Goop HQ is obsessed with wearable stickers that rebalance energy. NASA and a former NASA scientist are here to bring them back to Earth:
Gwyneth Paltrow's lifestyle and wellness website really may have stuck their foot in it this time. [...] It all kicked off when an article appeared on Goop promoting stickers. These aren't just run-of-the-mill stickers though. These are Body Vibes stickers that "promote healing.""Body Vibes stickers (made with the same conductive carbon material NASA uses to line space suits so they can monitor an astronaut's vitals during wear) come pre-programmed to an ideal frequency, allowing them to target imbalances."[...] But wires must have been crossed somewhere as NASA have now come out to say that they "do not have any conductive carbon material lining the spacesuits." In fact, their spacesuits are made out of synthetic materials and spandex, they explained to Gizmodo.Body Vibes' stickers were reportedly created as a result of top secret research, but Mark Shelhamer, former chief scientist at NASA's human research division, wasn't particularly impressed by this. "Wow," he told Gizmodo. "What a load of BS this is."
Gwyneth Paltrow's lifestyle and wellness website really may have stuck their foot in it this time. [...] It all kicked off when an article appeared on Goop promoting stickers. These aren't just run-of-the-mill stickers though. These are Body Vibes stickers that "promote healing."
"Body Vibes stickers (made with the same conductive carbon material NASA uses to line space suits so they can monitor an astronaut's vitals during wear) come pre-programmed to an ideal frequency, allowing them to target imbalances."
[...] But wires must have been crossed somewhere as NASA have now come out to say that they "do not have any conductive carbon material lining the spacesuits." In fact, their spacesuits are made out of synthetic materials and spandex, they explained to Gizmodo.
Body Vibes' stickers were reportedly created as a result of top secret research, but Mark Shelhamer, former chief scientist at NASA's human research division, wasn't particularly impressed by this. "Wow," he told Gizmodo. "What a load of BS this is."
Also at Vanity Fair. Here's some background reading on Gwyneth Paltrow and Goop. Paltrow was recently named CEO:
Last Monday, the actress turned life-style entrepreneur Gwyneth Paltrow summoned a small group of employees to her bright Santa Monica office. Goop, the weekly newsletter she founded nine years ago, has grown into an e-commerce empire, and she wanted to discuss the online marketing plan for the company's latest enterprise: pills. In 2014, sales of dietary supplements in the United States reached $36.7 billion, so it makes sense that Goop would expand its stock of wellness wares (Ayurvedic ashwagandha powder; a vaginal-muscle-toning egg made of jade) to include vitamins.[...] Last year, Goop raised fifteen million dollars in venture capital and moved its headquarters from New York to Los Angeles, in the process losing its C.E.O., Lisa Gersh, the former C.E.O. of Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia.
Last Monday, the actress turned life-style entrepreneur Gwyneth Paltrow summoned a small group of employees to her bright Santa Monica office. Goop, the weekly newsletter she founded nine years ago, has grown into an e-commerce empire, and she wanted to discuss the online marketing plan for the company's latest enterprise: pills. In 2014, sales of dietary supplements in the United States reached $36.7 billion, so it makes sense that Goop would expand its stock of wellness wares (Ayurvedic ashwagandha powder; a vaginal-muscle-toning egg made of jade) to include vitamins.
[...] Last year, Goop raised fifteen million dollars in venture capital and moved its headquarters from New York to Los Angeles, in the process losing its C.E.O., Lisa Gersh, the former C.E.O. of Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia.
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I thought NASA was basically forbidden now from pointing out scientific fact that conflicts with shitty TV celebrities' worldviews.
Only if that shitty celebrity is a member of the Master Race, identifiable by orange skin, bad hair, and a bank account full of stolen money.
So which of those doesn't Gwyneth Paltrow have? :P
I was going to say "stolen money" but then I realized nobody would ever voluntarily watch "Shakespeare in Love."
(just kidding you tall, wafer thin, delicate beauty (from her IMDB bio))
(P.P.S actually pretty difficult to find a really crappy Paltrow movie to use in this joke)
So someone claims some stickers "come pre-programmed to an ideal frequency" and we're arguing over whether they used the same base material in a space suit or not?
I think we've missed the point.
Not really, NASA is a space agency and they're concerned with the use of their name as a sort of endorsement for the product. The FDA and possibly FTC are the ones that would be concerned with that detail.
The FDA and possibly FTC are the ones that would be concerned with that detail.
