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posted by cmn32480 on Monday June 26 2017, @03:19PM   Printer-friendly
from the apparently-it-DOES-take-a-rocket-scientist dept.

Goop HQ is obsessed with wearable stickers that rebalance energy. NASA and a former NASA scientist are here to bring them back to Earth:

Gwyneth Paltrow's lifestyle and wellness website really may have stuck their foot in it this time. [...] It all kicked off when an article appeared on Goop promoting stickers. These aren't just run-of-the-mill stickers though. These are Body Vibes stickers that "promote healing."

"Body Vibes stickers (made with the same conductive carbon material NASA uses to line space suits so they can monitor an astronaut's vitals during wear) come pre-programmed to an ideal frequency, allowing them to target imbalances."

[...] But wires must have been crossed somewhere as NASA have now come out to say that they "do not have any conductive carbon material lining the spacesuits." In fact, their spacesuits are made out of synthetic materials and spandex, they explained to Gizmodo.

Body Vibes' stickers were reportedly created as a result of top secret research, but Mark Shelhamer, former chief scientist at NASA's human research division, wasn't particularly impressed by this. "Wow," he told Gizmodo. "What a load of BS this is."

Also at Vanity Fair. Here's some background reading on Gwyneth Paltrow and Goop. Paltrow was recently named CEO:

Last Monday, the actress turned life-style entrepreneur Gwyneth Paltrow summoned a small group of employees to her bright Santa Monica office. Goop, the weekly newsletter she founded nine years ago, has grown into an e-commerce empire, and she wanted to discuss the online marketing plan for the company's latest enterprise: pills. In 2014, sales of dietary supplements in the United States reached $36.7 billion, so it makes sense that Goop would expand its stock of wellness wares (Ayurvedic ashwagandha powder; a vaginal-muscle-toning egg made of jade) to include vitamins.

[...] Last year, Goop raised fifteen million dollars in venture capital and moved its headquarters from New York to Los Angeles, in the process losing its C.E.O., Lisa Gersh, the former C.E.O. of Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia.


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  • (Score: 5, Funny) by VLM on Monday June 26 2017, @03:45PM (10 children)

    by VLM (445) Subscriber Badge on Monday June 26 2017, @03:45PM (#531359)

    This story is useless without a .webm or .gif of Gwyneth demonstrating this intriguing sounding jade egg. Somehow that's more inspirational than the rest of the story.

    Her career sank around the turn of the century and I assumed she was yet another dead heroin victim, but good for her, for remaining alive. She doesn't look bad for her age compared to your average "people of walmart" 500 pound hottie. I still want to see the egg demonstration video anyway. Can't lose, either it'll be a good one or it'll be a new shock video sensation.

    come pre-programmed to an ideal frequency

    They never consult with an EE to find something that actually works, which is a pity as its not all that hard to do correctly. Supposedly there is a 1970s era CQ or 73 or CQ-VHF or something magazine (not the old fogey ARRL magazines) where some (drunk) field day amateur radio operators resonated an aluminum trash can in the ham radio 2M band and used a then probably new and exotic 100 watt solid state linear to cook a hot dog mounted in the resonant cavity. My dad who was a ham operator was friends with one of the article authors. When I hear liberal arts people talk about resonance and frequencies and quartz and other shit they don't understand, I am always disappointed by expecting something cool like an actual working hot dog zapper. Although that jade egg is inspirational. "Hey baby, I hear you got a jade egg, how about you come up to my place and resonate it a bit, I got a grid dip oscillator and a broken network analyzer and a spectrum analyzer and a bunch of war surplus YiG oscillators, I'm hoping it resonates at microwave K band down there and isn't some stretched out S band" EEs have some pretty smooth pickup lines for the ladies, the women of SN are likely swooning into a dead faint right now.

    Come to think of it, a "phallic shaped object zapper" might sell well with that jade egg product of hers. I figure if the blue pill doesn't work then five watts at 146.52 FM modulation isn't enough to burn and would at least excite the nerve endings a bit. Being all into resonance and frequencies and shit I'm sure Gwyneth is a real bro and uses her ham radio license to check into the 75 meter sideband net every night, I'm sure she'll be fascinated by my new product suggestion.

    No seriously, not true, I would never use 75 meter sideband, even I have standards. The rest of it is all true, however.

