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from the you-got-to-try-a-little-kindness dept.
People are touched by small kindnesses and led to greater generosity, new research shows:
Anyone who has given a friend a ride, baked cookies for a sick family member, or even bought a stranger a cup of coffee knows acts of kindness can enhance happiness.
But such random acts of kindness are still somewhat rare. Texas McCombs Assistant Professor of Marketing Amit Kumar set out to discover why people don't engage in prosocial acts — such as helping, sharing, or donating — more often.
In a new study, Kumar, along with Nicholas Epley of the University of Chicago, found that people often underestimate how good these actions make recipients feel. Givers tend to focus on the object they're providing or action they're performing, while receivers instead concentrate on the feelings of warmth the act of kindness has conjured up. Givers' "miscalibrated expectations" — that receivers are solely concerned with the gift itself — can function as a barrier to performing more prosocial behaviors.
[...] The researchers' findings offer practical implications and advice for people going about their everyday lives. When people realize their small actions have a large impact, they can choose to be nicer and carry out more acts of random kindness, enhancing both their well-being and that of others.
"Positive interpersonal contact is a powerful source of happiness," Kumar says. "It will make you feel better and someone else feel better, even better than you think they'll feel. A little good doesn't just go a long way — it goes an unexpectedly long way."
See also: Friends Enjoy Being Reached Out to More Than We Think
Journal Reference:
Kumar, A., & Epley, N. (2022). A little good goes an unexpectedly long way: Underestimating the positive impact of kindness on recipients. Journal of Experimental Psychology: General. 10.1037/xge0001271
(Score: 5, Interesting) by bzipitidoo on Monday August 22 2022, @07:53PM (3 children)
Touchy, yeah. Our next door neighbors are none too smart, and possibly going senile. May be the kind of senility that turns a person angrier and more paranoid. Robs them of emotional control and that sense of proportion. Ever seen an old miser fly into a furious rage over a penny? They were the first on the block to plant big Trump 2020 signs in their yard. I got tired of it, and a few weeks later planted a Biden sign in ours. Wanted the rest of the neighbors to know the place wasn't solid red. Despite the political differences, we were polite to one another.
Then the old woman blew it in a big way. She complained that my lawn wasn't well kept. Grass was too high. It was 4 to 10 inches, and yes, in some circles, that's criminally high. She talked as if my yard was a wild, overgrown jungle swarming with vermin. I disputed her characterization, and that's when she lost it. Yelled that I was an idiot, and I should move out. Said she was done with me, and stormed back inside her house. She wasn't done. She came back out a few minutes later to yell at me some more. How could I ruin her retirement like that, by being such a horrible slob of a neighbor? How could I?? Another neighbor who was present tried to get her to shut up. I told her she could move away. Since then, it's been ice. Pretends I don't exist. Won't look in my direction when we both happen to be outside at the same time. Meh, as long as they don't try any crap, I don't care.
I really have to wonder about a person who feels their quality of life just can't rise to the levels they deserve all because of a few patches of 10 inch high grass in a neighbor's yard. To trash a relationship over that, wow. To let that pwn you. Even if the lawn is just an excuse and the real reason is the Biden 2020 sign, it's still weak. And way over the top. We are not thieves or vandals, we don't litter, we don't harass others even when they harass us about "weeds", we don't disturb the neighborhood with noisy parties, loud music, smoky bonfires, or such like. But all that's not good enough, not for them.
(Score: 2) by JoeMerchant on Tuesday August 23 2022, @12:43AM (2 children)
Last time I read the City of Miami municipal code, anything over 6" and you can call the city to have them mow it for the homeowner and send them the bill...
Before we got our Robomow, I would regularly let our yard go as tall as it can get, 12"+ in some areas. There's many reasons to avoid cities and HOAs, grass regulations are just one.
Sorry for you, and your neighbors. I don't think their feelings toward you are based in anything other than a need to have an "enemy" available to bitch to each other about. Friend of mine's father was a super nice guy for 73 years, then Alzheimers turned him into a sharp-as-a-tack nasty bastard who would not just be randomly mean but really dig for verbal attacks that would hurt the targets (usually family members) as much as possible.
