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The Secrets of a Hit Summer Song

posted by martyb on Sunday July 09 2017, @06:58PM   Printer-friendly
from the bam!-bam!-I'm-a-lamb! dept.

cafebabe writes:

On a slow news day, the BBC "reports" some rules about a summer hit tune. In summary:

  1. It has to be simple.
  2. It should make you feel like you're on holiday.
  3. Novelty is everything.
  4. Radio-friendly songs make bigger hits.
  5. It should be released before the summer.
  6. But it should have the word "summer" in the title.

If simplicity and novelty are the most important then this summer's hit could be Beep! Beep! I'm A Sheep!

Original Submission

 
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  • (Score: 1, Informative) by Anonymous Coward on Sunday July 09 2017, @07:39PM (17 children)

    by Anonymous Coward on Sunday July 09 2017, @07:39PM (#536890)

    1. Don't sing, just talk like a pissed-off moron.
    2. Don't play an instrument, use a Mattel toy drum track.
    3. Say "Yo" "Ho" and "Motherfucker" a lot.
    4. Don't dance, just stand in one place and wave your hands around like a spastic doing ASL.

    Presto! You area hip-hop "artist"!

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  • (Score: 1, Interesting) by Anonymous Coward on Sunday July 09 2017, @08:37PM

    by Anonymous Coward on Sunday July 09 2017, @08:37PM (#536917)

    You mean like this?

    Fuck the world that curses my birthday
    Sunday night studio I'm letting the words play
    Drop the track on Monday might not see me by Thursday
    Cause this the type of facts that wanna wrap up the worst way

    Shout out to my G's in prison not snitching
    What got me flipping a few wrongly convicted
    That's the system I hope you take heed and you listen
    Ain't no longer black and white naw this time is diffrent
    It's about rich and poor the rich is getting richer
    We gotta pass the YOLO stage and see the bigger picture
    For centuries we getting raped by the politicians
    And let materialism destroy the fucking mission

    Yeah my vision's clear yeah it's crystal clear
    When they killed my nigga Chris society didn't care
    War on terror they're all me over there
    But the hungry's terror we got problems right here

    Fuck the world that curses my birthday
    Sunday night studio I'm letting the words play
    Drop the track on Monday might not see me by Thursday
    Cause this the type of facts that wanna wrap up the worst way

    I bet this shit don't get no radio air play
    I bet this shit don't get no radio air play
    I bet this track don't get no radio air play
    But fuck it I'm good long I say what I gotta say

    America is really full of fucking problems
    Probably get a gun before you could get a job
    In the fast pace world son they keep us jogging
    The lawyers to the prisons make the profits where we robbing
    Homeless veterans roam the street fuck happens
    Or is it me am I tripping am I whiling
    Does it seem they recruit confuse them
    Throw them in the wars for profit use them

    Yeah my vision's clear yeah it's crystal clear
    We can't afford no college Obama doesn't care
    Three hundred Bens to be who you wanna be
    Cause a bachelors degree is just a GED

    Fuck the world that curses my birthday
    Sunday night studio I'm letting the words play
    Drop the track on Monday might not see me by Thursday
    Cause this the type of facts that wanna wrap up the worst way

    I bet this shit don't get no radio air play
    I bet this shit don't get no radio air play
    I bet this track don't get no radio air play
    But fuck it I'm good long I say what I gotta say

    https://www.reverbnation.com/joecalico/song/17276297-no-radio-airplay [reverbnation.com]

  • (Score: 2, Funny) by Lagg on Sunday July 09 2017, @09:05PM (4 children)

    by Lagg (105) on Sunday July 09 2017, @09:05PM (#536924) Homepage Journal

    The +1 informative on this made me think of a couple of skinny fuckers in a starbucks carefully analyzing rap stating "why yes, this is a rap, would use for masturbation timing. 2/10" in the most offensive loser comic book guy voice I could mimic at the time.

    People's ideas of what hiphop is are still embarrassingly [youtube.com] white bread and underexposed [youtube.com]. Which is great because failing to acknowledge its place in culture sure makes murika great again hm?

    --
    http://lagg.me [lagg.me] 🗿

  • (Score: 2) by Thexalon on Sunday July 09 2017, @10:32PM (1 child)

    by Thexalon (636) Subscriber Badge on Sunday July 09 2017, @10:32PM (#536950)

    Except you can't use actual profanity and expect to get radio airplay. As Monty Python demonstrated with this classic:

    I'll bet you they won't play this song on the radio.
    I'll bet you they won't play this new *BLEEP* song.
    It's not that it's *BLEEP* or *BLEEP* controversial,
    It's just that the *BLEEP*ing words are awfully strong.