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  • (Score: 3, Funny) by Gaaark on Monday June 26 2017, @04:04PM

    by Gaaark (41) Subscriber Badge on Monday June 26 2017, @04:04PM (#531365) Homepage Journal

    See!
    I pause to think "Is this really a good SN story?"

    Then VLM comes along and MAKES it a good SN story without even having to mention NASA.

    This is the shit that keeps me coming back for more and more and more, yeah baby!

    safe word is jade-egg

    --
    --- That's not flying: that's... falling... with more luck than I have. ---
  • (Score: 3, Funny) by cubancigar11 on Monday June 26 2017, @04:57PM (8 children)

    by cubancigar11 (330) on Monday June 26 2017, @04:57PM (#531398) Homepage Journal

    I wondered what you are talking about and looked for jade egg. Gonna delete my browser history now. Here is a quote from her website:

    The word for our womb, yoni, translates as “sacred place”, and it is a sacred place—it’s where many women access their intuition, their power, and their wisdom.

    Isn't saying "women think from their vagina" criminal or something?

    • (Score: 4, Funny) by bob_super on Monday June 26 2017, @05:03PM (1 child)

      by bob_super (1357) on Monday June 26 2017, @05:03PM (#531405)

      >> it’s where many women access their intuition, their power, and their wisdom

      ... "so we'd really like you to stick an expensive dumb piece of hard rock in there. And if you do, you will have proven the point."
      MY ironometer exploded. again.

      • (Score: 2) by VLM on Monday June 26 2017, @05:11PM

        by VLM (445) Subscriber Badge on Monday June 26 2017, @05:11PM (#531409)

        Speaking of dumb hard things, guys have been fairly successful at talking their way in there for a very long time, so the real oddity is a woman like Gwynneth talking her way into another womans... Dammit not another side-topic that's useless without a .webm or .gif...

        This is like the best SN story, ever, for side topics.

    • (Score: 2) by VLM on Monday June 26 2017, @05:17PM (2 children)

      by VLM (445) Subscriber Badge on Monday June 26 2017, @05:17PM (#531412)

      Didn't the God Emperor himself say something about grabbing them by their intuition, power, and wisdom? It kind of changes the news media narrative about that story, when it's read in Gwyneth's voice. Truly the God Emperor's prophet, Gwyneth is.

      • (Score: 4, Funny) by cubancigar11 on Tuesday June 27 2017, @04:07AM (1 child)

        by cubancigar11 (330) on Tuesday June 27 2017, @04:07AM (#531746) Homepage Journal

        So THAT's why he won. Trump had access to male intuition, power and wisdom, and he grabbed the female intuition, power and wisdom too! Hillary had access to female intuition, power and wisdom but her access to male intuition, power and wisdom was sucked up by so many others. It all makes sense!

        • (Score: 2) by VLM on Tuesday June 27 2017, @03:26PM

          by VLM (445) Subscriber Badge on Tuesday June 27 2017, @03:26PM (#531944)

          Still sounds more likely and realistic than the "russkies hacked our votes"

          Once the Russian thing fizzles out your idea may be on to something.

          Thank you St Gwyneth of the Jade Egg and Prophet of the God Emperor.

    • (Score: 2, Informative) by kurenai.tsubasa on Monday June 26 2017, @05:21PM (1 child)

      by kurenai.tsubasa (5227) on Monday June 26 2017, @05:21PM (#531416) Journal

      Isn't saying "women think from their vagina" criminal or something?

      Only if you were assigned the male gender at birth. In which case it's probably some form of rape or something.

      If you're a womyn-born-womyn however, it's profound insight to say that. Don't you read many things written by feminists? If not, you should. There's a lot of crap like that. Just don't be confused as many are and assume that feminism somehow has anything to do with any letters in LGBT except the L. I still don't know how anybody ever got that impression.

      But yes. Womyn-born-womyn think with the body part between their legs, and they're proud of it. The implications are astounding.

      • (Score: 2) by VLM on Monday June 26 2017, @05:38PM

        by VLM (445) Subscriber Badge on Monday June 26 2017, @05:38PM (#531424)

        Their spouses head? Now I'm getting confused.

    • (Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Monday June 26 2017, @10:54PM

      by Anonymous Coward on Monday June 26 2017, @10:54PM (#531613)

      I was telling myself to get my mind out of the gutter since it can't possibly be what it sounded like to me, but then I googled it myself...

      From *ahem* previous research, pink eggs seem like much more fun :)