Our current battle is with a gaggle of Corgis next door. Owners left on a two week vacation and the house/dog sitter took them out twice+ daily for walks about the yard and they barely made a peep, but when the owners let them out its a massive (and clearly un-necessary) bark-fest for 15+ minutes, 3-4 times a day (local codes specify 20 minutes continuous required for a citation.) I've made a high power ultrasonic that we can trigger from our phones, and it helps drive them to the other side of their yard, and mostly gives us a feeling of "control" in the situation. Took the "high road" and asked them to please move the 7am bark-o-rama to 8am since we aren't always reawake from our 5:30 kids on bus ritual by 7am, and they have cheerfully and dutifully stuck with that 8am start time, but they have no apparent care in the world about the massively un-necessary barking.
Україна досі не є частиною Росії Слава Україні🌻 https://news.stanford.edu/2023/02/17/will-russia-ukraine-war-end
(Score: 2) by bzipitidoo on Tuesday August 23 2022, @04:53PM (1 child)
For a couple of years, we were stuck with Dalmatians next door. It's true, Dalmatians are perhaps the very stupidest of all dog breeds. Non-stop barking. Never got used to our presence, despite us being outside much of the weekend. It's like they were incapable of recognizing humans that ought to have become familiar to them. From the way they snarled and bit down hard on the chain link fence separating us whenever we were near, I'm sure they would have bit us if they could. After that, we were far more sympathetic to the movie character Cruella. Turn them all into fur coats.
Yes, I especially dislike HOAs as what they seem best at is breeding and enabling fascism. They're total fascist bait. The sort of person who wants to run an HOA and too often is allowed that, is far too likely to be fascistically inclined. Quick to turn to threats and bullying any resident whose yard or home doesn't conform to their rigid and overbearing expectations. Hypocritically excuse themselves from whatever rule inconveniences them. We're stuck in one of those, thanks to the S.O. believing it would make for a better neighborhood, away from poor ex-convicts and Section 8 housing. I argued against it, but was not heeded.
Not that cities are much better. They're only better because their bullying is by necessity much more diffuse. That 6" rule is typical overreaching, so that they can deal with 12" high grass without anyone credibly disputing that it wasn't in violation. If they actually enforced it against someone for 7" high grass, they could get a lot of flak.
(Score: 3, Interesting) by JoeMerchant on Tuesday August 23 2022, @06:58PM
While I was in the City, I attended a neighborhood meeting where some neighbors went off on the code enforcement officer and started chanting "just enforce the law, just enforce the law", so... the next week they did.
I had had a (nice) boat in the front yard for 5+ years at that point. I would receive the occasional compliment, at least some neighbors liked seeing my boat, and none ever complained. However, there was a law that boats may not be stored in front of the front line of the home, and with 5' setbacks plus landscaping including large concrete planters and walls, there was no way in hell my boat would get behind the front line of my home. After the meeting, code enforcement sent officers to our neighborhood to give the people what they were asking for: a writeup of every single observable observation. 13 days later, I received a certified letter dated 2 days after the meeting, informing me that I had 14 days from the date of the letter (not the date of delivery) in which to comply or face $500 per day fines accruing from the stated deadline. These fines made the local news as some homeowners accrued fines in excess of the value of their homes, and local judges were declaring the entire amount of the fine as uncollectable and essentially meaningless, but it was still a legal mess which slowed/stopped the sale of the homes. Anyway... the next day I sat down with the chief code enforcement officer who was actually a really reasonable man who made clear to me that his officers could only write "observable" offences, and if my boat were, say, behind a legal fence, then the officers would have no reason to come on my property, could not observe the boat, and thus would not write any further citations - and we'll just forget about this one anyway, these were all written in an attempt to educate / calm the residents chanting "just enforce the law" in how undesirable such enforcement really is.
We lived in a HOA neighborhood 2006-2013. 2006-2011 it was a nice place to live, I helped with the board occasionally, little stuff, all cordial with the neighbors. We approved a variance for a family to keep chickens, so long as their immediate neighbors had no objections, then they decided "thanks, but we don't really want chickens after all..." that kind of stuff. In 2011, the Nazis took majority control of the board and it went downhill fast. They were mostly circumspect as long as they were outvoted, but when they took majority power on the board they raised the annual dues payment 15% for no actual reason, hired an enforcement company to come write citations and basically pay their own consulting fees from the fines. The Nazis lived in the back of the neighborhood and they justified that the appearance citations would naturally be more stringently enforced in the front of the neighborhood where everybody saw the houses... it went on and on like that, after we left they were hiring sheriff's deputies to oversee the election ballot counting because of accusations of cheating... so glad to leave them to their own little mess and never look back.
Україна досі не є частиною Росії Слава Україні🌻 https://news.stanford.edu/2023/02/17/will-russia-ukraine-war-end