    You can't say *BLEEP* on the radio.
    Or *BLEEP* or *BLEEP* or *BLEEP*
    You can't even say "I'd like to *BLEEP* you someday"
    Unless you're a doctor with a very large *BLEEP*.

    So I bet you they won't play this song on the radio.
    I bet you they won't *BLEEP*ing well program it.
    I'll bet you they're *BLEEP*ing all program directors
    Who think it's a load of horse *BLEEP*.

    --
    The only thing that stops a bad guy with a compiler is a good guy with a compiler.

    • (Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Sunday July 09 2017, @10:39PM

      by Anonymous Coward on Sunday July 09 2017, @10:39PM (#536955)

      You just need a radio edit, and you can sing it live too, like last year when The Weeknd sang about his "motherfucking starboy" status at a Victoria’s Secret fashion show.

      https://youtu.be/vuT_bXzhqhY [youtu.be]

  • (Score: 3, Interesting) by n1 on Sunday July 09 2017, @10:39PM (7 children)

    by n1 (993) on Sunday July 09 2017, @10:39PM (#536954) Journal

    That may well be how you become a 'rap star' but a 'hip-hop artist' is quite different. Hip-Hop is not defined by those who have the 'lil' prefix in their stage name.

    Examples of hip-hop artists: Aesop Rock, RTJ, Cunninlynguists, Freestyle Fellowship, Pete Philly, Blitz the Ambassador, Akala, Living Legends, Big KRIT, Mayday, Lupe Fiasco, Kendrick Lamar, Chali 2na and the list could go on.

    Hilltop Hoods have now made two albums with the Adelaide Symphony Orchestra and the Adelaide Chamber Singers Choir. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Hy6WEv_nOM [youtube.com]

    I had no idea dancing during a performance talent was a criteria for being an artist in music. Does your musical taste start and end at Lady Gaga and Beyonce type pop acts?

    Finally, your 'talk like a pissed off moron' is quite outdated for the current 'rap star' trends, now you just have to sound completely disinterested and mumble unintelligibly.

    • (Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Sunday July 09 2017, @11:13PM (4 children)

      by Anonymous Coward on Sunday July 09 2017, @11:13PM (#536964)

      I'll just leave this here...

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PTLvRvbqJs8 [youtube.com]

      • (Score: 2) by n1 on Monday July 10 2017, @12:36AM (3 children)

        by n1 (993) on Monday July 10 2017, @12:36AM (#536983) Journal

        I'm assuming the point you're making is that... Throughout history artists pioneering or adapting culturally and socially significant forms of musical and artistic expression, have almost always been derided and dismissed as talentless hacks by proponents of the more established and traditional art of the day.

        • (Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Monday July 10 2017, @12:45AM (2 children)

          by Anonymous Coward on Monday July 10 2017, @12:45AM (#536985)

          Street criminals grabbing their crotches while they complain about their own self-inflicted situations is art?

          • (Score: 2, Troll) by n1 on Monday July 10 2017, @02:26AM (1 child)

            by n1 (993) on Monday July 10 2017, @02:26AM (#537007) Journal

            I'm sure you're trolling but anyway...

            One of my homeboys did a ten straight in the box in yard
            Now what’s he doing? Passin’ his doctorate
            Don’t tell me that it’s too hard!

            Akala - Fire in the booth [youtube.com]

            Besides I ain't rapping about dope nor did I sell it
            I guess the story of a country boy just ain't compelling

            Big K.R.I.T - Dreamin' [youtube.com]

            This war veteran knows what a hard time is
            He needs his pension, dementia and half blind is
            The reason he rides the train with no car license
            So he boards with an expired ticket has a swipe
            Gets a fine 'cause the change he got don't add up right
            We're talking about a man who never lived a lavish life

            Hilltop Hoods - Stopping All Stations [youtube.com]

            Escaping my selfish ways
            With my brain spread on a page
            So I put my soul in a song
            So it may linger on

            Shogun - Vulcan [youtube.com]

            The most impressionable minds get molested and informed by manipulating forces
            Don't fret little man, don't cry
            They can never take the energy inside you were born with
            Knowing that, understand you could never be poor
            You already won the war, you were born rich
            You can only take the energy you had going back to the realm or the home where your lord is
            Whoever whatever that lord is couldn't give a fuck if you ever made fortunes

