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When I started my relationship hacking series, I said that I would post both the good and the bad...

I'm not really sure where to start on this journal entry, so I'll just lay it out here. Over the last while (a couple months, maybe), the romantic spark between my wife and I has practically disappeared. We still love each other a lot, we are kind to each other, we are still best friends... Everything is great except the spark is missing -- or at least quite muted.

I'm not quite sure what the cause is. I think that one major factor is that we are tired. My daughter is difficult at times (she's a 2 year old...) and we are tired. It's like we are working two jobs. I work my normal 9-5 job then I go home for the evening shift which involves making/cleaning dinner, a little play time with my daughter, then bedtime. That's all done sometime after 8:00, and by then we are both exhausted. We don't have the energy left to spend quality time together. We'll either watch TV together or she'll watch TV while I sit at my computer.

Meanwhile, I'm dating two different women and seeing them almost once a week each. Those 1-2 nights a week that I'm out is my only time that I'm not either at work or with my daughter. Most Saturdays I'm looking after my daughter alone, and Sunday is the only day we actually spend together as a family. Most of the time on those Sundays we are too tired to plan anything fun and end up catching up on household chores. My wife has a couple weekdays partially to herself. On Mondays Grandma takes my daughter for a few hours, and on Tuesdays she's in daycare so my wife has pretty much the whole day to herself. I guess I'm trying to justify those 1-2 nights per week when I'm gone -- My wife has two weekdays, I have two weeknights. I dunno...

Anyways, that's where we are at. We actually have a date night planned for Saturday night. That's a pretty special treat. We practically never have time away from our daughter. It's the 3rd time since she was born. We are going to get massages and then go out for a steak dinner. We have the entire night alone. Hopefully we can rekindle some of the spark.

I don't know if this is a result of the open relationship or not. On one hand, having a kid means our energy is focused there. By the time that job is done, we are exhausted. On the other hand, my wife sees me going on regular dates with two different women where she is lucky to get a date with me every 6 months. That's hardly fair.

One thing that I think needs to change is that my wife an I need to have more date nights. We need to find a babysitter. We need to carve out quality time together. I also think that her working almost every Saturday is taking it's toll. To me, it feels like I work 6 days a week, and on the 7th we spend it doing chores. We do need the extra money though.

I also don't know if this is a normal thing for new parents. Even before I had my daughter, the romantic connection between my wife and I would ebb and flow. It doesn't seem unreasonable that with the additional stress of raising a child that the romance suffers a bit. I've heard countless stories of deadbedrooms after children.

When it comes to my dating, I obviously really enjoy it. It's MY time. It's time when I can be my own person. Make my own memories and have my own experiences. It's the only time I have that is not either at work or at home. Is it selfish? Maybe, but it's a source of happiness. It gives me the energy and motivation to give 110% effort when I'm at home. I feel confident and attractive -- something that I have struggled with. I honestly think that if it weren't for the dating that I would be struggling with depression.

So that's where I'm at right now. I'd love to hear about your experience with keeping romance alive with children. Do you have tips? Am I being selfish with my dating (probably... but I feel like it's keeping me sane)?