat more positive even for its flaws.
(Score: 2) by Grishnakh on Tuesday April 15 2014, @12:17PM
Alongside your sentiment, I've observed that the idea of a fact that's to be kept in the family probably more often than not implies either child/spousal abuse or other criminal activities.
The Mafia is really big on "family". I think that's a prime example of supporting dysfunction.