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posted by martyb on Friday December 01 2017, @06:15PM   Printer-friendly
from the strange-olympics dept.

Finally, the invention I wanted all my life has come to pass:

"A British company has released the first pictures of a 'smart condom' which collects very intimate data about the sex life of anyone brave enough to wear it.

The device is called the i.Con and can detect STIs as well as sending data about a sex session straight to the wearer's smartphone.

British Condoms said its 'revolutionary wearable tech for the bedroom' measures the number of calories burned during intercourse, the speed of a man's thrusts, how long he lasts and even what positions are used.

The condom firm said its invention would help men see how they 'stack up to other people from around the world'."

[...] The smart condom is a small band which fits around the bottom of a man's willy, which means wearers will still need to strap on a normal condom to get full protection.

It is waterproof and features a band that's 'extraordinarily flexible to ensure maximum comfort for all sizes'.

Bizarrely, it even lights up to provide illumination for both partners' nether regions.

Now, we can all compete in the Direct International Comparison Kinetics. Hooray. ;)

http://metro.co.uk/2017/11/28/worlds-first-spy-condom-collects-intimate-data-during-sex-and-tells-men-whether-their-performance-is-red-hot-or-a-total-flop-7116049/


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  • (Score: 2) by tangomargarine on Friday December 01 2017, @08:14PM (4 children)

    by tangomargarine (667) on Friday December 01 2017, @08:14PM (#604026)

    The condom firm said its invention would help men see how they 'stack up to other people from around the world'."

    So you can feel inadequate compared to top sexers?

    The smart condom is a small band which fits around the bottom of a man's willy

    i.Con

    So it's not a condom at all, and presumably the name is a complete misnomer. Nice.

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  • (Score: 2) by bob_super on Friday December 01 2017, @08:23PM (2 children)

    by bob_super (1357) on Friday December 01 2017, @08:23PM (#604031)

    > So you can feel inadequate compared to top sexers?

    On the positive side, if you get systematically fragged by a ten year-old, you have probable cause to call him a cheater.

    • (Score: 2) by c0lo on Friday December 01 2017, @11:33PM

      by c0lo (156) Subscriber Badge on Friday December 01 2017, @11:33PM (#604095) Journal

      if you get systematically fragged by a ten year-old, you have probable cause to call him a cheater.

      You can call him so without paying for the thingy - he's surely a FBI agent.

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    • (Score: 2) by Snotnose on Saturday December 02 2017, @12:27AM

      by Snotnose (1623) on Saturday December 02 2017, @12:27AM (#604109)

      Back in the 90's I wrote ethernet drivers, in the 00's I wrote 802.11x drivers, and I wrote a Bluetooth driver back in 00 or so. I'm pretty sure I can hack this protocol to make myself the ultimate camper, even though after the divorce my sex life is pretty much limited to the 127.0.0.1 interface.

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  • (Score: 2) by Knowledge Troll on Saturday December 02 2017, @07:24PM

    by Knowledge Troll (5948) on Saturday December 02 2017, @07:24PM (#604360) Homepage Journal

    There is good money in feeding on male inadequacy fears. Lots of products use this psychology to be successful. Here we just have it being used in an extremely brazen way. I don't feel the need to measure my sexual conduct up against other people and want nothing to do with such a product. Lots of men are just waiting for the chance to whip their dicks out and measure up against others though.