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“Dan” seems at first to perfectly embody that popular object of scorn these days in San Francisco: the privileged tech worker. He’s a developer-turned-manager at a thriving startup, the type of guy you would expect to see dodging protesters at a Google bus stop or evicting low-income tenants in order to build his dream condo. But beyond that veneer of untouchable privilege, there is a soft underbelly. He’s a 40-year-old virgin, and his troubles with women are bad enough that he’s sought out a sex therapist for help.
This is in part a result of techies’ higher-than-average salaries, which allow them to pay for therapy, particularly when it comes to non-traditional counseling that isn’t covered by insurance. There’s something else at play here, though: In general, tech workers are more vulnerable to issues around love and intimacy, according to several local sex therapists I’ve interviewed. The reasons for this are wide-ranging, but in Dan’s particular case, it resulted from being tagged as a prodigy at a young age. He excelled in science and was encouraged to pursue it to the exclusion of all else.
The men, like Dan, who are coming to see her have been hindered by the very thing that allows them to excel in their field. “There is a very strong reinforcement [in tech] on using your brain,” says McGrath. “You brain is what’s of value.” But when it comes to sex, she says, “our brains are bullshit.”
Original Submission
(Score: 2, Insightful) by bziman on Monday June 01 2015, @03:31AM
I question how smart he is if he moved into middle management. There are many companies in Silicon Valley that have engineering tracks that allow you to advance your career without moving into management. Though I suppose only the best companies that hire the smartest people do that.
I certainly know a lot of really smart, really highly paid engineers... nearly all of them are married and have kids.
I question how "smart" someone is, if they can't figure out how to act in social situations by watching what other people do... or at least reading a book on the subject.
Sure, there are folks on the autism spectrum that have some trouble... and there are sociopaths. But those issues are not limited to the "smart".
I'm glad he's seeking help, and he may be privileged, but he's not that smart.
(Score: 2, Insightful) by Anonymous Coward on Monday June 01 2015, @03:59AM
Maybe he is too honest for his own good? An effective tech worker learns early on that lying to machines is futile because computers will only follow precise instructions to process actual data according to physical laws. Engineering is about making real things happen in the real world, the laws of physics are unbreakable, and computers are not influenced by deception. In contrast, social interaction occurs in a delusional fantasy world where lies, deceit, and misrepresentation are rewarded with money and sex. Anyone who expects to be able to interact with other people using the same transparent honesty that works with machines is a fool.
(Score: 2) by c0lo on Monday June 01 2015, @04:10AM
Huh! That's the G in GIGO.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aoFiw2jMy-0
(Score: 3, Funny) by Anonymous Coward on Monday June 01 2015, @04:19AM
With women it works like LILO. Lies In (the ear), Legs Open (for sex).
(Score: 1) by Ethanol-fueled on Monday June 01 2015, @07:05PM
Holy shit, that comment is the most honest thing I've read in awhile.
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Monday June 01 2015, @04:04AM
Why read a static, generic book when you can afford to hire a dynamic person that can respond to your exact situation? And since when has it been socially acceptable to watch other people talking at a restaurant or following people around in the park to hear their whole interaction? I question how smart you are. You have a closed mind.
(Score: 2) by c0lo on Monday June 01 2015, @05:38AM
Ummmm.... trying hard to find where middle management was mentioned - I'm seeing only "management" mentioned in TFS/TFA. Any help?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aoFiw2jMy-0
(Score: 2) by bziman on Monday June 01 2015, @04:46PM
It's an assumption on my part... but generally, in articles like this, folks in senior management are called out as "senior management" or "executive management", while "manager" just refers to generic middle management. I've been a team lead in the past, but even then, I always referred to myself as an engineer, never as a manager. In my experience, "engineers turned managers" are often (but not always) as I described.
(Score: 2) by AnonTechie on Monday June 01 2015, @12:49PM
I think this Dilbert cartoon is apt ... http://dilbert.com/strip/2015-05-31 [dilbert.com]
Albert Einstein - "Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Monday June 01 2015, @09:27PM
I don't really feel bad for the guy. He choose not to develop his social skills and learn how to interact with women. He did choose to learn other skills that have provided him money. He has had many opportunities through life and once an adult to interact and learn social skills. He has chosen not to.
Have trouble talking to women, but have some money, go to a strip club and get used to talking to strippers. If you can hold a conversation with a half-naked woman, you should be okay talking to the girl at the coffee shop.
Read the the book "The Game" or look up stuff about pick-up artists and learn the methodology, but actually have some human decency in using what you learn.
Make friends. Real life friends, not virtual one. Go do social stuff. If you can talk to people you can talk women (they are people after all).
Adopt a puppy. Bitches love puppies.