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I'm in a pretty good mood this morning and you lot could very well make use of this, so I'm going to share with you the Old Indian Fire-Starting Trick as taught to me by my forefathers.
Setup: First you need a prepared fire ready to be set aflame. It can be your traditional fire of the tinder, kindling, wood type or it can even be charcoal doused in lighter fluid if you're in a bind. Next you need to announce that you'll be performing the "Old Indian Fire-starting Trick" to get it going.
Execution: Carefully inspect the prepared fire, making sure it is safely laid. Make visible note of any failed attempts to get it going. Wet a finger in your mouth and hold it up to test the wind. Affirm with a nod that conditions for the trick are suitable. Now pull a lighter* out of your pocket and use it to light the fire.
When called on your bullshit, recite the following, counting each off on a finger as you do: I tricked you, I started a fire, and I learned it from an old indian. Old indian. Fire-starting. Trick.
This trick is good for most any audience or occasion. Feel free to add any audience-appropriate cheese before you pull out the lighter. You're welcome.
* I advise a Bic for those of you not experienced in lighter selection. An overfilled Zippo will land you with a mild but annoying chemical burn on your leg and a Cricket will run out of fluid before it runs out of flint, leaving you looking at a lighter with fluid in it that can do nothing useful ever again.
(Score: 5, Funny) by takyon on Tuesday July 17 2018, @11:44AM (5 children)
¿ʇıɐqǝɯɐlɟ sıɥʇ sI
[SIG] 10/28/2017: Soylent Upgrade v14 [soylentnews.org]
(Score: 2) by The Mighty Buzzard on Tuesday July 17 2018, @11:52AM (4 children)
I see what you did there...
My rights don't end where your fear begins.
(Score: 1, Insightful) by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday July 17 2018, @12:04PM (1 child)
¿uǝɹɹɐM ɥʇǝqɐzᴉlƎ sᴉɥʇ sɐM
(Score: 3, Funny) by The Mighty Buzzard on Tuesday July 17 2018, @12:11PM
Well, all my living Chickasaw ancestors figure I'm Chickasaw, the federal government allows that I'm Chickasaw, the governor of the Chickasaw nation figures I'm Chickasaw, I'm a member of the Chickasaw Warrior Society, and I vote in Chickasaw elections every time they come around. But if you reckon you're more authoritative, I'll be happy to examine your credentials and listen to your argument.
My rights don't end where your fear begins.
(Score: 2) by acid andy on Tuesday July 17 2018, @03:00PM (1 child)
Err, did I miss something [soylentnews.org]? I don't hang out on IRC so maybe it was discussed there.
"rancid randy has a dialogue with herself[...] Somebody help him!" -- Anonymous Coward.
(Score: 2) by The Mighty Buzzard on Tuesday July 17 2018, @03:08PM
See the response to your linked comment. And no, it wasn't me who handled it.
My rights don't end where your fear begins.
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday July 17 2018, @02:27PM (1 child)
ConsumableTinderTraits traits = config.getDefaultTraitFactoryFactory().getDefaultTraitFactory().getDefaultConsumableTinderTraits();
FireStartingTinder tinder = CombustionBeanFactoryBean.createDefaultFireStartingTinderInstance(config, traits);
AbstractCompliantFireSite site = FireSiteFactory.getDefaultInstance();
site.add(tinder);
@AutoWired FlameEmittingCombustionKit kit;
assert(kit.defaultEmittingCombustionFactoryFactoryIsValid());
CombustionKitTinderAdapter adapter = new CombustionKitTinderAdapter(
new CombustionKitTinderAdapterEndpoints(kit, site)
);
FireStartingEventManagerQueue queue = kit.getDefaultEmittingCombustionFactoryFactory().getDefaultFactoryInstance().getDefaultInstance();
queue.add(new CombustionBeginEvent(adapter, kit, site));
// fire starts asynchronously
(Score: 3, Funny) by The Mighty Buzzard on Tuesday July 17 2018, @03:03PM
You know, a lot of folks hate on java programmers but I love em. Every time a noob learns java, it increases the odds that I won't be asked to commit java myself.
My rights don't end where your fear begins.
(Score: 4, Informative) by Snow on Tuesday July 17 2018, @03:49PM (1 child)
Bic lighters are the best. Nothing else compares.
Bic lighters (the large ones) fit perfectly in your hand. The flame is always perfectly sized. The spark is perfectly sized and causes ignition almost every time. The gas button is well fitted and feels good. The only improvement that I think they could make is to change the metal used for the flame guard. The steel (?) gets very hot if the flame has been lit for more than 10 seconds or so. If they used aluminum or titanium, I think the lower heat capacity would cause it to cool much quicker (but also possibly heat quicker...)
