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- Entry-Level Quality Assurance Developer
- Back End Developer
- Senior Front End Developer
Depending on experience, our new employees will be paid Portland area competitive market rate salaries. Look up your current job title and your actual experience at Payscale.com to get an estimate of your pay.
Please send your application in hardcopy form via postal mail:
Portland Custom Software Development
NedSpace Broadway
707 SW Washington St Suite 1100
Portland, OR 97205-3528
The start date is long time from now so do take all the time you require to write your cover letter. In your cover please list the titles and authors of a few of your favorite books.
Our hair isn't pointy; you do not need a Computer Science degree! While the Senior Front End Developer does require Javascript expertise, neither developer job needs experience with any particular framework.
We are writing our back end in Python but will happily hire a Back End coder who has experience in any of Perl, Ruby, Java, PHP, Node.js and the like.
Our Entry-Level QA position would be perfect for recent college graduates as well as technically inclined high school graduates. We will consider part-time work for current high school students.
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Monday September 24 2018, @01:33PM (5 children)
First and foremost, absolutely nobody solicits paper applications in the mail. You're just identifying as an old anachronistic turd that no one should work for.
Second, you were asked for your backend code [soylentnews.org] and you replied with evasive twaddle. This job posting for a backend developer demonstrates you don't have any backend code, and you're an ignorant incompetent poser who can't code. No coder would ever want to work for a shit like you.
Thirdly, you have repeatedly bragged about your poor decision making ability. Anyone considering working for you should seriously consider the real possibility that you will be incapable of paying wages after you blow your entire payroll on nudie magazines [soylentnews.org]. You're an unacceptably high risk employer that nobody should work for.
Fourth and finally, parents of high school students should never let their kids anywhere near an old pedophile like you.
(Score: 2) by MichaelDavidCrawford on Monday September 24 2018, @03:35PM (2 children)
And there is no backend code yet, as all 700+ HTML files are static and hand-coded.
Yes I Have No Bananas. [gofundme.com]
(Score: 1, Funny) by Anonymous Coward on Monday September 24 2018, @04:07PM
https://www.wikihow.com/Hand-Load-Ammunition [wikihow.com]
Just don't blow your wad, man.
https://www.ballisticproducts.com/Wads/departments/83/ [ballisticproducts.com]
(Score: 2) by cafebabe on Tuesday October 09 2018, @08:02PM
I provided a suitable implementation [soylentnews.org]. I also sent you a copy by email with the 60KB dataset and you thanked me for it.
1702845791×2
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Monday September 24 2018, @10:00PM
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Monday September 24 2018, @10:03PM
You forgot one [soylentnews.org]
(Score: 3, Insightful) by requerdanos on Monday September 24 2018, @03:38PM (1 child)
Hi Michael. It's good to see someone who appreciates dead-tree postal mail applications. I've overseen hiring via other methods... FAX was the worst, given that the office deciding to solicit faxed applications had only an inexpensive thermal-paper fax machine. They went through a lot of paper when the employment service office started routinely faxing an application on behalf of anyone and everyone. Requiring someone to go to the trouble and minor expense in order to submit helps weed out the real submissions from the "what the heck, why not" ones. Wisdom befitting a jobs site.
Getting the backend and frontend both just right, and in harmony, will never happen, of course, but I wish you and your developers the best in getting as close as you can.
I might be tempted to apply*--bipolar disorder and PTSD have limited my job prospects, and it's tough to find an employer who's able to make the "reasonable accommodation" required by law, but I suspect you'd be the one able to hire people who "don't quite fit" otherwheres. I salute you for doing so, as well as for being willing to take a chance on kids from high school to fresh college graduate age. Thanks for what you're doing.
* But you'll probably be better off with whomever you end up with, as my skills deteriorate more and more with time.
(Score: 3, Interesting) by MichaelDavidCrawford on Monday September 24 2018, @04:41PM
In my actual experience, dead-tree applications are more likely to get me an interview even when the job posting specifies online applications.
Yes I Have No Bananas. [gofundme.com]
(Score: 2) by Knowledge Troll on Monday September 24 2018, @05:17PM (4 children)
With all due respect you are less than stable. Are you going to let the employees know one day you might wind up in the hospital and not be able to sign the paychecks for a while?
I'm not saying you can't do this just have you thought about what it means for people to depend on you to eat?
(Score: 2) by MichaelDavidCrawford on Monday September 24 2018, @05:48PM (3 children)
Yes, I will tell all my employees that I'm Schizoaffective. I haven't decided whether to tell them at their interviews or when I make an offer, but in any case I _will_ tell them before they accept my offers.
As for paychecks, there are a few friends and family who I would be completely cool with their having check signing authority.
Yes I Have No Bananas. [gofundme.com]
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Monday September 24 2018, @06:26PM (2 children)
How, exactly, do you tell a person that?
MDC, with one eye focused on the fly on the ceiling, the other eye focused on the applicant's foot: "You realize that you're being hired by a fucking nutcase, don't you?"
Applicant: "Well, no, I didn't realize that at all. What do you mean by "nutcase"?"
MDC snatches the fly off of the ceiling, and eats it. "Well, sometimes, I'm not really in contact with reality. So, that will be your job, along with coding. Send me an email every couple of days, telling me what reality is doing."
A vague sound causes MDC to swivel his head, and focus two ears and one eye on a crack in the wall under an end table.
Applicant: "I can probably do that. How do you do that with your eyes?"
MDC: "Do what?"
Applicant: "Your eyes don't focus together - you're looking at me with one eye, while the other watches something on the wall behind you."
