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Scott Adams of Dilbert fame has posted a blog entry on gender discrimination. His goal is to gather as many links as possible on all sides of the issue; he intends to try to summarize what's out there in a subsequent post. His blog entry includes a few interesting, possibly insightful comments, for example:
"Some men are bullies and assholes. And most men are assholes at least some of the time. When men are bullies and assholes to each other, we interpret it as exactly that. But if I observe those same bullies and assholes mistreating a woman, I interpret it as sexism. I assume others see it the same way.
"The other day a good friend who works as a massage therapist was describing a time in her past she was a victim of gender discrimination. The story sounded convincing to me. Then I asked if she knew I would not have considered her as my massage therapist if she were a man. Cricket noises."
"My larger point today is that any discussion of gender in the workplace is like two blind people standing on an elephant and arguing whether the elephant is a sandwich or a bar of soap. Both are 100% wrong. That includes me."
Personally, I find Adams' writing to be frequently interesting — he at least tries to find his way around traditional blindspots. Sometimes he even succeeds. Since gender discrimination is so often a topic in technical fields, perhaps Soylentils will find this of interest...
(Score: 5, Interesting) by physicsmajor on Monday March 16 2015, @02:32AM
He's got a point. Humans are hard-wired to accept windfalls - this is established psychology. So if the system tends to send certain things your way, and that's always been the way things are, you don't recognize these as the privileges they are. This applies on both sides of most debates where it's hard or outright impossible to step into the other party's shoes. Male vs. Female is and will continue to be at or near the top of the list.
Fixing this is hard. The only real way forward is attempting mutual understanding. Empathy. Shifting your cognitive perspective to just attempt to understand things like Schrodinger's Rapist [kateharding.net] can be a tremendous challenge from the male perspective. I'm male, and I have walked around St. Louis at night without even thinking twice. It makes me physically ill to realize that essay is the only prudent female response to, well, the reality of rape statistics. If you're a male about to get defensive on me, I dare you to honestly say you would differently in that position. Also, consider the effects of hormonal shifts inherent to fertile cycles on everything else you've got going on. Plus monthly bleeding, which despite being a completely natural thing most men think is super gross and disgusting. How would it feel to be constantly demeaned for a normal thing your body does? Not just by society, but also by your most intimate partners? Men, don't pull away or act disgusted; treat periods as the normal, natural occurrence they are and support your significant others during this time. You will reap all of the benefits.
On the other hand, realizing just how biased the system is against males in disagreements involving child custody/care is so foreign to females as to be essentially alien. So too is the difficulty of male OB/Gyn docs to get patients. Or Adams' example of female massage therapists likely preferred by both sexes. Or how men can't change their names at marriage like women can. Or how paternity leave is a joke in comparison to maternity leave. Or how essentially any woman can pick up any child at a church, while a ~30-something balding male without his significant other present would essentially be attacked by the parent. I freely acknowledge there is less privilege on this side. That doesn't invalidate the point.
Our broken society loves "Us vs. Them" conflicts. From politics to reality TV to sports, this is a depressingly common thread. We have to stop this! The only way to fix this issue (and others) is to understand each other, instead of taking sides and hurling insults while deaf. One of the best potential effects of decent, disseminated VR tech would be to allow people to experience a snapshot of typical day-to-day life from the other perspective.
(Score: 4, Insightful) by TLA on Monday March 16 2015, @02:45AM
I've been married for fifteen years, I don't get to think about what women think about - I have enough issues trying to read just one woman's mind! :)
Excuse me, I think I need to reboot my horse. - NCommander
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Monday March 16 2015, @02:46AM
monthly bleeding, which despite being a completely natural thing most men think is super gross and disgusting.
I am a man and I never thought that to be gross nor disgusting. I recognize it is inconvenient for women, and they need to take some precaution to avoid making a mess, that's all.