Cricket (is that the ones with the peizo starters) are shit. The starter never works. If there is a slight breeze -- no flame for you. The non-bic flint based ones are all shit too. The sparker makes too big of a spark. The gas button feels flimsy. The flame is too big or too small.
A Bic lighter is a marvel of the modern world. Don't settle for anything less in your doomsday prep kit.
(Score: 2) by Aegis on Tuesday July 17 2018, @10:31PM
I definitely knew who was going to win the final segment of "Four Rooms."
(Score: 4, Funny) by Gaaark on Tuesday July 17 2018, @06:39PM (1 child)
Teach a man to light a fire and he'll stay warm for a while.
Give a man an over filled zippo an he'll be warm for life?
--- Please remind me if I haven't been civil to you: I'm channeling MDC. I have always been here. ---Gaaark 2.0 --
(Score: 1, Interesting) by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday July 17 2018, @08:40PM
Build a man a fire and he'll stay warm for a bit.
Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
.
An old Boy Scouts trick (Order of the Arrow, typically)
-dig a shallow trench from where the council fire would be built to beyond the edge of where the crowd would be
-bury a pair of wires (backup pair recommended) and do your best to conceal the freshly-dug earth
-underneath the council fire's tinder, put a coil of ferrous wire (ballpoint pen spring?) stuffed with matchheads (backup recommended)
-connect the wires to the ends of the spring
To open the campfire proceedings, have the Medicine Man do a showy thing, invoking the 4 winds.
Touch the far end of the wires to a battery and wait for the smoke to arise.
(Have a brave with a lit torch around in case the gimmick and the backup both fail.)
.
...and WRT TMB's latest sig:
My favorite (from Scotland):
I'd call Trump a cunt but he has no warmth and no depth.
-- OriginalOwner_ [soylentnews.org]
(Score: 2) by edIII on Tuesday July 17 2018, @07:19PM (1 child)
I actually, for a second, thought you were going to teach me an old indian fire starting trick :)
Technically, lunchtime is at any moment. It's just a wave function.
(Score: 4, Interesting) by The Mighty Buzzard on Tuesday July 17 2018, @08:30PM
I'm old, I'm an indian, that will start a fire, and it is a trick. It's me giving you a little good natured mocking for thinking of indians as guys in loincloths living in tents, hunting buffalo, and starting fires by rubbing sticks together. I personally think it's a lot more fun getting a laugh than starting a fire the very hard way.
My rights don't end where your fear begins.
(Score: 2) by aristarchus on Tuesday July 17 2018, @08:08PM (20 children)
The loss of a culture is nothing to joke about.
(Score: 3, Insightful) by BK on Tuesday July 17 2018, @08:21PM (1 child)
Particularly if it's smallpox.
...but you HAVE heard of me.
(Score: 2) by realDonaldTrump on Tuesday July 17 2018, @11:23PM
Don't worry, we're taking great care of our smallpox. Keeping it very safe. And very fresh. PERFECTO. And it it gets loose (Porton Down) we won't blame Russia!!!
(Score: 3, Touché) by The Mighty Buzzard on Tuesday July 17 2018, @08:26PM (17 children)
Our culture didn't disappear, it adapted to and incorporated modern advancements. Living in tents and starting fire with nothing but what you find in the woods is for tourists. Unless, do you think people who started from a different looking culture don't belong in yours? I thought better of you than that.
My rights don't end where your fear begins.
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday July 17 2018, @08:51PM (6 children)
I would say the Native peoples were forced to adapt to Europeans' greed and murderousness.
If, right from the start, they had adopted the extreme willingness to kill and had exterminated the Europeans as they showed up, they'd still have their land.
...instead of a bunch of broken promises and worthless treaties.
-- OriginalOwner_ [soylentnews.org]
(Score: 2) by The Mighty Buzzard on Wednesday July 18 2018, @02:20AM (4 children)
Tradition sounds all nice and mystical but it also means sweating our balls off in the summer, freezing our asses off in the winter, no Internet pr0n, and a million other things that well and truly suck. Fuck. That.
My rights don't end where your fear begins.
(Score: 2) by takyon on Thursday July 19 2018, @04:48PM (3 children)
You can protest the loss of those things because you've been exposed to them throughout your life. (Modern) air conditioning and ubiquitous on-demand porn also didn't exist at the time the Native Americans got their asses handed to them.