            [...]How you raise a whole human single parent, no marriages no sense of heritage
            Planned Parenthood helping plan miscarriages
            But I'm lucky mommy already had a narrative
            Product of a teenage love, my arrogance to rise from the pride and the job my parents did
            Named Mike I was told it was godlike
            Even danced with the devil, came out alright

            Run The Jewels - A Christmas Fucking Miracle [youtube.com]

            They had a rally for police brutality up at the park
            But when we killing ourselves don’t nobody want to march
            We got to start to take a look in the mirror
            If we don’t respect ourselves then they always gone fear us
            If black lives matter then black lives matter
            And the color of the killer shouldn’t even be a factor

            Murs - No More Control [youtube.com]

            We brag on having bread, but none of us are bakers
            We all talk having greens, but none of us own acres
            If none of us own acres, and none of us grow wheat
            Then who will feed our people when our people need to eat
            So it seems our people starve from lack of understanding
            Cause all we seem to give them is some balling and some dancing
            And some talking about our car and imaginary mansions
            We should be indicted for bullshit we inciting
            Hand the children death and pretend that it's exciting

            Killer Mike - Reagan [youtube.com]

            I am curious though, in this troll persona, do you have the same disdain for folk songs that talk about the self-inflicted struggles of their chosen occupations in mining and farming? After all they could have taken personal responsibility for their situation and sought to improve it rather than writing songs bitching about it.

            • (Score: 3, Funny) by Magic Oddball on Monday July 10 2017, @06:42AM

              by Magic Oddball (3847) on Monday July 10 2017, @06:42AM (#537050) Journal

              Don't forget, though, that hip-hop wasn't always insightful social criticism — if you go back to the early days, the performers more often just aimed to be entertaining:

              Ever went over a friend's house to eat and the food just ain't no good?
              I mean the macaroni's soggy, the peas are mushed,
              And the chicken tastes like wood!
              So you try to play it off like you think you can
              By saying that you're full
              And then your friend says, "Mama, he's just being polite
              He ain't finished, uh-uh, that's bull!"
              So your heart starts pumping and you think of a lie
              And you say that you already ate
              And your friend says "Man, there's plenty of food!"
              So you pile some more on your plate
              While the stinky food's steaming, your mind starts to dreaming
              Of the moment that it's time to leave
              And then you look at your plate and your chicken's slowly rotting
              Into something that looks like cheese.
              So you say "That's it, I gotta leave this place
              I don't care what these people think,
              I'm just sitting here making myself nauseous
              With this ugly food that stinks!"
              So you bust out the door while it's still closed
              Still sick from the food you ate
              And then you run to the store for quick relief
              From a bottle of Kaopectate.

              (From 1979's Rapper's Delight [wikipedia.org])

    • (Score: 2) by t-3 on Monday July 10 2017, @10:49PM (1 child)

      by t-3 (4907) on Monday July 10 2017, @10:49PM (#537364) Journal

      The part you're missing is that "hip-hop" is culturally irrelevant outside New York, and rap is where it's at. Even the "lil's" have deep social commentary and the sound is just killing that played out wack east coast BS. From the beginning, gangsta rap has been shining a light into society's dark corners; see Spice 1 - Welcome to the Ghetto and many others, Scarface and to a lesser extent the Geto Boys, 8-Ball & MJG, especially check out 8-Ball's solo CD Lost, Dayton Family - What's on Your Mind? is a great example, UGK ("it aint like they make high levels gainable, and that quote piece of american pie just aint attainable, so how can I sustain a full life before death? I'm left out here to make it by my goddamn self"), Tupac's whole career, Lil Boosie, if you dig deep into Future and Gucci's stuff you'll find diamonds in there along with the bangers, Kanye's early output, IMO his recent stuff is lazier lyrically, Jeezy, Lil Durk, even Kodak Black if you can understand his accent, etc etc I could go on all day.

      • (Score: 2) by n1 on Tuesday July 11 2017, @09:56PM

        by n1 (993) on Tuesday July 11 2017, @09:56PM (#537813) Journal

        I don't disagree with anything you said. I used the distinction between 'hip-hop' and 'rap stars' to illustrate a point, for people with no exposure to anything outside the typical 'club banger' rap hits from Rick Ross and the like, it wasn't a dismissal of rap in general. I'm a big fan of Freddie Gibbs, as an example.

  • (Score: -1, Offtopic) by Anonymous Coward on Monday July 10 2017, @03:44PM

    by Anonymous Coward on Monday July 10 2017, @03:44PM (#537145)

    1. Don't sing, just talk like a pissed-off moron.

    Ah, Trump impression.