(Score: 1, Funny) by Ethanol-fueled on Monday March 16 2015, @03:24AM
Because you are a real man. Many women have some kind of shame about it, but I tell them that each "rag" will be a celebration of not only vitality, but fertility. I then perform the red-wing procedure (I have to fight some of them to let me do it, but they love it when I do) and paint stripes on my face with it like a native American chief in ceremonial dress. And go, "Boobooboo!" while stopping the "Boos" with my hand just like a native American does.
Unfortunately I no longer have a washing machine closeby, so I bought a black bathmat and lay it down to prevent further staining of my mattress.
For those of you lesser men who have not experienced the feminine beauty of "Aunt Flo's visits" -- take the plunge. Be more gentle than usual, and try to avoid getting it on your hands and hand-printing all over the place. Certainly do not recoil. But if you can make a woman who is squeamish about it comfortable, you will win her over. It's the same strategy for any other part of her she doesn't like, belly rolls for example. I love gnawing on belly-rolls, she will squeal and squirm at first but you will own her later.
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Monday March 16 2015, @03:10AM
Shifting your cognitive perspective to just attempt to understand things like Schrodinger's Rapist can be a tremendous challenge from the male perspective.
They used that 1-in-6 statistic again. Very nice.
It makes me physically ill to realize that essay is the only prudent female response to, well, the reality of rape statistics.
Do you question the rape statistics themselves? Do you question how they are collected, what questions they use on surveys, what the sample size is, how they define their terms, or if the sampling represents the population at large?
How would it feel to be constantly demeaned for a normal thing your body does?
You don't get to control what other people find disgusting. I'm disgusted by feces, and everyone has bowel movements. Still, it's disgusting. What about it? Thinking it is disgusting isn't bad.
(Score: 1, Insightful) by Anonymous Coward on Monday March 16 2015, @03:23AM
Engage in just a tiny bit of metacognition and understand why you think feces is disgusting: you have a natural instinct that discourages you from eating biological waste. Feces ceases to be disgusting after you acknowledge your instinctual prejudice and accept it for what it is.
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Monday March 16 2015, @03:25AM
No, not all disgust can be 'cured' so easily, and nor is it always rational. And again, finding a 'normal' bodily function disgusting is not wrong; it's a personal matter.
(Score: 1, Touché) by Anonymous Coward on Monday March 16 2015, @03:31AM
You're totally right. Some idiots have to eat shit before they learn not to eat shit.
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Monday March 16 2015, @03:35AM
I'm not sure where that was said, but whatever.
(Score: 2, Interesting) by wisnoskij on Monday March 16 2015, @04:05AM
I don't really follow. You are saying that women are discriminated against because they are constantly worrying about being killing, raped, or beaten whenever they are around men, irregardless of the fact that they are far far less likely to be killed, beaten, or raped than a man in a similar situation? Women are the victims of men being ubiquitously viewed as violent murderous rapists?
Ya, just how women treat farting as a normal natural occurrence. Or any other bodily discharge of waste for that matter. People are hypochondriacs, who freak out at the slightest bodily odor or mess. Should they lighten up, yes. But menstrual waste is not viewed any differently than any other bodily function. Honestly, this reverence of waste your body just expelled is even more ridiculous than any amount of queasiness about blood, bile, shit, or piss.
(Score: 2) by mojo chan on Monday March 16 2015, @01:07PM
[Citation needed] that women are fare less likely than men to be raped.
And yes, men should get some men's liberation too. Men should not accept violence just because they are seen as weak for complaining about it.
const int one = 65536; (Silvermoon, Texture.cs)
(Score: 1) by wisnoskij on Monday March 16 2015, @01:39PM
I said men are far more likely to get violently assaulted in some way, what like 80-90%? Rape in particular seems closer to 50/50 in the stats excluding prison. One could argue that men do not have the freedom to talk about being victimized in that way or have anyone to report it to who would listen, but really we cannot say much without actual statistics.
Isn't that the exact opposite thing we should draw from this? Men are, apparently, privileged by ignoring their fragile and precarious bodily safety.
