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posted by martyb on Saturday September 07 2019, @05:44AM   Printer-friendly
from the "Long-Pig" dept.

A Swedish behavioral scientist has suggested that it may be necessary to turn to cannibalism and start eating humans in order to save the planet.

Appearing on Swedish television to talk about an event based around the "food of the future," Magnus Söderlund said he would be holding seminars on the necessity of consuming human flesh in order to stop climate change.

Environmentalists blame the meat and farming industry for a large part of what they claim is the warming of the earth.

According to Söderlund, a potential fix would be the Soylent Green-solution of eating dead bodies instead.

https://summit.news/2019/09/04/swedish-behavioral-scientist-suggests-eating-humans-to-save-the-planet/

[Ed note: At first I was going to give this story a pass and then, well... this site is called SoylentNews said name being tangentially related to Soylent Green and the tag line is: "SoylentNews is people", so it only goes to follow that you are what you eat, right? Feel free to comment seriously, but I'm quite frankly more interested in what kind of fun the community can have with this story! Some jokes just write themselves. --martyb]


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  • (Score: 3, Informative) by aristarchus on Saturday September 07 2019, @07:02AM (5 children)

    by aristarchus (2645) on Saturday September 07 2019, @07:02AM (#890867) Journal

    You all joke, but none of you have probably been in a situation where the only thing to eat was the flesh of your comrades. The Siege of Athens was not nice, and fortunately I was not there. The siege of Jerusalem was even less nice, and people would sell their children as food to others. Never eat your own kids, it's not kosher. And hundreds of other cases, from Cannibal Jack [wikipedia.org] to the Donner Party [wikipedia.org], to the Lifeboat Scenario [wikipedia.org], or Mark Twain's "Cannibalism in the Cars" [americanliterature.com], or Rugby Teams "Alive" [wikipedia.org], so do not so lightly dismiss the possibility, because as the left has always said, "Eat the Rich". Problem now is the rich are all too skinny and stringy, since they can afford good diets and exercise and personal trainers, while the really well marbled ones are the poors, fattened upon the high-calorie junk food diets . . . . Holey Shit, Batman! Is this unintentional? Could it be that McDonalds is a plot to feed the 1% with the fat of the land? Soylent Red! Soylent Red!! Calling the Code! Soylent Red!!!!

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  • (Score: 2, Touché) by Anonymous Coward on Saturday September 07 2019, @08:50AM (2 children)

    by Anonymous Coward on Saturday September 07 2019, @08:50AM (#890897)

    You all joke, but none of you have probably been in a situation where the only thing to eat was the flesh of your comrades.

    Eating the flesh of your comrades is fucked up dude. The proper approach is eating the flesh of your vanquished enemies.

    • (Score: 3, Funny) by aristarchus on Saturday September 07 2019, @11:31AM (1 child)

      by aristarchus (2645) on Saturday September 07 2019, @11:31AM (#890928) Journal

      Ya, but you run out of them after a while. And they go bad quickly. Hence The Mighty Buzzard.

  • (Score: 3, Funny) by Anonymous Coward on Saturday September 07 2019, @09:05AM (1 child)

    by Anonymous Coward on Saturday September 07 2019, @09:05AM (#890900)

    Problem now is the rich are all too skinny and stringy...

    ...and I've never liked the taste of Lizard meat anyway.

    • (Score: -1, Troll) by Anonymous Coward on Saturday September 07 2019, @11:54PM

      by Anonymous Coward on Saturday September 07 2019, @11:54PM (#891115)

      Then how about khazar jew corpses? They even have fleshy faces.