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A friend has made a preliminary listing for spherical cows, penguins and suchlike on EBay. Due to EBay making PayPal compulsory and PayPal being shiftier than it's co-founder (the serial fraudster and US$5 billion corporate welfare king, Elon Musk), further sales and payment options will definitely be forthcoming.

Anyhow, spherical critters are currently available via EBay user spherical_critter_emporium and one random plushie is available for £10 with free global shipping. All proceeds after taxes, fees and materials go towards food and drink for whoever attends a weekly London geek meeting which you are cordially invited to attend. If the spherical critters are popular then it will be a free evening of food, drink and geekery.

After some back-and-forth, the text of the listing is as follows:-

♪♫ They're lumpy,
They're bumpy,
They're easily squashed,
Damaged and lost... ♫♪

♪♫ Spherical Critters!
Spherical Critters!
'Round and 'round
the absurdity goes!
Spherical Critters!
Spherical Critters!
Why we love them,
Nobody knows! ♫♪

These spherical animals not perfectly spherical nor are they living animals. They have a diameter of approximately 18cm (7 inches) but are easily squashed like a cushion. They are made from synthetic sponge and short synthetic fur. They have a small bounce to them which makes them surprisingly suitable for keepy-uppy or hackisack type amusement despite being smaller than a football and significantly larger than a hackisack.

Spherical cows are based on an old physics joke: "Milk production at a dairy farm was low, so the farmer wrote to the local university, asking for help from academia. A multi-disciplinary team of professors was assembled, headed by a theoretical physicist, and two weeks of intensive on-site investigation took place. The scholars then returned to the university, notebooks crammed with data, where the task of writing the report was left to the team leader. Shortly thereafter the physicist returned to the farm, saying to the farmer, 'I have the solution, but it works only in the case of spherical cows in a vacuum.'" Further spherical cow jokes can be found on the Internet including spherical steak searing pans and the Uncyclopedia's lunar migration cycle of spherical cows. We also recommend Rollin' Wild, a series of short animations which were shown in IMAX cinemas. (The spherical cheetah is particularly funny. Likewise for the scene with the cowshed.)

For quite a while, it has been possible to purchase spherical cow tshirts and cross stitching. However, spherical cows in any form have been in short supply. Therefore, we purchased stereotypical black and white splotchy Holstein cow print fur and began making spherical cow stuffed toys/plushies. This rapidly expanded into spherical tigers, spherical leopards, spherical ladybirds/ladybugs, spherical sheep (black or white), spherical penguins and, by special request, spherical Sully print which definitely isn't Sully from Monsters Inc because it is significantly darker.

Each of the patterned spherical critters is unique because it is cut from a different offset of patterned fabric. Regardless, examples shown are representative of future supply. If sources of fur fabric differ significantly then we will update pictures prior to sale.

Spherical critters are likely suitable for small children nominally of three years old, but please use your own judgement if buying for children, and ask us any questions you have. Each item is lovingly and ethically home made by genuine physicists from five pieces of car washing sponge purchased from Poundland and two pieces of synthetic fur typically purchased from Dalston Mill Fabrics and double stitched with rip-stops using the coarsest pound shop thread that money can buy. (Leopard print and Sully print was purchased from EBay seller midtexltd.) No innards are smaller than than 50 cubic centimetres (3 cubic inches) and the basic design has no outer piece which is significantly smaller than half of the surface area.

By special request, spherical critters are available in kit form so that you can sew your own spherical stuffed toys. Please ask us to list the design of your choice with or without scissors, needles and/or thread. All kits are supplied with cutting template (whether it is required or not) so that you can advance your skills with the least impediment. We typically list a pre-cut, pre-joined spherical tiger sewing kit supplied with sponge filling because it is easiest to complete. Also by special request, spherical critters are available with eyes, ears, tails, cow bells and/or other adornments. Please ask us to list any requested variations. However, please note that each addition will typically be £2 extra and eyes for stuffed toys may be more. With additions, they may not be safe for children.

Bulk discounts are available (contact us) and we challenge you to purchase unusual quantities so that we sphere pack them into unusual shaped parcels. For example, 10 critters will pack nicely into a tetrahedral pyramid. Indeed, with 41 critters in stock [at time of writing], we currently have the world's largest tetrahedral pyramid of spherical stuffed toys (see first picture). This could be yours for a reasonable price. You may laugh now but you'll be laughing even harder when you're avalanched by furry balls!

To keep any synthetic stuffed toy in optimal condition, occasionally brush lightly with a wig brush. Wash stains by applying diluted detergent to surface only. Do not soak. Do not machine wash. Do not use hair dryer. Do not place in microwave oven. Keep away from naked flame. Do not fold, spindle or mutilate. Ingress of water to middle of stuffed toy encourages mold. Excessive heat causes synthetic fur to curl or melt.

Unfortunately, due to the use of bright yellow synthetic sponge and relatively short synthetic fur, designs with significant quantities of light fur (sheep, penguin) may appear discoloured from some angles. This may be corrected in future if we can find uncoloured synthetic sponge or alternative filling at a similar price. Please let us know how we can improve this product or any other product.

Also, my friend currently holds an informal world record for a spherical critter tetrahedral pyramid with 35 spheres. We're now working towards 120 unless stock diminishes.

Edit 1: EBay listing with choice of critter.