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“Dan” seems at first to perfectly embody that popular object of scorn these days in San Francisco: the privileged tech worker. He’s a developer-turned-manager at a thriving startup, the type of guy you would expect to see dodging protesters at a Google bus stop or evicting low-income tenants in order to build his dream condo. But beyond that veneer of untouchable privilege, there is a soft underbelly. He’s a 40-year-old virgin, and his troubles with women are bad enough that he’s sought out a sex therapist for help.
This is in part a result of techies’ higher-than-average salaries, which allow them to pay for therapy, particularly when it comes to non-traditional counseling that isn’t covered by insurance. There’s something else at play here, though: In general, tech workers are more vulnerable to issues around love and intimacy, according to several local sex therapists I’ve interviewed. The reasons for this are wide-ranging, but in Dan’s particular case, it resulted from being tagged as a prodigy at a young age. He excelled in science and was encouraged to pursue it to the exclusion of all else.
The men, like Dan, who are coming to see her have been hindered by the very thing that allows them to excel in their field. “There is a very strong reinforcement [in tech] on using your brain,” says McGrath. “You brain is what’s of value.” But when it comes to sex, she says, “our brains are bullshit.”
Original Submission
(Score: 2, Informative) by Noble713 on Monday June 01 2015, @10:43PM
“There is a very strong reinforcement [in tech] on using your brain,” says McGrath. “You brain is what’s of value.” But when it comes to sex, she says, “our brains are bullshit.”
1st Mistake: seeing a female sex therapist. A MAN best learns how to seduce women from other men who have learned how to seduce women. When it comes to sex, your brain isn't bullshit. There is a system. There are inputs that you adjust to get the desired result. Men can learn combinations of body language, fashion/style, things to say (including stories of their interesting life experiences), ideal locations/activities to take women on dates, etc. that fit their personality. In combination with well-screened females (because not all women are date material either), calibrating and training your other inputs will trigger attraction in women and end in sex.
After repeatedly being successful at this, neural plasticity sets in and that's where confidence comes from. (IMO: confidence is the knowledge of capability, and that knowledge comes largely from accomplishment, i.e. successful experience)
I find most women hate hearing these truths, because it shatters their illusions about romance and "feeling special". They don't like the idea that their heart can be played like a smartphone app. That the "unique experience" they felt was actually the exact same feeling you gave a different woman two days prior.
Pick-up Artists seem to be largely reviled but IMO they are pioneers in hacking human charisma. Tech/IT/engineer guys understand systems, and I find they respond well when you break down "how to get laid" in these terms. Still, I know some men who seem to understand the theory but still can't get women. Their self-confidence is so abysmally low that no amount of coaching or encouragement can even get them to FAKE having confidence long enough to seduce someone.