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“Dan” seems at first to perfectly embody that popular object of scorn these days in San Francisco: the privileged tech worker. He’s a developer-turned-manager at a thriving startup, the type of guy you would expect to see dodging protesters at a Google bus stop or evicting low-income tenants in order to build his dream condo. But beyond that veneer of untouchable privilege, there is a soft underbelly. He’s a 40-year-old virgin, and his troubles with women are bad enough that he’s sought out a sex therapist for help.
This is in part a result of techies’ higher-than-average salaries, which allow them to pay for therapy, particularly when it comes to non-traditional counseling that isn’t covered by insurance. There’s something else at play here, though: In general, tech workers are more vulnerable to issues around love and intimacy, according to several local sex therapists I’ve interviewed. The reasons for this are wide-ranging, but in Dan’s particular case, it resulted from being tagged as a prodigy at a young age. He excelled in science and was encouraged to pursue it to the exclusion of all else.
The men, like Dan, who are coming to see her have been hindered by the very thing that allows them to excel in their field. “There is a very strong reinforcement [in tech] on using your brain,” says McGrath. “You brain is what’s of value.” But when it comes to sex, she says, “our brains are bullshit.”
Original Submission
(Score: 3, Insightful) by VanderDecken on Monday June 01 2015, @06:03PM
I concur.
Go take a dance class. One of those ones that teach many styles of social dancing including ballroom. DON'T join with the mind focus of picking someone up; join to learn some (very useful) new skills. These kind of classes will typically have you changing partners every dance. Practise your conversation skills a bit while practising your dancing skills, but pay attention to the lesson. (Don't step on her toes :) Be friendly, even if your partner-of-the-moment doesn't appeal to you. Women notice how you treat other women. Don't try to over-impress. Be clean, dress neatly (neat doesn't imply expensive). Oh, and the female-to-male ratio is often 2-to-1 or more :) Even if you don't meet anyone appropriate, being able and interested in dancing is a *very* useful life-long skill. (And keep it up after you're married.)
Grab a friend and take in some live theatre, a symphony, or similar events. Mingle during intermission. There are often ladies there that are out with their own friends and willing to talk. Don't overdue it and be creepy. Be honest. Don't make shit up that will come back to bite you later.
Take a cooking class. You know how to bake? Great ... try Thai cooking (or whatever).
Got a vacation coming up? Travel and stay in hostels. (Are you older? They're not just youth hostels any more.) Visit. Talk to strangers.
It's all about attitude and confidence. Push your comfort zone, and before long you'll realize that it's moved out a lot. Do new things for their own enjoyment and often you will find people who share your interests.
When you meet someone, treat her with respect. Listen. Talk about more than just yourself.
And if after all that you still haven't met The One, you still haven't wasted your time; you're miles ahead of where you started.
The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.