MDC: "Wrong, I'm not actually looking at you. I'm wondering what breed of dog left that shit you walked in. It looks a little like Chihuahua shit, but those little fuckers don't leave enough shit to get all over your shoe like that. By the way, I'm obsessive about things like that."
Applicant: "You obsess over people walking in dog shit?"
MDC: "No, I obsess over details, like the breed of dog that left that dropping. So, when can you start?"
Applicant: "Give me three seconds, I'm started back down the stairway right now!"
(Score: 2) by MichaelDavidCrawford on Monday September 24 2018, @06:32PM
I really _do_ obsess over details.
That's why I enjoy working on Soggy Jobs so much - lots of little details to keep my occupied.
Yes I Have No Bananas. [gofundme.com]
(Score: 1, Touché) by Anonymous Coward on Monday September 24 2018, @09:56PM
8/10, you should've mentioned the vintage porn somewhere in there.
(Score: 2) by MichaelDavidCrawford on Monday September 24 2018, @06:30PM (3 children)
-ek?
Just now I listed all the locations of a multinational that has sixty coder openings.
If you're not getting any job offers, then consider the advice that is commonly given in therapy groups as well as twelve-step groups like Alcoholics Anonymous:
"If everyone is telling you that you're wrong, who is the common factor?"
Or something like that.
I'm quite certain that your unemployment is not due to there not being any openings, but because your overwhelmingly negative attitude leaks out your pores. You've been hurling invective at me for months. I regard it as unlikely that you can hide your anger from your interviewers.
Yes I Have No Bananas. [gofundme.com]
(Score: 2, Funny) by Anonymous Coward on Monday September 24 2018, @07:20PM (1 child)
I've never hurled invective at you! Now you've gone and hurt my snowflake feelings! *run crying to my safe space*
(Score: 3, Funny) by MichaelDavidCrawford on Monday September 24 2018, @07:23PM
I meant that _other_ AC!
Yes I Have No Bananas. [gofundme.com]
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Saturday September 29 2018, @09:44PM
Dozens, hundreds, I don't even count anymore.
Golly gee, what reason would I ever have for being angry? Maybe the fact that every single job posting is fucking fake? Maybe the fact that every single interviewer is a fucking asshole?
I am tired of being praised for my skills by lying scumbag motherfuckers who never have any intention of hiring anyone. Their fake jobs stay open for months, reposted every week, never to be filled. Some job boards actually admit most jobs are ultimately closed not filled. The jobs simply do not fucking exist.
I told your dickheadness that I would believe your job board is real when one of your utterly fraudulent companies hires me. This event has not occurred. So instead I spend my time coding on the bus, thinking to myself, I'm the only person on this bus passionate enough about coding to code on the bus, so why the fuck can't I ever find a coding job.
Your tech industry is shit, and you're an opportunist motherfucking asshole for helping fraudulent companies commit fraud.
Go fuck yourself and eat shit and die, MDC.
(Score: 3, Insightful) by Arik on Tuesday September 25 2018, @05:27AM (3 children)
Refuses to work at all in a sane browser. When opened in a throw-away VM with modern trash, it wants me to tell it what I'm paid before it tells me what I should be paid... hrmm yeah nah. Closed window, purged VM.
I suppose the people you want to reach for this aren't likely to mind being exploited like that though. Which is actually kind of a shame, really, just for reasons of comedy. Nothing would be funnier than a 'javascript expert web developer' complaining about being exploited!
Anyhow, hope you're doing well, stay away from that emergency room.
If laughter is the best medicine, who are the best doctors?
(Score: 2) by MichaelDavidCrawford on Tuesday September 25 2018, @07:37AM (2 children)
I had two quite severe manic episodes during the summer. The first I blew fifteen grand in eleven glorious days [warplife.com] and so have gone back to dining at the Portland Rescue Mission.
The second I was awake for well over one hundred hours, most of that time spent writing essays. Lots of essays. In the middle of that I wrote fifteen essays simultaneously - or rather, rapidly switching from essay to essay. I'd write a paragraph for one then get seized with something I wanted to write for the next.
None of the symptoms I previously regarded as warning signs occurred, else I would have gone to the emergency room well before Shit Hit The Fan. I found out the hard way that Trileptal stops just _some_ symptoms of mania but by no means _all_ of them.
However.
The last couple weeks I've been doing really well at focussing on my work. To be unable to focus is quite a common problem for me.
Let me check my logs... Soggy Jobs' Distinct Hosts Served is down from last month, however my crowdfunding announcement [soggy.jobs] has had 9,000 hits, doubtlessly because that same page is where I first posted that I'm accepting applications.
I have I think 286 followers on Twitter. It's really easy to get more followers - just follow my followers' followers, some of them will follow me back. I mean the whole Twitter culture it's just like a bunch of whores, it really is.
I haven't been putting much effort into preparing for my crowdfunding launch. Tomorrow I'll start writing my pitch essay, also I'll shoot some still photos to use in the storyboard for my pitch video.
I have a close friend who is an entertainment industry professional. I'm going to shoot my video's raw footage, then Ted is going to edit it for me.
Good Times.
Yes I Have No Bananas. [gofundme.com]
(Score: 3, Funny) by Arik on Tuesday September 25 2018, @01:59PM (1 child)
Ouch, you must really hate whores. Is there a story there?
If laughter is the best medicine, who are the best doctors?
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Saturday September 29 2018, @11:19PM
This one time, MDC slept with a whore, and she was his mother.