Slash Boxes

SoylentNews is people

SoylentNews is powered by your submissions, so send in your scoop. Only 14 submissions in the queue.
posted by martyb on Saturday September 07 2019, @05:44AM   Printer-friendly
from the "Long-Pig" dept.

A Swedish behavioral scientist has suggested that it may be necessary to turn to cannibalism and start eating humans in order to save the planet.

Appearing on Swedish television to talk about an event based around the "food of the future," Magnus Söderlund said he would be holding seminars on the necessity of consuming human flesh in order to stop climate change.

Environmentalists blame the meat and farming industry for a large part of what they claim is the warming of the earth.

According to Söderlund, a potential fix would be the Soylent Green-solution of eating dead bodies instead.

[Ed note: At first I was going to give this story a pass and then, well... this site is called SoylentNews said name being tangentially related to Soylent Green and the tag line is: "SoylentNews is people", so it only goes to follow that you are what you eat, right? Feel free to comment seriously, but I'm quite frankly more interested in what kind of fun the community can have with this story! Some jokes just write themselves. --martyb]

Original Submission

This discussion has been archived. No new comments can be posted.
Display Options Threshold/Breakthrough Mark All as Read Mark All as Unread
The Fine Print: The following comments are owned by whoever posted them. We are not responsible for them in any way.
  • (Score: 5, Interesting) by lentilla on Saturday September 07 2019, @06:06AM (3 children)

    by lentilla (1770) on Saturday September 07 2019, @06:06AM (#890858)

    What an absurd idea - humans are too far up the food chain [] - not to mention incredibly resource-intensive. The environmental cost of nappies [diapers] alone is horrendous - and that only gets us to age two or three. Then there is a further twenty or so years before we have a nice meaty specimen ready for table.

    If we really want to save the planet, we should all adopt a vegetarian diet. Or better yet - stop having children: The Voluntary Human Extinction Movement [].

    Starting Score:    1  point
    Moderation   +4  
       Insightful=1, Interesting=2, Funny=1, Total=4
    Extra 'Interesting' Modifier   0  
    Karma-Bonus Modifier   +1  

    Total Score:   5  
  • (Score: 4, Insightful) by Mer on Saturday September 07 2019, @07:14AM (2 children)

    by Mer (8009) on Saturday September 07 2019, @07:14AM (#890869)

    Well if we want to give the idea some consideration, that's not the way to look at it. Humans wouldn't be made into cattle, their corpses would be repurposed after the live their life meaningful or not.
    The real challenge is more that a lot of the meat will be unfit for consumption. Old people, people with diseases and mangled corpses due to death with trauma.
    If we consider how the average corpse is handled, even skipping the thanatopractor's work, it's gotta wait around a bit so an official can confirm the death for official reasons, and people who die violent deaths usually have their open wound sitting around on the accident site for a while. All a far cry from good food safety practices.
    Basically the only eligible meat would be euthanasia subjects and people dying in the hospital from organ failure not due to infection.
    And after that there's not much meat you can safely harvest for human consumption. All offall's off limits due to prion. It'd be easier to make the corpse into granulated cattle feed, but then we have the exact same problem as cattle based feed and that's not effective either if you want to cook it hot enough to prevent prion disease.
    So what's left? We can maybe improve on cremation as a funeral rite without trying to salvage meat, it's pretty energy intensive. But officials are pretty touchy about rites that don't involve a sealed coffin or destruction of the body for public health reasons. And if you have to drive too far away to bury the corpse into the earth, the fuel cost might be worse than the ovens.

    Shut up!, he explained.
    • (Score: 2) by JoeMerchant on Saturday September 07 2019, @12:24PM

      by JoeMerchant (3937) on Saturday September 07 2019, @12:24PM (#890940)

      It's meant to be a psych prank, generate discussion and drive a few people away from consumption of beef...

      Rather than eating people, sterilizing a few would have a much larger effect.

      🌻 []
    • (Score: 2) by EvilSS on Saturday September 07 2019, @02:05PM

      by EvilSS (1456) Subscriber Badge on Saturday September 07 2019, @02:05PM (#890967)
      No way, too tough at that age. We demand our human veal.