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(I'm logged in with Tor Browser so as to ensure my privacy and anonymity.)

To Wit:

He at first tried to snatch a five-spot from someone's
hand, but that quick-thinking fellow shoved his hand - and his five -
in his pocket.

I grabbed that Enterprising Young Man around his neck while he was
still leaning down then patiently and lucidly explained that "I'm
calling the cops unless you give that _back_!"

I once studied Judo, a purely _defensive_ martial art, which even when
used in Production only rarely injures one's attacker.

He dropped my Samoleons, I let him go then he belted me right in the
head, so hard that I saw the world spin round. I was dizzy for several
minutes after.

Get This:

"I was doing you a favor! I could have traded that money for _more_ money."

Yet I remain skeptical.

He claimed that he acted in his own self-defense despite my not having
injured him in any way, and despite my having let go of him before he
punched me. In the direct presence of a whole bunch of witnesses, he
repeatedly and asserted that I'd punched him first.

He Damn near got Tazered by a helpful bystander who was just on his
way to collect donations for The Salvation Army.

ProTip: Don't Mess With The Salvation Army.

I called 9-1-1 while he and I were still arguing but realized the
Dispatcher was losing precious time so I gave my report, my name and
my number.

By the time I got off the phone he'd walked out of sight but I gave
the Dispatcher quite a good visual description. It was not long at all
before a Prowler drove expeditiously past, it's driver and and I
exchanging smiles and thumbs up.

Officer Hubbard of the Portland Police Bureau turned up next. He asked
Mr. Salvation Army for a quick witness report then the Officer had him
write down his name and number in his notebook.

And yes, Portland's new Police Chief really _is_ named Chief Outlaw. :-0

After I gave him a more detailed report, Officer Hubbard took my name,
number and home address.

"If you capture him, I will enthusiastically press charges because..."

"I know. These guys even hit Nordstrom sometimes" - I was singing
right in front of its main entrance in Downtown Portland - "and the
cafes".

I told all the witnesses that "After I chill for a bit I'll resume
singing" but was still so shaken after Portland's Finest department
that I walked back to work. I just ate lunch back at work, and I
really _will_ go back out then sing in front of Nordstrom again.

Made eight clams by doing so.

As of late I've been opening with "Somewhere Over The Rainbow" but for
the foreseeable future I'll open instead with "Battle Hymn Of The
Republic".

That particular song works _quite_ well for me.

Defiantly,

Michael David Crawford, Baritone