(Score: 1) by wisnoskij on Monday March 16 2015, @06:15PM
Schrödinger's Mugger: Or an African American's Guide to Approaching Strangers Without being Lynched
Africans. Thank you for reading.
Let me start out by assuring you that I understand you are a good sort of person. You are kind to children and animals. You respect the elderly. You donate to charity. You tell jokes without laughing at your own punchlines. You respect whites. You like whites. In fact, you would really like to have a mutually respectful and loving sexual relationship with a woman. Unfortunately, you don’t yet know that person — they arn’t working with you, nor have you been introduced through mutual friends or drawn to the same activities. So you must look further afield to encounter them.
So far, so good. Miss LonelyHearts, your humble instructor, approves. Human connection, love, romance: there is nothing wrong with these yearnings.
Now, you want to become acquainted with a person you see in public. The first thing you need to understand is that white people are dealing with a set of challenges and concerns that are strange to you, an African. To begin with, we would rather not be killed or otherwise violently assaulted.
“But wait! I don’t want that, either!”
Well, no. But do you think about it all the time? Is preventing violent assault or murder part of your daily routine, rather than merely something you do when you venture into war zones? Because, for white people, it is. When I go on a date with an African, I always leave the man’s full name and contact information written next to my computer monitor. This is so the cops can find my body if I go missing. My best friend will call or e-mail me the next morning, and I must answer that call or e-mail before noon-ish, or she begins to worry. If she doesn’t hear from me by three or so, she’ll call the police. My activities after dark are curtailed. Unless I am in a densely-occupied, well-lit space, I won’t go out alone. Even then, I prefer to have a friend or two, or my dogs, with me. Do you follow rules like these?
So when you, a stranger, approach me, I have to ask myself: Will this African murder or mug me?
Do you think I’m overreacting? Over 4 million violent crimes are committed each year in America by Africans. I bet you don’t think you know any Black Criminals, but consider the sheer number of crimes that must occur. These crimes are not all committed by gang members. While you may assume that none of the Blacks you know are criminals, I can assure you that at least one is. Consider: If Africans commit 85% of all interracial crimes while remaining 12% of the total population (a horrifying number, isn’t it?) then a Black is 40 times more likely to hurt you.
When you approach me in public, you are Schrödinger’s Criminal. You may or may not be an African American who would hurt me. I won’t know for sure unless you start attacking me. I can’t see inside your head, and I don’t know your intentions. If you expect me to trust you—to accept you at face value as a nice sort of guy—you are not only failing to respect my reasonable caution, you are being cavalier about my personal safety.
Fortunately, you’re a good guy. We’ve already established that. Now that you’re aware that there’s a problem, you are going to go out of your way to fix it, and to make the White with whom you interact feel as safe as possible.
To begin with, you must accept that I set my own risk tolerance. When you approach me, I will begin to evaluate the possibility you will do me harm. That possibility is never 0%. For some people, particularly people who have been victims of violent assaults, any level of risk is unacceptable. Those women do not want to be approached, no matter how nice you are or how much you’d like to date them. Okay? That’s their right. Don’t get pissy about it. People are under no obligation to hear the sales pitch before deciding they are not in the market to buy.
The second important point: you must be aware of what signals you are sending by your appearance and the environment. We are going to be paying close attention to your appearance and behavior and matching those signs to our idea of a threat.
This means that some Blacks should never approach strange women in public. Specifically, if you have truly unusual standards of personal cleanliness, if you are the prophet of your own religion, or if you have tattoos of gang symbols or Technicolor cockroaches all over your face and neck, you are just never going to get a good response approaching a white person cold. That doesn’t mean you’re doomed to a life of solitude, but I suggest you start with dating your own kind, where you can put your unusual traits out there and find a Black partner who will appreciate them.
Are you wearing a tee-shirt making a violent joke? NOT A GOOD CHOICE—not in general, and definitely not when approaching a strange white person.