Also the FCC unless the resonant frequency is lucky enough to fall under FCC chapter 18 ISM regulations
Or maybe Chapter 47 unintentional radiators
Based on the description of the stickers they might resonate around the high UHF wireless mic band the whole service lost its Chpt 47 authorization about ten years ago when the 700 MHz band of TV channels was sold off.
I looked thru Gwyneth's wikipedia article and the best title I can find from her films and songs that relates to this topic is her album appearance in "Just My Imagination" Unfortunately the FCC does not appreciate that style of reasoning in any discussions with it/them.
Duh, it doesn't vibrate/generate anything as mundane as radio waves. These'll be quantum-consciousness waves or some other bullshit.
Just wait until we start seeing the claims to cure cancer, cleanse "toxins," and connect you to a higher consciousness by using Unruh waves.
Who has a tougher job saying technobabble with a straight face, Geordi Laforge or Gwyneth's lawyers?
Geordi was a trained actor; Lawyers like money. Will be interesting to see how they compare.
Nope, sorry. Unfortunately, in the US, you can sell any kind of bullshit you want as a "medical device" or for "healing" as long as you put some disclaimer that says "these statements not evaluated by the FDA" or similar. You can claim whatever you want: your product will heal cancer, make you regenerate your missing leg, etc. It doesn't matter if it's total bullshit; the government won't lift a finger to protect consumers from fraud.
Otherwise, homeopathy treatments would not be sold.
This goes back to a giant lobbying push a bunch of years ago for deregulation, made by the supplement pill manufacturers.Mel Gibson (a whore who will do anything for money, apparently) made a commercial for them. [google.com]I seem to recall Ted Danson (John Becker MD) making one too.
Eventually, somebody figured out that you could produce a bar of completely inert stuff, [google.com] make a commercial for it that made no medical claims, and suckers would buy it by the millions.
-- OriginalOwner_ [soylentnews.org]
No, they've gone for the claim that can be easily and conclusively proven false.
Well, you can totally put a cell antenna or RFID tags into a sticker so it isn't total nonsense. Just mostly, probably, and dont-invest-your-money-ly levels of stupid.
Seeing how It's just a decorative adhesive bandage, It's fair to say it does promote wellness.
Also, 0Mhz is, indeed, the ideal frequency for its operations.
Additionally, I have it on good authority that when spacemen get a boo boo, they don't cry but slap an (non-brand specific & EVA tested) band-aid on it like good boys since about the 1960s Mercury missions. And those employ adhesives that contain carbon.
The stickers FAILED the single provable claim they made.
None of the other claims make any sense what so ever, and are therefore neither provable nor unprovable.
They make no medical claims, they are not harmful, there are no provable lies in the advertising EXCEPT this claim about the material. The product was perfectly engineered to avoid any any legal culpability until they made that "same conductive carbon material NASA uses" claim.
The fact that its all mumbo-jumbo new age babble doesn't enter into it, other than proving Gwyneth is in serious need of a bitchslap from her mother.
Using "NASA" and "spacesuits" to hawk your wares is crossing the line.
Not that anybody ever doubted what side of the line GOOP was on, but this is concrete and prosecutable.
I can hear the discussion at NASA: "We're going to get our funding slashed again and people are selling new-age-hippie-snake-oil-sex-toy crap with our name on it - if we don't do something about it, there's a conservative senator or thirty out there who can get us shut down altogether for being associated with such things... do something about it, NOW!"
This story is useless without a .webm or .gif of Gwyneth demonstrating this intriguing sounding jade egg. Somehow that's more inspirational than the rest of the story.
Her career sank around the turn of the century and I assumed she was yet another dead heroin victim, but good for her, for remaining alive. She doesn't look bad for her age compared to your average "people of walmart" 500 pound hottie. I still want to see the egg demonstration video anyway. Can't lose, either it'll be a good one or it'll be a new shock video sensation.
come pre-programmed to an ideal frequency
They never consult with an EE to find something that actually works, which is a pity as its not all that hard to do correctly. Supposedly there is a 1970s era CQ or 73 or CQ-VHF or something magazine (not the old fogey ARRL magazines) where some (drunk) field day amateur radio operators resonated an aluminum trash can in the ham radio 2M band and used a then probably new and exotic 100 watt solid state linear to cook a hot dog mounted in the resonant cavity. My dad who was a ham operator was friends with one of the article authors. When I hear liberal arts people talk about resonance and frequencies and quartz and other shit they don't understand, I am always disappointed by expecting something cool like an actual working hot dog zapper. Although that jade egg is inspirational. "Hey baby, I hear you got a jade egg, how about you come up to my place and resonate it a bit, I got a grid dip oscillator and a broken network analyzer and a spectrum analyzer and a bunch of war surplus YiG oscillators, I'm hoping it resonates at microwave K band down there and isn't some stretched out S band" EEs have some pretty smooth pickup lines for the ladies, the women of SN are likely swooning into a dead faint right now.
