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“Dan” seems at first to perfectly embody that popular object of scorn these days in San Francisco: the privileged tech worker. He’s a developer-turned-manager at a thriving startup, the type of guy you would expect to see dodging protesters at a Google bus stop or evicting low-income tenants in order to build his dream condo. But beyond that veneer of untouchable privilege, there is a soft underbelly. He’s a 40-year-old virgin, and his troubles with women are bad enough that he’s sought out a sex therapist for help.
This is in part a result of techies’ higher-than-average salaries, which allow them to pay for therapy, particularly when it comes to non-traditional counseling that isn’t covered by insurance. There’s something else at play here, though: In general, tech workers are more vulnerable to issues around love and intimacy, according to several local sex therapists I’ve interviewed. The reasons for this are wide-ranging, but in Dan’s particular case, it resulted from being tagged as a prodigy at a young age. He excelled in science and was encouraged to pursue it to the exclusion of all else.
The men, like Dan, who are coming to see her have been hindered by the very thing that allows them to excel in their field. “There is a very strong reinforcement [in tech] on using your brain,” says McGrath. “You brain is what’s of value.” But when it comes to sex, she says, “our brains are bullshit.”
Original Submission
(Score: 1) by Noble713 on Tuesday June 02 2015, @12:04AM
Lot of angles to this. Girls are encouraged to hate and be jealous of smart, nerdy, geeky guys. There are exceptions, but on the whole, high school is terrible for geeks. The average girls want the studly football captain, or the tough, bad boy biker/punk rocker guy in black leather and spikes, or Prince Charming with muscles and money.
This is a false dichotomy. Why can't you lift weights while your code compiles? Why can't you ride a Harley in-between LAN parties? Soylent had an article a few weeks ago about the NFL player who has a PhD in Mathematics. So what's your excuse? I find most nerds who complain about how "women don't like nerds" are simply dull, weak, uninteresting people.
And that's fine, we didn't want them anyway.
Oh stop lying. Most importantly you're lying to yourself.
However, decent and honest dating sites seldom landed me a girlfriend either.
Did you have professional photographs on those sites? What sort of clothes were you wearing, or what activities were you doing in your photos?
Online dating is an uphill battle for most men as the women are simply BOMBARDED with attention, because it requires almost no effort and entails no risk to send a message to a cute girl. You have to go above and beyond to make yourself stand out from the rest, and having pictures where you look like a male model, or like you're the most interesting man in the world, are a good way to do that. Even then the response rate is low, but it's another tool in the toolbox of acquiring women.
(Score: 1) by anubi on Tuesday June 02 2015, @04:01AM
I have seen enough marital disaster in my lifetime that frankly, I am quite afraid to open the pandora's box of a relationship with a woman.
Relationships do not seem near as simple as they were when I was a kid. Now, they seem more like a legal entanglement of massive proportions.
There are certain things in life which I think I would just as soon let 'em ride - and this is one of them.
Yeh, I know.... this is definitely a case of the fox and the sour grapes. I have no problem saying that. I have known this for fifty years.
I just feel I have far more things I would like to do than pander after pussie.
If I happen to find a woman that enjoys the things I like to do and wants to hang around, fine, but I have to admit I am pretty set in my ways of building things and tinkering that I would rather do that than participate in a bunch of stuff I find boring as hell just in order to get access to a few minutes worth of massage. I know better than ask her to put up with something she finds boring as hell. So if we don't "mesh", no sense grinding both of us out.
So, for now, its me and the cats. ( none are mine, per se, but six are camping out around my house ).
"Prove all things; hold fast that which is good." [KJV: I Thessalonians 5:21]