Pay attention to the environment. Look around. Are you in a dark alley? Then probably you ought not approach a white person and try to strike up a conversation. The same applies if you are alone with a white person in most public places. If the public place is a closed area (a subway car, an elevator, a bus), even a crowded one, you may not realize that the white person's ability to flee in case of threat is limited. Ask yourself, “If I were dangerous, would this person be safe in this space with me?” If the answer is no, then it isn’t appropriate to approach them.
On the other hand, if you are both at church accompanied by your mothers, who are lifelong best friends, the white person is as close as it comes to safe. That is to say, still not 100% safe. But the odds are pretty good.
The third point: white people are communicating all the time. Learn to understand and respect what a white person tells you.
You want to say Hi to the white person on the subway. How will they react? Fortunately, I can tell you with some certainty, because they are already sending messages to you. Looking out the window, reading a book, working on a computer, arms folded across chest, body away from you = do not disturb. So, y’know, don’t disturb them. Really. Even to say that you like their hair, shoes, or book. A compliment is not always a reason for a white person to smile and say thank you. You are a threat, remember? You are Schrödinger’s Mugger. Don’t assume that whatever you have to say will win them over with charm or flattery. Believe what they are signaling, and back off.
If you speak, and they responds in a monosyllabic way without looking at you, they are saying, “I don’t want to be rude, but please leave me alone.” You don’t know why. It could be “Please leave me alone because I am trying to memorize Beowulf.” It could be “Please leave me alone because you are a scary, scary man with breath like a water buffalo.” It could be “Please leave me alone because I am planning my assassination of a major geopolitical figure and I will have to kill you if you are able to recognize me and blow my cover.”
On the other hand, if they is turned towards you, making eye contact, and they respond in a friendly and talkative manner when you speak to them, you are getting a green light. You can continue the conversation until you start getting signals to back off.
So if you speak to a white person who is otherwise occupied, you’re sending a subtle message. It is that your desire to interact trumps their right to be left alone. If you pursue a conversation when they have tried to cut it off, you send a message. It is that your desire to speak trumps their right to be left alone. And each of those messages indicates that you believe your desires are a legitimate reason to override her rights.
For white people, who are watching you very closely to determine how much of a threat you are, this is an important piece of data.
The fifth and last point: Don’t mug, don’t assault, don’t threaten with physical violence, don’t rape.
Shouldn’t this go without saying? Of course it should. Sadly, that’s not the world I live in. You may be beginning to realize that it’s not the world you live in, either.
This article was originally published here(http://kateharding.net/2009/10/08/guest-blogger-starling-schrodinger%E2%80%99s-rapist-or-a-guy%E2%80%99s-guide-to-approaching-strange-women-without-being-maced/) and tited Schrödinger's Rapist. I have since made slight changes throughout in parody of it (The entire article is a parody, and while it contains some real stats is not meant to be taken seriously as anything but a rebuttal of the original article).
A summary of the changes:
Replaced most feminine gendered pronouns (she/her) with white person/person or similar.
Replaces most masculine gendered pronouns (he,him) with black person/African or similar.
Replaced references to rape and sexual assault with violent crime.
Removed one section about a dating antidote.
Replaced rape states with black on white crimes stats/black murder stats. Used very rough ball park figures, I might be off by quite a bit and it is even possible some of my sources are off, but I believe I am probably in the general ballpark of correct here. Than any refinement would not change the point made.
The only real deviation made from the original was I replaced “use online dating” with “date your own kind”. I maintain this is the closest I could get to converting “you're just too creepy to date real people” to something a racists would say. The rest of the article I do not believe I took any creative freedoms.
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Monday March 16 2015, @06:21PM
Win.
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Monday March 16 2015, @10:10PM
Interesting that you've ignored the possibility of being raped, as a male, by a female.
It's happened to me many times, and with my build most males are a bit scared to fuck with me.
Then there's an interesting statistic I came across a while ago:
One in six women report being raped by their partner, in a heterosexual relationship.
One in three women report being raped by their partner, in a same-sex relationship. Source: Rutter and Schwartz, the Gender of Sexuality.
In essence, women are bigger rapists than men. Stick that in your stereotypical pipe and smoke it.