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What will it Take to Run a Two-Hour Marathon?

posted by martyb on Monday October 13 2014, @12:55PM   Printer-friendly
from the probably-just-under-two-hours dept.

Hugh Pickens writes:

Alex Hutchinson writes at Runner's World that runners have cut the distance to the sub-two-hour marathon in half since 1998, but it will get progressively harder to trim the remaining seconds. Still, the physiologists tell us that it’s not impossible, meaning it is possible. Hutchinson says it will take several things: a cold day in March or November; a straight, flat course that is mind-numbingly boring; pacemakers who will shepherd leaders around the course cutting the wind and setting the pace; and a runner with a frame of about 5'6", weight of about 120 pounds, and towering self-confidence.

The road is so flat and straight, you can see them coming from a mile away. Six runners flow in arrowhead formation around the Canadian city of Saskatoon. The early November air is still and dry, the sky overcast, and the temperature hovers a bit above freezing, just as predicted. All in their early 20s, they’ve been training together for this moment for years; only in the last month did their coach select which three will go for the record. The remaining three form the front of the arrowhead, blocking the wind and enduring the mental effort of controlling the pace. Should one of them cross the finish line in two hours—or faster—all six will share equally in the $50 million jackpot promised by the heirs to the Hoka One One fortune. The pot of money is up for grabs, for any runner, anywhere in the world. The chase is on. So, will they make it? And what year is this?

I’m saying the year is...2075—and they make it.

 
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  • (Score: 2) by cafebabe on Monday October 13 2014, @06:54PM

    by cafebabe (894) on Monday October 13 2014, @06:54PM (#105673) Journal

    bash.org has humorous exchanges from chatlogs upvoted in the style of Reddit.

    The first joke, related to running, is as follows [bash.org]:-

    yetiamchosen: So the only part about this curse of recruiting potentials for the marine corps that isn't utterly miserable is fucking with the people that have already signed up. Now, we don't want to scare them off entirely, so we can't just sit there and be like, "You're going to die in bootcamp!" But we can be completely insane with each other in front of them, and let them draw that conclusion on their own. So we're told to take the poolees on a 1.5 mile run today. No staff nco's there, so we're like, "Fuckit. There's two recruits, there's eight of us ... four mile run." So we start running and I had just had a monster energy drink, the lo ball kind, which is red. That's a dumbass's recipe for disaster, but I really wanted one so I had one anyway. It dehydrates you, gives you cramps, and makes you puke. So we've been running like half a mile and without breaking pace I casually puke onto the side of the road, and keep running. Among marines this is normal behavior, so no one even says anything, but the recuruit is looking like, "Wtf, did that guy just puke without stopping?"
    geekryan: lol
    yetiamchosen: And he's like, "Dude! Are you alright!" I'm like, "KEEP RUNNING!" and I speed up a little bit, chuckling inside. And then it really hits me and I'm like, going full speed, just hurling all over the side of the road, wiping my mouth, running, hurling and he looks at the puke and he goes, "OH MY GOD ARE YOU PUKING BLOOD!"
    geekryan: HAHAHAHA
    yetiamchosen: And I go, "THAT'S NOT BLOOD IT'S CONFIDENCE AAAAGGGHHHHH!!!" And I just blast off like a little red streaming rocket ship. I look behind me and this kid seriously look like he's just about to piss his pants, like, "Oh my god, what the fuck have I gotten myself into?" I got up to the front and this marine looks at me and goes, "Were you really puking up blood?" I'm like, "No devil, it's monster," and he just laughs, he's like, "You're going to hell."
    yetiamchosen: That's it. I was chuckling inside all the way home.
    geekryan: that really is awesome
    geekryan: I can't imagine how freaked out that recruit was
    yetiamchosen: I hope he doesn't sleep well again until he gets to boot camp.

    And the bonus joke is as follows [bash.org]:-

    I mean, we started 2 nights before, recruiting strippers to show up
    things got out of hand, and we end up with 10 kegs, and who knows how many imported sluts
    I'm not talking tundra wookies
    I mean, decent-looking chicks
    they'd ranks a 6 or 7 here, but are fucking TEN in alaska
    party goes awesome
    don't catch any of the game
    we all pass out by about 3 am
    first call is at 6 am
    and being professional alcoholics, we rigged the central firealarm to go off 10 minutes before first call
    well, we all wake up to the fire alarm, clean the shithole up, then go down to PT formation
    just expecting a 10-mile detox run or something gay like that
    1SG says we're having a health and welfare inspection
    where he goes through everbody's room and fucks you up for anything that's out of place
    well... we had 10 empty kegs and a buncha passed out whores in our building...
    not to mention the little shit like bottle caps and whatnot
    thank GOD he went to consolidated barracks first, so we had about an hour to get everything cleaned up
    you wanna talk about a buncha men working as a team...
    we had the buffer going, you heard nothing but vacuums, sweeping, mopping, and calls for the medic to get a hooker with an IV
    pure mayhem
    we get all the sluts out of our own rooms, and since the dayroom only had a little bit of furniture and we can work on it together, we all hit it at once
    well...there was one chick left over
    still passed out, topless in a leather skirt
    when we heard CQ on the first floor call "AT EASE!"
    fucking panic
    Aubaugh, being the smart crazy jew he was, stole a buncha rappelling gear from mountaineering
    tied her passed-out ass up in a swiss-seat
    (mind you, she was wearing JUST a skirt, and a swiss seat goes between the legs)
    tie the 120 to the center pillar, tied her figure 8 off in a bowline, and pushed her out the window
    she hung there for FORTY FIVE FUCKING MINUTES
    We pass the inspection
    BUT
    as 1SG was walking out of the barracks, he walked around the outside looking for cigarette butts and caught us hauling her naked ass back in the window...
    Fail
    we had such a good chance to get away with it...
    man was that a long week for charlie company, 2-1 infantry

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