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posted by martyb on Monday June 01 2015, @12:52AM   Printer-friendly
from the ἔρως-φιλία-ἀγάπη dept.

“Dan” seems at first to perfectly embody that popular object of scorn these days in San Francisco: the privileged tech worker. He’s a developer-turned-manager at a thriving startup, the type of guy you would expect to see dodging protesters at a Google bus stop or evicting low-income tenants in order to build his dream condo. But beyond that veneer of untouchable privilege, there is a soft underbelly. He’s a 40-year-old virgin, and his troubles with women are bad enough that he’s sought out a sex therapist for help.

This is in part a result of techies’ higher-than-average salaries, which allow them to pay for therapy, particularly when it comes to non-traditional counseling that isn’t covered by insurance. There’s something else at play here, though: In general, tech workers are more vulnerable to issues around love and intimacy, according to several local sex therapists I’ve interviewed. The reasons for this are wide-ranging, but in Dan’s particular case, it resulted from being tagged as a prodigy at a young age. He excelled in science and was encouraged to pursue it to the exclusion of all else.

The men, like Dan, who are coming to see her have been hindered by the very thing that allows them to excel in their field. “There is a very strong reinforcement [in tech] on using your brain,” says McGrath. “You brain is what’s of value.” But when it comes to sex, she says, “our brains are bullshit.”


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  • (Score: 2) by bzipitidoo on Tuesday June 02 2015, @03:18PM

    by bzipitidoo (4388) Subscriber Badge on Tuesday June 02 2015, @03:18PM (#191160) Journal

    Yes, have read that more boys are conceived, but it's all downhill from there. Male fetuses are more likely to miscarry, and boys are more likely to die pretty much at all stages of life. Worldwide, I think there is an oversupply of men thanks to the strong preference for male children in China and I think India, and their willingness and ability to manipulate the odds, even going as far as murdering baby girls shortly after birth.

    I wonder if women are more devout because they suffer more, thanks largely to discrimination. I've heard that people become more religious when they experience tough times. That would explain the imbalance in many churches.

    I actually am married now, to a devout woman who knew I was a "none" when it came to religion. She nearly dumped me over that, but had a change of heart. She likes to say grace over the food, and tries to drag me to church on Sunday. But there's no fakery, no living of a lie going on. I refused to pretend to convert for her sake. She had to accept that, or there would have been no marriage. She isn't trying to save me and bring me to Jesus, beyond worrying that the afterlife won't be as heavenly for her because she fears I will be burning in Hell. She's smart enough to see that non-Christians can be moral, ethical and upstanding citizens, and to see the opposite, that many self-proclaimed Christians are some of the biggest sinners and self-righteous jerks who can't stand to "love thy neighbor" and "judge not that ye be not judged" if that neighbor is gay, or a democrat, atheist, scientist, woman who's had an abortion, or just an insufficiently submissive woman, or all kinds of other things.

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  • (Score: 2) by Grishnakh on Tuesday June 02 2015, @03:29PM

    by Grishnakh (2831) on Tuesday June 02 2015, @03:29PM (#191163)

    Yes, have read that more boys are conceived, but it's all downhill from there. Male fetuses are more likely to miscarry, and boys are more likely to die pretty much at all stages of life.

    It's not just conception, it's births. There's something like a 1.07:1 male-female birth ratio, IIRC. But yes, it's downhill from there: more boys get killed before adulthood, more young men die (auto accidents, wars), so after around 30 in the US the balance is in favor of women.

    Worldwide, I think there is an oversupply of men thanks to the strong preference for male children in China and I think India

    Yes, but who cares? We're talking about western society here since we're talking about SoylentNews geeks looking for women.

    I wonder if women are more devout because they suffer more, thanks largely to discrimination.

    I think it's more like women tend to be more submissive, and men tend to be more independent-thinking.