Come to think of it, a "phallic shaped object zapper" might sell well with that jade egg product of hers. I figure if the blue pill doesn't work then five watts at 146.52 FM modulation isn't enough to burn and would at least excite the nerve endings a bit. Being all into resonance and frequencies and shit I'm sure Gwyneth is a real bro and uses her ham radio license to check into the 75 meter sideband net every night, I'm sure she'll be fascinated by my new product suggestion.
No seriously, not true, I would never use 75 meter sideband, even I have standards. The rest of it is all true, however.
See!I pause to think "Is this really a good SN story?"
Then VLM comes along and MAKES it a good SN story without even having to mention NASA.
This is the shit that keeps me coming back for more and more and more, yeah baby!
safe word is jade-egg
I wondered what you are talking about and looked for jade egg. Gonna delete my browser history now. Here is a quote from her website:
The word for our womb, yoni, translates as “sacred place”, and it is a sacred place—it’s where many women access their intuition, their power, and their wisdom.
Isn't saying "women think from their vagina" criminal or something?
>> it’s where many women access their intuition, their power, and their wisdom
... "so we'd really like you to stick an expensive dumb piece of hard rock in there. And if you do, you will have proven the point."MY ironometer exploded. again.
Speaking of dumb hard things, guys have been fairly successful at talking their way in there for a very long time, so the real oddity is a woman like Gwynneth talking her way into another womans... Dammit not another side-topic that's useless without a .webm or .gif...
This is like the best SN story, ever, for side topics.
Didn't the God Emperor himself say something about grabbing them by their intuition, power, and wisdom? It kind of changes the news media narrative about that story, when it's read in Gwyneth's voice. Truly the God Emperor's prophet, Gwyneth is.
So THAT's why he won. Trump had access to male intuition, power and wisdom, and he grabbed the female intuition, power and wisdom too! Hillary had access to female intuition, power and wisdom but her access to male intuition, power and wisdom was sucked up by so many others. It all makes sense!
Still sounds more likely and realistic than the "russkies hacked our votes"
Once the Russian thing fizzles out your idea may be on to something.
Thank you St Gwyneth of the Jade Egg and Prophet of the God Emperor.
Only if you were assigned the male gender at birth. In which case it's probably some form of rape or something.
If you're a womyn-born-womyn however, it's profound insight to say that. Don't you read many things written by feminists? If not, you should. There's a lot of crap like that. Just don't be confused as many are and assume that feminism somehow has anything to do with any letters in LGBT except the L. I still don't know how anybody ever got that impression.
But yes. Womyn-born-womyn think with the body part between their legs, and they're proud of it. The implications are astounding.
Their spouses head? Now I'm getting confused.
I was telling myself to get my mind out of the gutter since it can't possibly be what it sounded like to me, but then I googled it myself...
From *ahem* previous research, pink eggs seem like much more fun :)
People with GOOP for brains cannot appreciate or understand science. (e.g. The Orange POTUS)They will, however, understand a lawsuit.
Because First amendment, Orrin Hatch, and Alternate-facts Presidency...
Unless you lie to shareholders or prosecutors, any kind of BS you can come up with to sell is now fair game.Old-school advertisers are even jealous they were born too early. Sure, they could bang any skirt in the office, but they never expected the fine practice of manipulation to lose to outright blatant lies.
Perhaps they can make it into a hair jel for the orange one.
She is a jewess. What were you expecting her to do? Make an honest living?
This is only an indication of what jews do. They sell wares that are substandard and expensive, while claiming that their wares are the best and are the cheapest. Nothing has changed about the jew.
Remember that jews invented "abstract art" and other crap because they can't do the real thing. Stickers and vaginal eggs are jewish inventions and are designed to grab money from unsuspecting victims.
I was just reading about the theory of relativity. Maybe you should reject that too, and turn off your GPS forever.
As an antisemite, he has already turned off all tracking devices.
As an anti-semite, probably is up there with VLM: six, yeah, six jade eggs in! And going for seven! Please, VLM, no video, for the love of God.