Technological superiority doesn't necessarily equal happiness. Perhaps the natives were actually more "advanced" than their conquerors because they were living sustainable and fulfilling lives (compare to the centralized governments, environmental pollution, general malaise, and high suicide rates of today). Of course, it wasn't a sustainable situation for them once Europeans showed up to the club. But if all life in North America is wiped out by man's (or robot's) doing before an asteroid or supervolcano (possibly preventable [soylentnews.org]) can do it, then we'll know who had better stewardship of the land.
[SIG] 10/28/2017: Soylent Upgrade v14 [soylentnews.org]
(Score: 2) by The Mighty Buzzard on Saturday July 21 2018, @10:15AM (2 children)
Most of the things I enjoy in this life require electricity. Not the most important ones but a large majority. How about you?
My rights don't end where your fear begins.
(Score: 2) by takyon on Saturday July 21 2018, @12:05PM (1 child)
Yeah, I'm fully plugged in. About to get tubes stuck down my throat, on my orifices, or wherever. But again, we've grown up with the conveniences of electricity. We know what we would be missing. Just like the people 50-100 years into the future will presumably have another set of conveniences that they couldn't imagine giving up, like politically correct hued robot slaves, neural lace VR, life extension, and sex change vending machines.
[SIG] 10/28/2017: Soylent Upgrade v14 [soylentnews.org]
(Score: 2) by The Mighty Buzzard on Saturday July 21 2018, @12:47PM
Zactly. Tradition can't replace the comforts we're used to unless you just hate everything about your life.
My rights don't end where your fear begins.
(Score: 3, Interesting) by BK on Wednesday July 18 2018, @04:11AM
If you really mean that, you may have just made the best argument yet for a Trumpist wall patrolled by snipers and automated flamethrowers.
I thought you were a SJW!?
...but you HAVE heard of me.
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday July 17 2018, @10:15PM (9 children)
"Our"
LOL!
I'm sure you're not lying about having some NA ancestry, but the chance you know more than this joke with regards to NA culture is too low for me to even give odds on.
And here I was thinking I could make it through one of your entries without calling you on some bullshit!
(Score: 2) by The Mighty Buzzard on Wednesday July 18 2018, @02:22AM (8 children)
Awe, you're so cute. You're like a little turtle on his back. You keep trying like hell to accomplish something but just can't quite manage.
My rights don't end where your fear begins.
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday July 18 2018, @04:01AM (7 children)
I'm glad you're in awe, and yes I am quite cute guys tell me all the time. Sadly you're still too dumb to figure out my real motive.
(Score: 2) by The Mighty Buzzard on Wednesday July 18 2018, @04:33AM (6 children)
Your motive is irrelevant, results are what matters and the only result you're getting is my laughter at your ineptitude.
My rights don't end where your fear begins.
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday July 18 2018, @07:02PM (5 children)
There is no desire for a reaction or a result, just putting an air of honesty to the crap you spew. Laugh away, everyone handles their own mental issues differently. I'm just bored enough to bother correcting you and care just enough to try and keep SoylentNews from devolving into a complete libertarian/conservative echo chamber. That requires not letting it reverberate too much, and at least a few other users help dampen your loudspeaker.
Maybe if you didn't intentionally troll all the time we could avoid these repeated call outs.
(Score: 2) by The Mighty Buzzard on Thursday July 19 2018, @11:50AM (4 children)
That you think libertarians and conservatives are at all alike speaks volumes towards your idiocy.
My rights don't end where your fear begins.
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Thursday July 19 2018, @08:24PM (3 children)
Did I say they are alike? Nope. Did I say you both like to suck each other's ideological cock and troll this site with stupidity? Aren't you supposed to be fucked off? Guess you are simply taking this time to troll with your alt accounts.
Don't worry, I know you're closer to Jill Stein than Ben Carson. I guess you are still carrying around some of that racist baggage. Ah well, my thoughts and prayers go with you.
(Score: 2) by The Mighty Buzzard on Friday July 20 2018, @01:09AM (2 children)
Gotta do something during morning coffee. Mocking you won the coin toss.
My rights don't end where your fear begins.
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Friday July 20 2018, @10:18PM (1 child)
Huh, guess we DO have something in common! Except I usually get around to pointing out your flaws when the coffee hits and I'm taking a shit.
(Score: 2) by The Mighty Buzzard on Saturday July 21 2018, @10:19AM
Keep practicing, you'll get good at eventually. I didn't become the awesome mocker of noobs i am today overnight. It's something you have to work at.
My rights don't end where your fear begins.
(Score: 2) by chromas on Thursday July 19 2018, @03:11AM
Good job!