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posted by martyb on Friday December 01 2017, @06:15PM   Printer-friendly
from the strange-olympics dept.

Finally, the invention I wanted all my life has come to pass:

"A British company has released the first pictures of a 'smart condom' which collects very intimate data about the sex life of anyone brave enough to wear it.

The device is called the i.Con and can detect STIs as well as sending data about a sex session straight to the wearer's smartphone.

British Condoms said its 'revolutionary wearable tech for the bedroom' measures the number of calories burned during intercourse, the speed of a man's thrusts, how long he lasts and even what positions are used.

The condom firm said its invention would help men see how they 'stack up to other people from around the world'."

[...] The smart condom is a small band which fits around the bottom of a man's willy, which means wearers will still need to strap on a normal condom to get full protection.

It is waterproof and features a band that's 'extraordinarily flexible to ensure maximum comfort for all sizes'.

Bizarrely, it even lights up to provide illumination for both partners' nether regions.

Now, we can all compete in the Direct International Comparison Kinetics. Hooray. ;)

http://metro.co.uk/2017/11/28/worlds-first-spy-condom-collects-intimate-data-during-sex-and-tells-men-whether-their-performance-is-red-hot-or-a-total-flop-7116049/


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  • (Score: 3, Funny) by MostCynical on Friday December 01 2017, @08:29PM (3 children)

    by MostCynical (2589) on Friday December 01 2017, @08:29PM (#604035) Journal

    Different-shaped connectors make all the difference.
    You will also need an app show you how to use it (and to ensure you don't break it off)

    Also, make sure you and your partner upgrade at the same time, as you may find your connectors are no longer compatible.

    --
    "I guess once you start doubting, there's no end to it." -Batou, Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex
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  • (Score: 2) by bob_super on Friday December 01 2017, @08:45PM

    by bob_super (1357) on Friday December 01 2017, @08:45PM (#604039)

    After a decade of touting that PowerThrust is the best technique, rabid fans will have to eat crow when Apple decides to switch to IntelliTouch.

  • (Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Friday December 01 2017, @09:36PM (1 child)

    by Anonymous Coward on Friday December 01 2017, @09:36PM (#604061)

    ThinNet or ThickNet (Yellow Hose) cables?

    • (Score: 3, Informative) by Gaaark on Friday December 01 2017, @10:23PM

      by Gaaark (41) on Friday December 01 2017, @10:23PM (#604074) Journal

      Your wife will STILL prefer Darknet

      ;)

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      --- Please remind me if I haven't been civil to you: I'm channeling MDC. ---Gaaark 2.0 ---